i finally figured out that its time to cuddle up with no one and miss you.
love is a truly incredible thing. but i have come to realize that i will never know it [again] until i love myself. i don't think it is possible to give the proper kind of love without doing so. i like myself a lot. i think when it all boils down to it, i'm a good kid. but that's not enough and i know that. i know that there is a lot to me that is not good enough.
i do love my friends. my true friends are my family. and for those i love i will sacrifice. it is so hard for me to make friends, especially girls. i just feel like i want to be intense and passionate. and no one wants that. everyone only wants good times. and i want good times too, but not under the guise of thoughtlessness or emotionlessness. i want every wound to bleed. because that is the only way i know how to live. i want to laugh at every joke. i want to feel each knife positioned in my back. because it only makes me stronger. i don't want to ever think that there were words i should have left unsaid. or someone i should have never shared a part of me with.
i want to struggle in life. i want to know i am alive. because happiness isn't happiness without the strife.
give blood by bane has been such an eye opener for me.
and when the time comes, these words will apply to me and no longer just be a wish. patience is a virtue. i will be a saint.
so while you stand there with your hands over your eyes and a smile on your face, i'll wish i had all the right words to say at just the right times -- words to fashion your regrets into the snow you can't help but lose to the sun. so now i bare this burden; to mend every wound in her heart, piece back together everything she's lost, and somehow make her realize she is beautiful.
HIGH HOPES AND WISHFUL THINKING HAVE BEEN KEEPING ME UP TOO LATE.
i'm never, ever singing the words to those songs about lost or unrequited love. never again.