My Way
Earlier this evening I decided to roll over to TJ's diner, a spot I have more than a passing familiarity with, for a bite to eat - and I craved a spot of conversation. I called some friends to meet me there and a couple came. We talked about computers and a LAN party we were preparing to host, and generally had a fun time talking things over. Close to the end of their visit, my pal Chris brought up a friend of his he had brought there about a week ago. Chris has been going through a rather painful separation with his wife, and he had brought her up there for whatever reason (though i can imagine). I think her name might have been Mandy and I remember her dressed in all black whilst reading the apartment guide over the conversations about computers and computer gaming.
Chris made a point to bring her up tonight, commenting that she really wasn't "his type". I'm not sure why he did, but he immediately followed by saying she was more "your type, Matthew". He then re-asserted that the women I knew were alright though. Funny. I didn't know I had any sort of "type". It got me thinking, and not just about his assertations of what my type is, despite my relatively short experience in the realm of romantic matters.
Was my type what he asserts it might be, or just the differences from his prior mate? Just from observing his marriage, I guess I could tell his type against mine, at least in his judgement. His kind might be subservient, antisocial, lonely, easy to settle, convenient, and unthinking. (I don't care if he's reading this). Granted he might have simply been projecting his own discovered incompatibility with this woman, in that I'm not sure if they've met before or he may have met her online and just met in person. But by making the suggestion this this woman is "my type" he is acting on a few presumptions. Namely he is presuming that I might prefer females to male partners, prefer things that he does not, and prefer to have a single partner rather than multiple. These are socially engineered presumeptions, and are safe to bet on, but it was insulting nonetheless.
Well then, despite my limited experience, I began thinking about what my type might be. Here's what I've got so far, since I'm not quite sure if I've met this person quite yet:
- My type thinks for themselves because they are open to new information. They will not simply accept what they are told is right, because they know how to and want to make their own decisions, based off of a continuing body of evidence. (sounds vague, but applies)
- My type wants to be in a relationship not simply because they are lonely, but wants to be there (read: with me) because it is where they want to be. They can be comfortable on their own, among other friends and doinf their own thing, but find a special and significant connection with me.
- My type understands that a healthy relationship involves time apart from each other. We will live our lives independantly, and share some time together. But living as a couple all of the time might be impossible.
- My type is unafraid to tell me exactly what they want, what they fear, what they love. They know at least a few things they want out of life, and are not afraid of being judged because they know only they can change these things.
- My type understands that I can help in some things, but not all. We both should understand this princible. Falling in love with anyone (or any two) does not mean that all of your problems will go away through the shear power of love. Things can be challenged together, and adversity overcome, but we cannot defeat all foes.
- My type isn't afraid to pick me apart, but also isn't afraid to encourage me. We can be better, together. They don't try to change who I am unless it is concretely detrimental to my being, and I do the same for them. The object is to become better people through each other - a mutually beneficial relationship. Likewise we can encourage positive aspects of each other that make us better individually.
- My type isn't afraid of challenging gender roles - in themselves or myself. They are their own person, independant of people's expectations, including my own.
- My type chooses where they want to be everyday they wake up. They understand the obligations of the day, and might question the order of things, but it is important that we both want to be there. They might not be encouraged in off days, but are free to lead their own path any day. With or without them, if you love something you sometimes have to let it go.
- My type is almost entirely uninhibited. They have tasted life, and at least know what they don't want anymore if they don't know what they do want.
- My type is easy going about conflict. At the same time, they do care about other people and causes. They are not sociopathic, and though they are pacifistic in their battles because they know how people react differently, they understand when people need help even when they say they don't. Their welfare is just as important as that of others, even those they do not know personally. It is important to care about things to them.
- My type is creative. They want to express themselves, even if they don't always know how to. They are human beings and expect to be treated as such - creative beings.
- My type knows what they like but are open to new things. They don't always settle for the usual, and will always challenge themselves. They make up their decisions based off of any situation.
- My type is willing to work through things, as they are willing to have me work through theirs. They love my qualities and faults, and I love theirs. Above all things, we can work together to become better people. Comprimise is a quality of virtue, unless the things comprimised are virtues. We will understand, but challenge each other. And it will bring us even closer to one another - some things are worth it.
I expect all of these things in myself, and in my friends for that matter. It's an incomplete list of qualities I look for in people, and hope to embody myself. Certainly not a definitive list, but a shot at a start. Granted, I am not so active in persuing people. I'd like to find someone like these things, but until then I'll be alright. There's no sense to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I want to be there, and I hope they might too. I'll know if I get there, and they will too. Where have they been, and why should we care? We'd be there and then, and hopefully would continue to be for many then's and there's. And we'd just be. That's my type.
(maybe i'll get to read this to somebody after we meet? if not, it's just a bohemian brood of expectations. completely necessary either way. I like writing about these things, and hope you enjoy reading about these dreams. Meanwhile I'll just be living my life. No sense in waking me, i'm already aware. I love you all, honestly.)
Chris made a point to bring her up tonight, commenting that she really wasn't "his type". I'm not sure why he did, but he immediately followed by saying she was more "your type, Matthew". He then re-asserted that the women I knew were alright though. Funny. I didn't know I had any sort of "type". It got me thinking, and not just about his assertations of what my type is, despite my relatively short experience in the realm of romantic matters.
Was my type what he asserts it might be, or just the differences from his prior mate? Just from observing his marriage, I guess I could tell his type against mine, at least in his judgement. His kind might be subservient, antisocial, lonely, easy to settle, convenient, and unthinking. (I don't care if he's reading this). Granted he might have simply been projecting his own discovered incompatibility with this woman, in that I'm not sure if they've met before or he may have met her online and just met in person. But by making the suggestion this this woman is "my type" he is acting on a few presumptions. Namely he is presuming that I might prefer females to male partners, prefer things that he does not, and prefer to have a single partner rather than multiple. These are socially engineered presumeptions, and are safe to bet on, but it was insulting nonetheless.
Well then, despite my limited experience, I began thinking about what my type might be. Here's what I've got so far, since I'm not quite sure if I've met this person quite yet:
- My type thinks for themselves because they are open to new information. They will not simply accept what they are told is right, because they know how to and want to make their own decisions, based off of a continuing body of evidence. (sounds vague, but applies)
- My type wants to be in a relationship not simply because they are lonely, but wants to be there (read: with me) because it is where they want to be. They can be comfortable on their own, among other friends and doinf their own thing, but find a special and significant connection with me.
- My type understands that a healthy relationship involves time apart from each other. We will live our lives independantly, and share some time together. But living as a couple all of the time might be impossible.
- My type is unafraid to tell me exactly what they want, what they fear, what they love. They know at least a few things they want out of life, and are not afraid of being judged because they know only they can change these things.
- My type understands that I can help in some things, but not all. We both should understand this princible. Falling in love with anyone (or any two) does not mean that all of your problems will go away through the shear power of love. Things can be challenged together, and adversity overcome, but we cannot defeat all foes.
- My type isn't afraid to pick me apart, but also isn't afraid to encourage me. We can be better, together. They don't try to change who I am unless it is concretely detrimental to my being, and I do the same for them. The object is to become better people through each other - a mutually beneficial relationship. Likewise we can encourage positive aspects of each other that make us better individually.
- My type isn't afraid of challenging gender roles - in themselves or myself. They are their own person, independant of people's expectations, including my own.
- My type chooses where they want to be everyday they wake up. They understand the obligations of the day, and might question the order of things, but it is important that we both want to be there. They might not be encouraged in off days, but are free to lead their own path any day. With or without them, if you love something you sometimes have to let it go.
- My type is almost entirely uninhibited. They have tasted life, and at least know what they don't want anymore if they don't know what they do want.
- My type is easy going about conflict. At the same time, they do care about other people and causes. They are not sociopathic, and though they are pacifistic in their battles because they know how people react differently, they understand when people need help even when they say they don't. Their welfare is just as important as that of others, even those they do not know personally. It is important to care about things to them.
- My type is creative. They want to express themselves, even if they don't always know how to. They are human beings and expect to be treated as such - creative beings.
- My type knows what they like but are open to new things. They don't always settle for the usual, and will always challenge themselves. They make up their decisions based off of any situation.
- My type is willing to work through things, as they are willing to have me work through theirs. They love my qualities and faults, and I love theirs. Above all things, we can work together to become better people. Comprimise is a quality of virtue, unless the things comprimised are virtues. We will understand, but challenge each other. And it will bring us even closer to one another - some things are worth it.
I expect all of these things in myself, and in my friends for that matter. It's an incomplete list of qualities I look for in people, and hope to embody myself. Certainly not a definitive list, but a shot at a start. Granted, I am not so active in persuing people. I'd like to find someone like these things, but until then I'll be alright. There's no sense to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I want to be there, and I hope they might too. I'll know if I get there, and they will too. Where have they been, and why should we care? We'd be there and then, and hopefully would continue to be for many then's and there's. And we'd just be. That's my type.
(maybe i'll get to read this to somebody after we meet? if not, it's just a bohemian brood of expectations. completely necessary either way. I like writing about these things, and hope you enjoy reading about these dreams. Meanwhile I'll just be living my life. No sense in waking me, i'm already aware. I love you all, honestly.)