(no subject)
...have been getting me through life lately. those, and lots of coffee and chai and candy. i'm always too upset/bored/angst-ridden/tired to have conversations anymore, and this is partly due to the fact that my life is basically a repetition of the same day, over and over. granted, it's a fucking fun day, but it's still every day. wake up, oatmeal, bike to school, learn, go out drinking, come home and listen to music or watch a film and take a long bath, and go out drinking again until the wee of the morning. it's really fucking pish. it's the same people all the time-- again, they are amazing people. i love them. but my brain and my liver are telling me that something is wrong here and there's something else I should be putting my mind to, instead of drugs and booze and music and movies. i feel I've been in school and drinking and listening to the same music for too long and while it is great, I'm stagnating. I never leave the house unless for school, coffee, or drinking. I don't read anything, anymore. Everything can go suck a fuck. I think that maybe I'm just in a pisser of a mood because last night was HARD and LONG and god, kill me. my arab beau was in a near fistfight on account of his race (fucking racist shits) and we had a long fight that night about what's best, where to go, how to do. we should've slept easy but i felt like i was on coffee beans all night long. mostly i am lonely and there are never people around in my building, anywhere. it's so fucking quiet. i feel i haven't eaten in days and my stomach is ill. i haven't read the news in weeks.