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i need to take a break from everything and get my priorities straight.
because i thought that this would make me happy, and it doesn't. it makes me stressed out and miserable.
i'm not big on two day relationships. but this looks like it's going to be one.
this is where my guilt kicks in. becaues this is his first girlfriend and i don't want to ruin that for him. on the other hand, isn't this supposed to be about me too? and if i'm not happy in this, how can we exist?
because i'm not happy. at all. this is awkward, this isn't real. there's no spontaneousness here, there's not even affection. this is forced and it needs to die before it becomes something so fixed in my life that i cannot imagine killing it.
sometimes i hate myself for the decisions i make.
because i never get to be selfish. and whenever i choose to be selfish and do something for me, it turns out that it's not even what i want. and then i get to go ruin some more people's days.
have i ever posted something happy on lj?