Eleanor Rose
I have never written a complete story of my pregnancy with Ellie and of her birth. She is two years and two months now, and although the memories are still vivid in my mind, some minor details have begun to slip away. Before more and more things become obscure with time, here it goes...
Friday, June 13, 2003
She first appeared before my eyes as a double line on the home pregnancy test. I saw them develop and the surge of joy that came after still remains to be matched by anything else I have experienced. I was bursting with happiness.
I went to a Party Lite party at Alan and Bobbie's house. Little Matthew was toddling about and I looked at hime with different eyes. Next year at this time MY BABY will be in my arms. MY BABY!!!
Thoughts and doubts came later during that first sleepless night when I tossed and turned and was afraid to lie on my stomach lest I should somehow harm my baby. MY BABY!!! I was 34 and completely in awe of the fact that inside me a new life was budding. It was almost impossible to believe.
Saturday, June 14, 2003
I finally abandoned all hopes of sleep and took a shower. I felt elated, anxious, nervous, ecstatic - all at once. I still haven't told Tim.
I looked some information up on the Internet. Hello, BabyCenter, my new best friend for the next 9 months. It was easy to calculate that the baby was concieved most likely on May 25th. That made me 5 almost 5 weeks pregnant. In the short time I had, I found out some basic information about pregnancy. Holy cow, how unbelievably ignorant I had been! I knew the pictures showed something that even remotely did not yet resemble a human being, but in my mind I had inside me the tiniest and the most perfectly formed baby - something like a Thumbelina from Hans-Christian Andersson's fairy tale. It swam happily around doing flips, not a care in the world, while its mother was freaking out at the prospect of making the announcement to its father.
Later that day...
Tim took it in stride. He is a great guy and a softie.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
We had agreed to not tell our parents and we both broke our promises on the same day. My Mom, Jane, and Tim Sr. were all thrilled and happy for us.
We had decided we would not make any "decisions" (wink-wink) until my first U/S is scheduled, and tonight Tim proposed and I accepted. It went something like this...
We were in bed, at his place, and he was fidgeting around. I asked him if I could rub his back or something, and he said "no". And then he asked me to be his wife. Every girl/woman dreams about these words but you can never know how you're actually going to feel until you do hear them. I loved him so much at that moment. I was so very, very happy. We called my mom right away, and she was absolutely ecstatic to hear the news. I did not go to work the following day, faking some excuse or other. Tim and I went out for breakfast and just hung out.
Between June 19 and July 7, 2003
This time was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. My main concern was that I DID NOT FEEL pregnant. I tried to search within myself for some symptoms of sickness or fatigue or food aversion, but alas, I felt very healthy and strong. I took a number of home pregnancy tests as though I was afraid they baby has somehow dissolved. In my mind, I had diagnosed myself with ectopic pregnancy and every other possible disorder. I would have given several years of my life for having the urge to throw up in the morning. I felt like a fake, an impostor.
I also found out that since I am O Neg I needed RhoGAM shots throughout the pregnancy. I got my first one on June 20th. I also had some spotting that scared the day light out of me, and Dr. Pfister's office sent me for some bloodwork. When I saw on the order sheet the words "Possible miscarriage", my heart sank. How little time it takes to become a mother! How amazing that so much love could be felt toward someone that I have not even seen or held in my arms. Yet I knew I wanted this baby more than anything in the world, and I would do anything in the world to make sure it was happy and healthy.
This pregnancy suddenly catapulted me from being a 30-something single gal to being a fiancee and a prospective mother. Enough to distract even the most focused mind, let alone my own easily wandering one. And so, when I went to NYC, for some worthless conference or other, with my boss, I sincerely doubt my participation was advantageous to any. The first evening there, I ran out to a CVS pharmacy across the street from the Westin and bought yet another pregnancy test, just to be sure the baby was still inside me.
Our first official ultrasound was on July 7th, right after Tim and I became godparents to Tim's sister's youngest daughter, Kate. I was a little disappointed because the baby on the black and white printouts we received was nothing more than a glowing bean. But it was my bean, and very, very precious.
The plans for the wedding kicked in. Needless to say, my heart was only half into this whole wedding affair. I had more fun shopping for maternity clothes (I did not yet need) than for my wedding dress.
Between July 7 and August 23
Nothing much happened. I continued to get chubbier and thicker around the waist, anxious to break into those maternity things I began to accumulate. I wanted to at least look pregnant since I still did not feel pregnant at all.
The search for the name began. We had no doubts whatsoever that we would name a girl Eleanor Rose. This is the name we came up with while Jenn was still expecting her No. 4. Since the name was never taken, and I had come up to start with, I felt it was simply meant for us to name our daughter that, should we have a daughter. With boys' names, however, we were having major problems. Among the runners up were: Declan, Owen, Nolan, with the middle name either Timothy or Michael.
We got married on August 23rd, on a "nice and beautiful day", as my Ellie would say now.
Friday, June 13, 2003
She first appeared before my eyes as a double line on the home pregnancy test. I saw them develop and the surge of joy that came after still remains to be matched by anything else I have experienced. I was bursting with happiness.
I went to a Party Lite party at Alan and Bobbie's house. Little Matthew was toddling about and I looked at hime with different eyes. Next year at this time MY BABY will be in my arms. MY BABY!!!
Thoughts and doubts came later during that first sleepless night when I tossed and turned and was afraid to lie on my stomach lest I should somehow harm my baby. MY BABY!!! I was 34 and completely in awe of the fact that inside me a new life was budding. It was almost impossible to believe.
Saturday, June 14, 2003
I finally abandoned all hopes of sleep and took a shower. I felt elated, anxious, nervous, ecstatic - all at once. I still haven't told Tim.
I looked some information up on the Internet. Hello, BabyCenter, my new best friend for the next 9 months. It was easy to calculate that the baby was concieved most likely on May 25th. That made me 5 almost 5 weeks pregnant. In the short time I had, I found out some basic information about pregnancy. Holy cow, how unbelievably ignorant I had been! I knew the pictures showed something that even remotely did not yet resemble a human being, but in my mind I had inside me the tiniest and the most perfectly formed baby - something like a Thumbelina from Hans-Christian Andersson's fairy tale. It swam happily around doing flips, not a care in the world, while its mother was freaking out at the prospect of making the announcement to its father.
Later that day...
Tim took it in stride. He is a great guy and a softie.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
We had agreed to not tell our parents and we both broke our promises on the same day. My Mom, Jane, and Tim Sr. were all thrilled and happy for us.
We had decided we would not make any "decisions" (wink-wink) until my first U/S is scheduled, and tonight Tim proposed and I accepted. It went something like this...
We were in bed, at his place, and he was fidgeting around. I asked him if I could rub his back or something, and he said "no". And then he asked me to be his wife. Every girl/woman dreams about these words but you can never know how you're actually going to feel until you do hear them. I loved him so much at that moment. I was so very, very happy. We called my mom right away, and she was absolutely ecstatic to hear the news. I did not go to work the following day, faking some excuse or other. Tim and I went out for breakfast and just hung out.
Between June 19 and July 7, 2003
This time was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. My main concern was that I DID NOT FEEL pregnant. I tried to search within myself for some symptoms of sickness or fatigue or food aversion, but alas, I felt very healthy and strong. I took a number of home pregnancy tests as though I was afraid they baby has somehow dissolved. In my mind, I had diagnosed myself with ectopic pregnancy and every other possible disorder. I would have given several years of my life for having the urge to throw up in the morning. I felt like a fake, an impostor.
I also found out that since I am O Neg I needed RhoGAM shots throughout the pregnancy. I got my first one on June 20th. I also had some spotting that scared the day light out of me, and Dr. Pfister's office sent me for some bloodwork. When I saw on the order sheet the words "Possible miscarriage", my heart sank. How little time it takes to become a mother! How amazing that so much love could be felt toward someone that I have not even seen or held in my arms. Yet I knew I wanted this baby more than anything in the world, and I would do anything in the world to make sure it was happy and healthy.
This pregnancy suddenly catapulted me from being a 30-something single gal to being a fiancee and a prospective mother. Enough to distract even the most focused mind, let alone my own easily wandering one. And so, when I went to NYC, for some worthless conference or other, with my boss, I sincerely doubt my participation was advantageous to any. The first evening there, I ran out to a CVS pharmacy across the street from the Westin and bought yet another pregnancy test, just to be sure the baby was still inside me.
Our first official ultrasound was on July 7th, right after Tim and I became godparents to Tim's sister's youngest daughter, Kate. I was a little disappointed because the baby on the black and white printouts we received was nothing more than a glowing bean. But it was my bean, and very, very precious.
The plans for the wedding kicked in. Needless to say, my heart was only half into this whole wedding affair. I had more fun shopping for maternity clothes (I did not yet need) than for my wedding dress.
Between July 7 and August 23
Nothing much happened. I continued to get chubbier and thicker around the waist, anxious to break into those maternity things I began to accumulate. I wanted to at least look pregnant since I still did not feel pregnant at all.
The search for the name began. We had no doubts whatsoever that we would name a girl Eleanor Rose. This is the name we came up with while Jenn was still expecting her No. 4. Since the name was never taken, and I had come up to start with, I felt it was simply meant for us to name our daughter that, should we have a daughter. With boys' names, however, we were having major problems. Among the runners up were: Declan, Owen, Nolan, with the middle name either Timothy or Michael.
We got married on August 23rd, on a "nice and beautiful day", as my Ellie would say now.