Mac & Cheese and Rum & Coke
There is so much to write about and yet I have not the patients to write. This semester is kicking my ass. I’ve spent weeks trying to find a way to relieve the stress, some sort of outlet to alleviate my racing mind. I did meditation over the summer (at what time I was brainless and took 15 hours in Summer A), but I couldn’t find the time between Chiefs and classes this semester to continue that particular method of finding solitude and peace of mind. So, inevitably, I’ve picked up smoking again. But contrary to this lethal way of finding relaxation, I have been trying to get a hold of my health. I have become a vegetarian again…woot. I have always been ill at ease with my body (my weight and appearance in particular) so I’m trying my best to rid myself of this physical detestation I hold.
I’m still caught between my feelings in a certain…something. I don’t even know what to call it. It unquestionably isn’t a relationship…and sometimes I even wonder if it is a friendship. He is such a jerk sometimes. Well, he’s a jerk most of the time. “Why are you even worried about it if he’s a jerk and you can’t even identify if you are friends or not?” because it is much more than that. There is an element in our correlation which I cannot mention even in my Journal. It is the only basis for which I hold hope for something further to arise. I lose sleep over it every night. I long so much to be able to express the component of which I am speaking, to my friends, and even my best friend, but I know no one will comprehend its worth.
“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.”
I guess I trust too easily.
In other news, I take my last exam in 10 minutes. Finally. I want to know my grades and put this disarray behind me. I know two of my grades already. With one, I am content, the second, I am forlorn. My other grades only God knows.
Maybe I’ll get to see Preston before winter break (I chuckle softly to myself because I know in all probability, I won’t).
PS- I'm hung over.
I’m still caught between my feelings in a certain…something. I don’t even know what to call it. It unquestionably isn’t a relationship…and sometimes I even wonder if it is a friendship. He is such a jerk sometimes. Well, he’s a jerk most of the time. “Why are you even worried about it if he’s a jerk and you can’t even identify if you are friends or not?” because it is much more than that. There is an element in our correlation which I cannot mention even in my Journal. It is the only basis for which I hold hope for something further to arise. I lose sleep over it every night. I long so much to be able to express the component of which I am speaking, to my friends, and even my best friend, but I know no one will comprehend its worth.
“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.”
I guess I trust too easily.
In other news, I take my last exam in 10 minutes. Finally. I want to know my grades and put this disarray behind me. I know two of my grades already. With one, I am content, the second, I am forlorn. My other grades only God knows.
Maybe I’ll get to see Preston before winter break (I chuckle softly to myself because I know in all probability, I won’t).
PS- I'm hung over.