i am happy
After work yesterday, MM and I went rock climbing for the first time with Faye. I am incredibly afraid of heights, and just about 2 metres up, my heart was pounding furiously, my palms were sweaty and I was pretty much on the verge of crying. But Faye and her friends were incredibly encouraging and I continued to look and climb up, ignoring the fear that was inside me. My heart was palpitating with such terror I couldn't go again for the next half hour or so. But I think the thrill of climbing trumped my fear, and I went up again and again, even on the automated belays, so that we could climb without troubling Faye or her friends. On my final climb, when I was 3/4 way up, my palms were so wet I slipped off the tiles many times. I was so near to the top and wanted so badly to give up and call it quits, but Faye wouldn't have it. She kept yelling and cheering me on. I eventually got up there and the satisfaction was just out of this world.
Even though we hardly much between the climbs, it was surprisingly exhausting afterwards. I was so knackered that I missed the first session of carolling that I had intended to go for and only made it for the 2nd. The turnout from our batch was pretty sad, with only Liwei and I who turned up (okay, Lionel came, but we're meanies who hardly know what to say to him, so he doesn't count). While I did feel a little bummed, I guess everyone's priorities change and we weren't going to hang around after anyway.
I struggled to fight off my exhaustion and hunger and took a slow walk from Fullerton to Loof to meet Yl for drinks. I don't have any recollection of being there before, so I think its my first time there. The atmosphere was surprisingly muted for a Christmas eve, which was great because it allowed me to just talk to Yl and hang.Sometimes I look at her and how it is possible that life is so unfair: she's got both beauty, brains and - as much as she'd like it to be another word starting with b - legs. :P I felt really peaceful and relaxed, being in her company, talking about everything ever possible so comfortably, and being unabashedly aunty. The zz monsters stole us away from the party shortly before midnight, and we were both home when the clock struck 12. That's the thing with old friends, we won't feel paiseh to say that we need to leave :P Despite the relatively quick drinks, it was just a pretty amazing evening, being with Yl. My only regret about drinks is that Mag wasn't able to join us. That would have made the night so so so much more fun. :(
I managed to get a good straight 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Woke up bright and early the next morning to go for Xmas service at Faye's church. Going to church was on my 2016 list of goals to do. I went with Fi to her Catholic mass a couple of weeks ago. That was really nice, but I felt displaced as I always did in a church. The experience at Faye's today was surprisingly incredible. The sermon was not any different from what I've heard previously; the lessons not unfamiliar. For some strange reason, when the pastor shared the story of the boy who ran away from home and how we needed to remind ourselves of what is important and not get caught up in the material chase, I found myself tearing up a little. The tears caught me by surprise, but I recovered quickly. It helped that there was a crazy adorable toddler next to me who regularly looked up from her doodle session to flash me the sweetest slit-eyes smiles. I found out later that she is one of the most difficult of children around. She isn't a sociable baby and is generally surly. Somehow today, she kept smiling at me, repeatedly, even offering me the markets that she was using. My heart just melted.
The 2 hour long service didn't feel quite that long Faye would interject with inside jokes, random comments and explanations, and I had the luxury of watching the many parents play and entertain their children while focusing on the sermon. It was so heartwarming to see their community and feel the warmth, openness and love that everyone had for each other.
Post-service, we braved the hot sun to have coffee at Penny University. Her friend, Haresh, (of YouTube Ministry of Funny fame) came. (Yes, Shameless plug for him) Rather than let me hunt for Eng's Wantan mee like I had intended to, she asked to join me, and I had so much fun listening to them trade stories and share their lives. In a bid to commit to my 2015 book challenge, I searched for a coffee place to read but couldn't find any. In any case, I was too full from the post-lunch food coma and I decided to take a long 1.5 hour bus ride home. Food coma kicked in and I dozed off. Imagine my shock when I woke up 20 minutes later only to find myself in the same area as where I just left. I texted her frantically about my plight, only for her to burst out laughing. I took that opportunity to thank her for inviting me to her church and for spending time with me. As I did that, I became to tear uncontrollably again.
At that time, I couldn't explain the basis of my tears. Now when I look back, I think its all that love I felt when I was with Faye this morning. Her openness, her kindness and her love for everyone around her. I saw it in the way she interacted with her friends, the way she hugged her godson when he torpedoed towards her the moment she stepped into church, the way everyone lit up when they saw her. It was a humbling experience to be in the presence of so much love. Even though I'm always tiptoeing on the borders of someone else's world, this is one world which I'm so glad to have had a chance to visit. I can't actually recall the last times I've felt contented like this. I figure this will probably last for a day or two before the restlessness kicks back in, but hey, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
Had dinner with the family and then hung out with T for a bit after. I stonewalled all attempts by T to probe a little into my life, choosing instead to stick to talking shit. In all honesty, I was so at peace that my mind drew a blank despite his insistence that there were issues that I was suppressing and denying. As much as we got along, it cheesed me off quite a bit that he was trying to get so personal so fast, so I shut him down. Maybe it is old age thing, or the aftermath of having someone like N in my life, or simply a result of my life choices this year, I'm choosing to share only with people who've actually been in my life for long enough. Nevertheless, it was fun just horsing around with someone from a different background, social circle and life view.
It feels like the tides have changed a little, and 2015 is looking to be better than I had expected. Come what may till the start of 2016.
I'm looking forward to where this wave might take me. :)
Even though we hardly much between the climbs, it was surprisingly exhausting afterwards. I was so knackered that I missed the first session of carolling that I had intended to go for and only made it for the 2nd. The turnout from our batch was pretty sad, with only Liwei and I who turned up (okay, Lionel came, but we're meanies who hardly know what to say to him, so he doesn't count). While I did feel a little bummed, I guess everyone's priorities change and we weren't going to hang around after anyway.
I struggled to fight off my exhaustion and hunger and took a slow walk from Fullerton to Loof to meet Yl for drinks. I don't have any recollection of being there before, so I think its my first time there. The atmosphere was surprisingly muted for a Christmas eve, which was great because it allowed me to just talk to Yl and hang.Sometimes I look at her and how it is possible that life is so unfair: she's got both beauty, brains and - as much as she'd like it to be another word starting with b - legs. :P I felt really peaceful and relaxed, being in her company, talking about everything ever possible so comfortably, and being unabashedly aunty. The zz monsters stole us away from the party shortly before midnight, and we were both home when the clock struck 12. That's the thing with old friends, we won't feel paiseh to say that we need to leave :P Despite the relatively quick drinks, it was just a pretty amazing evening, being with Yl. My only regret about drinks is that Mag wasn't able to join us. That would have made the night so so so much more fun. :(
I managed to get a good straight 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Woke up bright and early the next morning to go for Xmas service at Faye's church. Going to church was on my 2016 list of goals to do. I went with Fi to her Catholic mass a couple of weeks ago. That was really nice, but I felt displaced as I always did in a church. The experience at Faye's today was surprisingly incredible. The sermon was not any different from what I've heard previously; the lessons not unfamiliar. For some strange reason, when the pastor shared the story of the boy who ran away from home and how we needed to remind ourselves of what is important and not get caught up in the material chase, I found myself tearing up a little. The tears caught me by surprise, but I recovered quickly. It helped that there was a crazy adorable toddler next to me who regularly looked up from her doodle session to flash me the sweetest slit-eyes smiles. I found out later that she is one of the most difficult of children around. She isn't a sociable baby and is generally surly. Somehow today, she kept smiling at me, repeatedly, even offering me the markets that she was using. My heart just melted.
The 2 hour long service didn't feel quite that long Faye would interject with inside jokes, random comments and explanations, and I had the luxury of watching the many parents play and entertain their children while focusing on the sermon. It was so heartwarming to see their community and feel the warmth, openness and love that everyone had for each other.
Post-service, we braved the hot sun to have coffee at Penny University. Her friend, Haresh, (of YouTube Ministry of Funny fame) came. (Yes, Shameless plug for him) Rather than let me hunt for Eng's Wantan mee like I had intended to, she asked to join me, and I had so much fun listening to them trade stories and share their lives. In a bid to commit to my 2015 book challenge, I searched for a coffee place to read but couldn't find any. In any case, I was too full from the post-lunch food coma and I decided to take a long 1.5 hour bus ride home. Food coma kicked in and I dozed off. Imagine my shock when I woke up 20 minutes later only to find myself in the same area as where I just left. I texted her frantically about my plight, only for her to burst out laughing. I took that opportunity to thank her for inviting me to her church and for spending time with me. As I did that, I became to tear uncontrollably again.
At that time, I couldn't explain the basis of my tears. Now when I look back, I think its all that love I felt when I was with Faye this morning. Her openness, her kindness and her love for everyone around her. I saw it in the way she interacted with her friends, the way she hugged her godson when he torpedoed towards her the moment she stepped into church, the way everyone lit up when they saw her. It was a humbling experience to be in the presence of so much love. Even though I'm always tiptoeing on the borders of someone else's world, this is one world which I'm so glad to have had a chance to visit. I can't actually recall the last times I've felt contented like this. I figure this will probably last for a day or two before the restlessness kicks back in, but hey, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
Had dinner with the family and then hung out with T for a bit after. I stonewalled all attempts by T to probe a little into my life, choosing instead to stick to talking shit. In all honesty, I was so at peace that my mind drew a blank despite his insistence that there were issues that I was suppressing and denying. As much as we got along, it cheesed me off quite a bit that he was trying to get so personal so fast, so I shut him down. Maybe it is old age thing, or the aftermath of having someone like N in my life, or simply a result of my life choices this year, I'm choosing to share only with people who've actually been in my life for long enough. Nevertheless, it was fun just horsing around with someone from a different background, social circle and life view.
It feels like the tides have changed a little, and 2015 is looking to be better than I had expected. Come what may till the start of 2016.
I'm looking forward to where this wave might take me. :)