rambling
Well, seems i found some time. I grounded myself until the end of term. Partly as a way to make sure i work on some homework, partly as an excuse to get away from everyone. Ive been feeling extreamly anti-social. I will talk to someone if they talk to me but i wont try and start up a conversation. I just havent had the energy. I dont want to make plans i dont want to drive/ go anywhere. I just want to sit at home and be alone. Somesort of reaction to... i dunno,life maybe? I didnt think it would last very long, but its been about a week. Ive been "grounded" for almost three weeks. I told mom i grounded myself. so she's enforcing it. i have one day a week i can go do whatever.
Surprisingly enough i have been getting homework done too. Not as much as i would have liked. But im not a super genious. i want to try and get all my late work in, but thats like doing all the work for the whole term in two weeks. but at least i will pass my classes. And im not really too stressed out about it, just resigned that i need to at least make an effort.
I think about how i wanted to go to college out of state soo bad. Or at least head off to college as soon as i graduate. But now ive lowered my sights to just SLCC for my generals then go from there. Dropping IB did a number on me. I havent put much importance on school anymore. I swear mom is afraid im going to drop out and get pregnant or something. And i talked to her about moving out with emily. She's determined to convince me to live with her or my dad. She doesnt want me to take the risk of renting. But i have to learn sometime right? and if i have dependable people with me, whats the harm. I wanted to try and build my credit.. but mom is adamantly against me doing anything on my own. I cant do ANYTHING financially till im 18. that sets me back severely, everyone says im getting a headstart cause im graduating so young... but im not really.
I feel like ive let myself down sometimes too though. Like everything mom is saying is just an echo of what ive already told myself. I was even ashamed to show my grandmother my report card last term, usually i get paid for it, but i didnt want to listen to her lecture on how "you can do better than this if you only APPLY yourself" and so on and so forth. My dad doesnt care, hes happy if i get c's. Mom is a little dissapointed, but as long as im passing and still in school she wont say anything.
Thats another thing thats been bothering me. How much my dad seems not to care. Seriously, he just lets me go off by myself when im over there. He doesnt try and keep track of me. He doesnt set times to be home. If im late he doesnt call to check on me, he doesnt wait up. And i know its just cause he trusts me and expects me to be able to handle myself, but sometimes i wish i could be treated like daddys little girl again... when he still had his house i would make him tuck me in at night. i would wait up till 2-3 in the morning just so i could have him tuck me in. now though, he barely says goodnight. Same with my mom, i dont even know that she went to bed some nights.
Ok enough rambling, ive just been distant from everyone lately including myself.
Surprisingly enough i have been getting homework done too. Not as much as i would have liked. But im not a super genious. i want to try and get all my late work in, but thats like doing all the work for the whole term in two weeks. but at least i will pass my classes. And im not really too stressed out about it, just resigned that i need to at least make an effort.
I think about how i wanted to go to college out of state soo bad. Or at least head off to college as soon as i graduate. But now ive lowered my sights to just SLCC for my generals then go from there. Dropping IB did a number on me. I havent put much importance on school anymore. I swear mom is afraid im going to drop out and get pregnant or something. And i talked to her about moving out with emily. She's determined to convince me to live with her or my dad. She doesnt want me to take the risk of renting. But i have to learn sometime right? and if i have dependable people with me, whats the harm. I wanted to try and build my credit.. but mom is adamantly against me doing anything on my own. I cant do ANYTHING financially till im 18. that sets me back severely, everyone says im getting a headstart cause im graduating so young... but im not really.
I feel like ive let myself down sometimes too though. Like everything mom is saying is just an echo of what ive already told myself. I was even ashamed to show my grandmother my report card last term, usually i get paid for it, but i didnt want to listen to her lecture on how "you can do better than this if you only APPLY yourself" and so on and so forth. My dad doesnt care, hes happy if i get c's. Mom is a little dissapointed, but as long as im passing and still in school she wont say anything.
Thats another thing thats been bothering me. How much my dad seems not to care. Seriously, he just lets me go off by myself when im over there. He doesnt try and keep track of me. He doesnt set times to be home. If im late he doesnt call to check on me, he doesnt wait up. And i know its just cause he trusts me and expects me to be able to handle myself, but sometimes i wish i could be treated like daddys little girl again... when he still had his house i would make him tuck me in at night. i would wait up till 2-3 in the morning just so i could have him tuck me in. now though, he barely says goodnight. Same with my mom, i dont even know that she went to bed some nights.
Ok enough rambling, ive just been distant from everyone lately including myself.