uncontrolled emotional hot-penning leads to run on sentences
“Hey, do you wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime?”
“No, sorry. I don’t date smokers.”
“…but I don’t smoke.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t date assholes, either.”
I cried the whole way home from school today. On the 2 train, the D train, and the four blocks home. On the D, a man asked me if I was ok and offered me his seat. I told him that I was just tired and relieved to be going home after a long day’s work. It made me smile, but it also made me feel guilty because I was crying over the fact that mankind has turned me into a cynic and I have come to expect the worst from people. And people usually deliver the worst.
I feel cheated out of friends. I detest people who think that they are superior to others for no good reason. I detest pint-sized, two-faced bitches that have to talk negatively about others just so they can feel good about themselves. I hate pseudo-intellectual judgmental idiots that just talk and talk because they get off to their own voices. I hate actors who think they are deep and complicated but they are actually lame and loud and who think they are independent and cool but must resort to flashing their cocks at people onstage during a performance to appease the pint-sized bitch. How dare you. How dare you invite me out twice and buy me drinks, lay your head on my thigh and ask me to scratch your head, grip me in a backwards bear hug and nuzzle your cheek to mine, cuddle with me under the blanket backstage and try to find out if I am ticklish or not. And when the girl who fucked you to make her boyfriend jealous however many years ago feels threatened because she’s not the only quirky cute girl on the block anymore and she can’t stand not being the center of attention and so she starts flirting with you all over again, how dare you pretend that I do not exist and that I never caught you staring at me.
You lost a gem. I am smarter than you’ll ever be and more of a woman than you’ll ever get. I may be a little timid and bad at catching a football but I’m artistic and eloquent and pretty when I smile. And even if you didn’t fuck up the last two days and we did go out on a date, it would not have lasted long. It only took me two weeks to realize that you’re a sexist condescending whore who is completely oblivious to reality. Well guess what? The same morning that you let me fall asleep on your tummy and you slung your arm around my shoulder, someone told me that another boy told her that he thought I was beautiful.
My only regret is that I let your image reside in my mind for an entire week. Falling asleep alone and the fact that you wore fingerless gloves and could play the guitar at first overrode the frat boy assholishness that you exuded. So that only proves that I’m human. Once again, a victim of evolution.
I can’t believe I have to be surrounded by these people for the next three years. I can’t believe I moved all the way to Brooklyn and have pursued theatre successfully for the last four years and all of the sudden I feel like I’m in high school again. I guess I have to face the fact that there are people who are exclusive whatever environment you’re in.
Okay, so I go to Brooklyn College and I’ve just concluded that school is not really going to be a social thing for me. The actors make up the majority of the theatre program and since there are only a dozen or so for each year, they’re all these pathetic little fuck ups that stab each other in the back and gossip and flirt and sleep with each other and create drama that I do not have time to deal with. I made one good friend in the last few weeks and apologized to her profusely today for ditching her one night to trail along with the aforementioned boy who I thought may have been worth the time.
But the tech director and the shop assistant at Brooklyn College love me. The head of the department seems to like me, and my professors are all ok. I can succeed there academically and artistically, I just know it. But I think I might have to go elsewhere to succeed socially. You’d think it wouldn’t be too difficult living in New York City, but it’s freaking expensive to go out, and I’m always exhausted from studying or working too much. I have to find friends soon or I’m going to go crazy.
“No, sorry. I don’t date smokers.”
“…but I don’t smoke.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t date assholes, either.”
I cried the whole way home from school today. On the 2 train, the D train, and the four blocks home. On the D, a man asked me if I was ok and offered me his seat. I told him that I was just tired and relieved to be going home after a long day’s work. It made me smile, but it also made me feel guilty because I was crying over the fact that mankind has turned me into a cynic and I have come to expect the worst from people. And people usually deliver the worst.
I feel cheated out of friends. I detest people who think that they are superior to others for no good reason. I detest pint-sized, two-faced bitches that have to talk negatively about others just so they can feel good about themselves. I hate pseudo-intellectual judgmental idiots that just talk and talk because they get off to their own voices. I hate actors who think they are deep and complicated but they are actually lame and loud and who think they are independent and cool but must resort to flashing their cocks at people onstage during a performance to appease the pint-sized bitch. How dare you. How dare you invite me out twice and buy me drinks, lay your head on my thigh and ask me to scratch your head, grip me in a backwards bear hug and nuzzle your cheek to mine, cuddle with me under the blanket backstage and try to find out if I am ticklish or not. And when the girl who fucked you to make her boyfriend jealous however many years ago feels threatened because she’s not the only quirky cute girl on the block anymore and she can’t stand not being the center of attention and so she starts flirting with you all over again, how dare you pretend that I do not exist and that I never caught you staring at me.
You lost a gem. I am smarter than you’ll ever be and more of a woman than you’ll ever get. I may be a little timid and bad at catching a football but I’m artistic and eloquent and pretty when I smile. And even if you didn’t fuck up the last two days and we did go out on a date, it would not have lasted long. It only took me two weeks to realize that you’re a sexist condescending whore who is completely oblivious to reality. Well guess what? The same morning that you let me fall asleep on your tummy and you slung your arm around my shoulder, someone told me that another boy told her that he thought I was beautiful.
My only regret is that I let your image reside in my mind for an entire week. Falling asleep alone and the fact that you wore fingerless gloves and could play the guitar at first overrode the frat boy assholishness that you exuded. So that only proves that I’m human. Once again, a victim of evolution.
I can’t believe I have to be surrounded by these people for the next three years. I can’t believe I moved all the way to Brooklyn and have pursued theatre successfully for the last four years and all of the sudden I feel like I’m in high school again. I guess I have to face the fact that there are people who are exclusive whatever environment you’re in.
Okay, so I go to Brooklyn College and I’ve just concluded that school is not really going to be a social thing for me. The actors make up the majority of the theatre program and since there are only a dozen or so for each year, they’re all these pathetic little fuck ups that stab each other in the back and gossip and flirt and sleep with each other and create drama that I do not have time to deal with. I made one good friend in the last few weeks and apologized to her profusely today for ditching her one night to trail along with the aforementioned boy who I thought may have been worth the time.
But the tech director and the shop assistant at Brooklyn College love me. The head of the department seems to like me, and my professors are all ok. I can succeed there academically and artistically, I just know it. But I think I might have to go elsewhere to succeed socially. You’d think it wouldn’t be too difficult living in New York City, but it’s freaking expensive to go out, and I’m always exhausted from studying or working too much. I have to find friends soon or I’m going to go crazy.