(no subject)
From the Philadelphia Weekly Savage Love Column:
It makes my hot, atheist, well-hung, tattooed, slim white-boy blood boil when I read about attacks on our sexual freedoms. The question I have for you is: What can I do? You keep telling us to fight back. Okay, but how? Help me channel my outrage! If it helps, I'll send you a photo of me naked and begging on my knees.
-Enraged Atheist Thinks Master's Evil
Send me that photo, EATME, and I'll pull together a whole bonus column-a Web extra-on what you can do to fight the American Taliban and stop its war on sexual freedom. Which brings us to this week's straight rights update.
After tossing nearly half of last week's column away on a straight rights update, it was my intention to give it a rest. In fact, every time I write one of these I think, "This is the last one. Banning abortion, evicting unmarried straight couples and their children, moving to ban birth control-things can't get any worse, can they?"
Oh, but they can. Not satisfied with meddling in the lives of the relatively small percentage of women who are pregnant, the American Taliban is moving to regulate the lives of all American women.
"New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves-and to be treated by the healthcare system-as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon," reports The Washington Post. "[T]his means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control ... [I]t's important that women follow this advice throughout their reproductive lives, because about half of pregnancies are unplanned and so much damage can be done to a fetus between conception and the time the pregnancy is confirmed."
Color me paranoid, but ordering American women to regard themselves as "pre-pregnant" because they may harm a fetus they don't know they're carrying opens the door to prosecuting women who harm their fetuses by failing to regard themselves as "pre-pregnant." How long until "women should ... refrain from smoking [and] maintain a healthy body weight" becomes "women must ... " Does that sound paranoid? Well, so did a war on contraception once.
Oddly enough, Bush's Centers for Disease Control and Prevention doesn't urge straight men to regard themselves as existing in a perpetual state of "pre-fatherhood." Smoking, obesity, asthma and diabetes could seriously hamper a man's ability to do the heavy lifting that comes with fatherhood. But Bush's CDC doesn't seem that interested in regulating the behavior of all those fat smoking pre-fathers out there.
Gee. Isn't. That. Weird.
There is a bright side in the CDC's announcement. If we're going to regard all females as pre-pregnant, then we can, as my friend Gomez points out, regard all virgins as merely pre-fucked.
It makes my hot, atheist, well-hung, tattooed, slim white-boy blood boil when I read about attacks on our sexual freedoms. The question I have for you is: What can I do? You keep telling us to fight back. Okay, but how? Help me channel my outrage! If it helps, I'll send you a photo of me naked and begging on my knees.
-Enraged Atheist Thinks Master's Evil
Send me that photo, EATME, and I'll pull together a whole bonus column-a Web extra-on what you can do to fight the American Taliban and stop its war on sexual freedom. Which brings us to this week's straight rights update.
After tossing nearly half of last week's column away on a straight rights update, it was my intention to give it a rest. In fact, every time I write one of these I think, "This is the last one. Banning abortion, evicting unmarried straight couples and their children, moving to ban birth control-things can't get any worse, can they?"
Oh, but they can. Not satisfied with meddling in the lives of the relatively small percentage of women who are pregnant, the American Taliban is moving to regulate the lives of all American women.
"New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves-and to be treated by the healthcare system-as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon," reports The Washington Post. "[T]his means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control ... [I]t's important that women follow this advice throughout their reproductive lives, because about half of pregnancies are unplanned and so much damage can be done to a fetus between conception and the time the pregnancy is confirmed."
Color me paranoid, but ordering American women to regard themselves as "pre-pregnant" because they may harm a fetus they don't know they're carrying opens the door to prosecuting women who harm their fetuses by failing to regard themselves as "pre-pregnant." How long until "women should ... refrain from smoking [and] maintain a healthy body weight" becomes "women must ... " Does that sound paranoid? Well, so did a war on contraception once.
Oddly enough, Bush's Centers for Disease Control and Prevention doesn't urge straight men to regard themselves as existing in a perpetual state of "pre-fatherhood." Smoking, obesity, asthma and diabetes could seriously hamper a man's ability to do the heavy lifting that comes with fatherhood. But Bush's CDC doesn't seem that interested in regulating the behavior of all those fat smoking pre-fathers out there.
Gee. Isn't. That. Weird.
There is a bright side in the CDC's announcement. If we're going to regard all females as pre-pregnant, then we can, as my friend Gomez points out, regard all virgins as merely pre-fucked.