(no subject)
I remember when Nina and I were waiting outside the Queen Victoria Markets for the tram. It was late, probably midnight. She kept seeing people she knew. She was terrified of the city, especially at night, for that very reason. People she knew reminded her of who she used to be. They were living, breathing ghosts that haunted the city trains after dark. She pointed with her cigarette hand to the ruined buildings across the Five Points roundabout.
"I squatted there for about two weeks with some kids I knew."
My eyes followed after her arm and found the building that may or may not have been it. Haze was coming out of the sewers like it does when the night is hot and something pregnant hangs in the air.,; it was a Comic book.
"It used to be a brewery, there were dead bodies in the old vats. I could only look at them once."
This angered the hell out of me. I felt like stabbing Fate right in it's ugly glassy eyes for doing this to her, to me, to everyone. You see, I could move away from all this. I could forget about the horrible things that happened to people I know. It's not my life. I can just taste it, just get a feeling of how it might be, and then retreat to some glassy lake dream in my corner of the world. I used to, and I LOVED it. I never had to move on from it, to learn how to breathe again. I got just deep enough to where it hurt, and then I'd pull away.
But not anymore I can't. I've gotten myself down in it. Down into life again. I remember what it feels like to be alive again. No matter what anyone tells you, to feel sad, to feel angry, is human. They will give you all kinds of medicine to shut your eyes to it, they will let you "talk it out of your system" but it's still there. I'd rather have come on the verge of dying than to believe that everything is okay all the time. And I thank Nina for showing me the door to the Department of the Youth.
Because we sure as hell know,
We may not be the young ones, very long.
"I squatted there for about two weeks with some kids I knew."
My eyes followed after her arm and found the building that may or may not have been it. Haze was coming out of the sewers like it does when the night is hot and something pregnant hangs in the air.,; it was a Comic book.
"It used to be a brewery, there were dead bodies in the old vats. I could only look at them once."
This angered the hell out of me. I felt like stabbing Fate right in it's ugly glassy eyes for doing this to her, to me, to everyone. You see, I could move away from all this. I could forget about the horrible things that happened to people I know. It's not my life. I can just taste it, just get a feeling of how it might be, and then retreat to some glassy lake dream in my corner of the world. I used to, and I LOVED it. I never had to move on from it, to learn how to breathe again. I got just deep enough to where it hurt, and then I'd pull away.
But not anymore I can't. I've gotten myself down in it. Down into life again. I remember what it feels like to be alive again. No matter what anyone tells you, to feel sad, to feel angry, is human. They will give you all kinds of medicine to shut your eyes to it, they will let you "talk it out of your system" but it's still there. I'd rather have come on the verge of dying than to believe that everything is okay all the time. And I thank Nina for showing me the door to the Department of the Youth.
Because we sure as hell know,
We may not be the young ones, very long.