(no subject)
sadsappysucker [05 Sep 2005|03:00pm]
[ mood | i'm a dip ]
on this last day of summer, my computer kicked the bucket, i think for good this time. silly piece of shit. so i'm on my mother's and it smells like rose hips and sebum and saline in my head and upmynosewitharubberhose. i want this year to be amazing. sophomore year disappointed me, but i've spent two months in hiberation recooperating (only got sick once this summer) and i suppose i'm pretty happy. i'm lonely but i know it can wait, it won't be forever. i have two more years to kill, two more years to redeem myself academically and otherwise. i've buried my hostile reservations and have become a better person for it, i think. i'm not nearly as callous or bitter as i used to be, i've been a capricious bitch, and i'm sorry. out of the myriad apologies i've made, i think this is one of the first where i haven't done it just to cover my own ass. i want to be human human, and i want to feel good like you do. i'm so happy for you, and for me. we came out unscathed, oh messy life.
well good gravy, what happened there banjo?
what, two or three months later and you're a sloppy mess!
you're just never satisfied. stupid girl! you make all these promises to yourself and it's all just wishful thinking. you're going NOWHERE. NOWHERE! nickyboy, he was right. i guess you hate to admit it, huh? he was right the whole time.
okay. so you've got your lisence to be a complete fag. people will put up with you because you're so fucking WEIRD, because you make no SENSE, no one knows what to make of you, and you don't either so you just bop along. you want to move off to a far-away fairy castle in big creeping new york city, where you'll never have to feel bored or alone or supress all these THINGS!!! in your little beating heart. your rapid cycling bipolar disorder. your skewed, smeary, watered-down (but FUN!!) logic... you should just stop trying to make sense. you aren't doing a very good job. this whole thing makes you uncomfortable, it's worse than shoes two feet small. now if i could just get over this flu.
[ mood | i'm a dip ]
on this last day of summer, my computer kicked the bucket, i think for good this time. silly piece of shit. so i'm on my mother's and it smells like rose hips and sebum and saline in my head and upmynosewitharubberhose. i want this year to be amazing. sophomore year disappointed me, but i've spent two months in hiberation recooperating (only got sick once this summer) and i suppose i'm pretty happy. i'm lonely but i know it can wait, it won't be forever. i have two more years to kill, two more years to redeem myself academically and otherwise. i've buried my hostile reservations and have become a better person for it, i think. i'm not nearly as callous or bitter as i used to be, i've been a capricious bitch, and i'm sorry. out of the myriad apologies i've made, i think this is one of the first where i haven't done it just to cover my own ass. i want to be human human, and i want to feel good like you do. i'm so happy for you, and for me. we came out unscathed, oh messy life.
well good gravy, what happened there banjo?
what, two or three months later and you're a sloppy mess!
you're just never satisfied. stupid girl! you make all these promises to yourself and it's all just wishful thinking. you're going NOWHERE. NOWHERE! nickyboy, he was right. i guess you hate to admit it, huh? he was right the whole time.
okay. so you've got your lisence to be a complete fag. people will put up with you because you're so fucking WEIRD, because you make no SENSE, no one knows what to make of you, and you don't either so you just bop along. you want to move off to a far-away fairy castle in big creeping new york city, where you'll never have to feel bored or alone or supress all these THINGS!!! in your little beating heart. your rapid cycling bipolar disorder. your skewed, smeary, watered-down (but FUN!!) logic... you should just stop trying to make sense. you aren't doing a very good job. this whole thing makes you uncomfortable, it's worse than shoes two feet small. now if i could just get over this flu.