Shattered Illusions - Part 1 - Jack/Samantha Fanfiction
Title: Shattered Illusions
Author: M. Elizabeth Ravensblood
Rating: NC-17, language, violence, sexuality
Warning: Non-Con between Jack/Samantha and very graphic violence
Pairing: Jack/Samantha
Summary: For two years, Sam has been dating Albert Newquay, unaware of his true identity she pines for a man she thinks doesn't really exist. A spurned proposal leads to violence and a romantic evening turns into something dark and ugly. Post Season 3, Jack never showed up at the cabin and Lucas killed himself.
Author's Notes: This is for my lovely friend moonvoice who had been craving some Jack/Samantha non-con.
I tried very hard to write something that has a lot of psychological complexity and that could take the characters to a very dark place without making them unredeemable. The result was a very long and dark tale that is probably my darkest piece to date. The rape in this story is very graphic and as realistic as possible - it is about violence and not about sex. I tried very hard to capture the mixed feelings a woman feels when someone she loves betrays her in the worst way possible.
Sitting at the opera, Samantha looked at her companion and mentally sighed. From his good looks and charm to the impeccable taste that came from being born into old money, he was everything she could possibly wish for in a man. Every day they were together, he lavished gifts and attention on her and every night she enjoyed the skilled touch he brought to the bedroom. In a single word, Albert Newquay was perfect. So why did it feel like something was missing?
For so long she had been alone, isolated by the Jack-Of-All-Trades case. When Coop had pursued her, she agreed to date him because his erratic schedule would limit their time together. Having sex during the two times a month his schedule allowed had taken the edge off and she thought it might not place him in as much danger as if he were around on a regular basis. His limited intellect prevented him from questioning her fascination with Jack too deeply which had been a problem with Tom during the final days of their marriage. At one time, John had been interested in her and Bailey might have been as well with a bit of encouragement; but they meant too much to her as friends to put them in danger that way and worse they were more perceptive and would have seen what her obsession with Jack had become.
The brilliance her nemesis had shown during his twisted courtship had been breathtaking. Despite the horrific nature of his offerings, it was impossible not to be impressed by the depth of their meaning. Jack had been her dark knight, slaying the enemies he perceived in her life and offering his odd version of courtly love. Over time his attentions had begun to work their way deep into her psyche and penetrated the depths of her heart. The climax of her feelings had come when she came face to face with Jack in the prison and had killed his Jill. The moment when she turned and shot Sharon, she could feel Jack's approval and felt an adrenaline high unlike any she'd ever experienced before. Although she'd often wondered what it would feel like to step into Jack's world, her wildest fantasies couldn't have prepared her for the rush she felt as took Sharon's life. But her pleasure was short lived as she took Donald Lucas out with a single punch days later and her dreams were shattered.
In the months following Donald's arrest, life was dull and blurry for her. Sam struggled to accept that the brilliant man who'd haunted her so long was nothing more than a garden variety psychopath who lived a quiet life. She'd felt a brief flicker of hope when a body with a rose turned up in Otis, California; but as the murder was traced back to Donald Lucas her hopes died once more. The man of her twisted dreams didn't exist and she had to accept it. Life at the VCTF became difficult to bear as Bailey continually pushed at her to resume her normal life. Although she knew her mentor meant well, his pressing her only made her feel more alone.
Shortly after Donald Lucas' trial and subsequent suicide, Samantha tendered her resignation at the VCTF. Determined to try and find a way to go on and put her heartbreak behind her, she decided she needed a new start if she was going to let got of the past. Bailey had argued and tried to persuade her to stay, but her resolve was firm. For over a decade her life had revolved around a man who never really existed. Her former life had focused around an illusion and now she would have learn to live with the truth.
For the first time in years she had been faced with finding a job. Although she toyed with the idea of going into private practice, Samantha felt like she needed a clean break from anything that might remind her even remotely of Jack. For weeks she looked through the classifieds to no avail, until fate intervened in the form of Angel.
While making the arrangements for one of her pieces to appear in a show of up and coming artists at the Atlanta Museum of Art, Angel heard about an opening in the museum's public relations department and urged her to apply. Doubtful she'd be hired and unsure if she even wanted to work at the museum, Sam reluctantly applied to appease Angel. To her surprise, the museum hired her believing that her background in psychology could be beneficial in fundraising. The position was a huge departure from her former job and she decided might be just the change she was looking for. A normal life might never be within her reach but she had to find a way to live.
Fundraising lacked the intensity of profiling, but then her former profession had lost it's luster in the wake of the Donald Lucas disaster. Her abilities proved quite useful in her new career and she settled quickly into her position at the museum. During her time at the VCTF, Samantha felt more comfortable at work than she did at home and shortly after starting at the museum, she found her new workplace offered her a similar respite. She cared about her daughter, but she felt uneasy around her. Just before the Donald Lucas trial, Sam persuaded Angel to move into the colonial monstrosity she'd purchased which freed up her time. Once more, Samantha's life centered around her job. She couldn't say she felt happy but it was the closest to anything approaching normal she'd felt in a long time.
A brief shadow was cast over the new chapter of Samantha's life when Angel decided she needed to start dating once more. The last man she'd been involved with had been Paul Sterling and she'd felt absolutely no spark whatsoever. Angel started setting her up on blind dates with candidate after candidate who was anything but suitable. Her irritation with her friend had reached the breaking point when she set Sam up with an artist on the night of a very important benefit and the man had shown up to the black tie affair in a dashiki and birkenstocks. Her date insisted on not leaving her side and repeatedly drug her onto the dance floor, humiliating her in front of some of the museum's most important donors. Midway through what promised to be the longest evening of her life, she was rescued by one of the museum's largest donors, Albert Newquay. That night he swept her across the dance floor and in the weeks that followed he swept Samantha off her feet.
In the two years since they'd met, she'd been seeing him steadily. Most of the time she was content and enjoyed his company. Albert was attentive and solicitous when he escorted her on dates, then afterwards he would take her home with him and he would push her body to levels of pleasure she'd never experienced with any of her previous lovers. She enjoyed his company, he was always agreeable, and disagreements were unheard of between them. Sometimes, she would look at Albert and couldn't imagine her life without him. Other times, like tonight, she would feel as if something were missing.
Studying her companion, Samantha wondered if she was capable of love. Had her obsession with Jack rendered her incapable of the emotion? For so long she'd had secret feelings for the brilliant killer, until Lucas had destroyed her illusion. However her feelings had been real and if she were honest with herself, it had left her heartbroken. While she wasn't in love with Albert, when she was with him, it was the only time she felt anything other than sad and numb. After the Jack fiasco, feeling emotion for any man was frightening but her current lover made her feel very uncertain of whether she could trust him or herself for that matter.
Although Albert never did or said anything which would give her cause for alarm, there was a guarded quality to his eyes that gave her pause. She recognized the expression well because it was the same expression that haunted her in the mirror. Her wariness was the result of Jack and Donald Lucas. So what could have possibly invaded her lover's perfect and pampered world that made him so wary? Part of her was tempted to ask Bailey to investigate her companion but she had to admit that as much as the mysterious quality worried her, it also intrigued her. Albert was her puzzle to solve and she had no intention of sharing him.
As music wafted up from the stage to their opera box, Sam studied her companion until she was suddenly aware he was returning her gaze. One eyebrow raised curiously and Samantha blushed and looked away. Beside her, Albert crossed his arms and his knuckles brushed very briefly against the side of her breast. The caress was almost imperceptible but sent her blood racing. Her lover might have secrets, but as her body responded, she knew she wasn't ready to give him up either. Pushing aside her doubts, Samantha returned her attention to the opera.
******************************
After the opera as they rode through the streets of Atlanta in the back of Albert's limousine, doubt filled her once more in the silence but was quickly banished when Albert closed the divider to the front of the limousine, pulled her into a tight embrace and started to slide his hands over her. The void would inevitably return later, but for now she embraced Albert and eagerly yielded to his touch as his hand slid underneath her gown. Resting her head against his shoulder, Samantha gasped when Albert's fingers found their way inside her panties and he captured her mouth in a heated kiss. Pleasure surged within her as her fears melted under the warmth of his caress.
The hour long drive from the heart of Atlanta to Albert's estate flew by as he teased Samantha. She was only aware they were approaching his home when his hand slipped out from under her gown and he gave her a wicked smile as he licked his fingers clean. Sitting up, Sam straightened her dress and returned his smile. The car pulled in front of the mansion and the driver cleared his throat before opening Albert's door. At one time Samantha would have blushed, but over time both she and the staff had gotten used to her frequent forays with Albert. As her paramour got out and offered her his hand, she took it and allowed him to help her from the limo into the house without giving him a second glance.
Inside the house, Albert gave her a brief kiss then murmured, "Would you mind waiting here for a few minutes, Sam?"
"Is anything wrong?"
"No," he said and nuzzled her reassuringly. "I need to make sure everything is in order for a little something I arranged for this evening."
Samantha watched as Albert walked up the marble staircase and disappeared into the upstairs. A sense of anticipation filled her as she waited. Her lover's surprises usually meant she would have a very enjoyable albeit sleepless night and she probably wouldn't get home for a day or two. She ought to call Angel and Chloe she considered briefly then dismissed the idea. Lately Angel was pushing her to spend more time with Chloe and to have her daughter spend more time with her and Albert. While her friend meant well, having more time with Chloe was one of the last things she wanted. Chloe had been less than enthusiastic when Sam had dated Paul Sterling and over time had gotten impossible when it came to her dating.
Her neglect during her tenure at the VCTF had driven a wedge between them. It was her own fault, but Chloe had become a painful reminder of Jack and her folly. No matter how hard she tried, Samantha couldn't seem to improve things with her daughter. Worse, whenever Chloe was around Albert, she was very sullen and would make snide remarks to him about how much better her father and Coop had been for Sam. The last time really pushed her over the edge when her daughter informed Albert that she'd rather have had her mother run off with Jack than be with him. Although Albert had responded with a bemused smile and hadn't gotten upset, it had been the last straw for her. Despite her concerns regarding her paramour, being with Albert was the only thing that made her feel alive and she wouldn't allow Chloe to take that from her, she thought frowning slightly.
"You seem a million miles away," a soft masculine voice said breaking her reverie.
"Just thinking that I should call Angel," Samantha replied and turned towards Albert. "But it can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I only want to think about you."
Bringing his hand from behind his back, Albert flourished a rose and smiled. "I like the sounds of that."
Unthinkingly, Samantha took the blossom as her companion drew closer and began to nuzzle her neck. She stared at the crimson flower dazedly. Although Albert often gave her flowers, they were always blooms like lilies, peonies, or orchids. He gifted her with any every type of flower except for roses. Roses no longer made her feel frightened exactly, but they did bring a certain ache to her heart. She hadn't discussed the Trades case with him, but had assumed he'd heard about the roses her stalker left from the trial coverage. Apparently not, she decided as she started at the crimson petals.
"Is anything wrong, Sam?"
"N-no. It's just-"
"You dislike roses?" Albert inquired. "Forgive me, Sam. I meant to cause you no displeasure. And certainly not on such an important night."
"Important night?" she echoed in confusion.
"Very. Tonight is two years to the day since I first encountered you at the museum."
"Oh." Their anniversary! She'd completely forgotten. She flushed with embarrassment and stammered, "I- I'm afraid I don't have anything for- It completely slipped my-"
"It's all right, Sam."
His expression was remote and guilt washed over her. Albert seemed to always have little surprises and presents for every occasion however small. Any wish, whim, or craving she ever had, he would track down her heart's desire and give it to her. If he sent servants to acquire the indulgences she wouldn't feel so guilty; but her lover always personally saw to her wishes. Gazing into normally warm dark eyes, the aloof quality made her feel terrible. Albert was the most loving and attentive man who had ever been in her life and she did less for him than she'd done for any other man she'd ever dated.
"Albert, I-"
"Clearly I didn't think this through properly," he said contritely. Taking the rose from her he tossed it onto a nearby table. "My apologies for having made you uncomfortable with my gift. I am deeply sorry I upset you, Sam."
While she might not be able to cover for the fact she'd forgotten their anniversary, she could at least attempt to do some damage control. Jack hadn't been real and it was foolish to assign so much meaning to roses after all this time. It still hurt to look at roses, but she wasn't about to hurt Albert over a single flower. Picking up the abandoned blossom, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his mouth to hers. Kissing him, she murmured, "I'm the one who should apologize."
"Are you sure the rose is all right? There are a few more upstairs."
Not what she'd hoped to hear, but she smiled and assured him. "I'm sure I'll love them. I just feel bad for forgetting how important tonight is."
"It's all right. There's always tomorrow to celebrate," Albert purred and swept her into his arms.
As he carried her up the stairs, she asked, "And what would tomorrow be?"
"The second anniversary of when a certain blonde first shared my bed."
Laughing, Samantha teased, "I seem to recall that happened about three hours after we met and you got me to leave the museum benefit to go out for pizza and we ended up having to get it to go."
"You were threatened with vegan h'orderves by your so-called date. It would have been ungentlemanly to allow you to be subjected to such unspeakable horror," he informed her lightly as they reached his bedroom door. "Technically it was another day since it was around one when we er got better acquainted, Sam."
"Mmmm, much better acquainted," she replied throatily.
Albert pushed the door open and carried her inside. Samantha's heart stopped as the heady and intoxicating scent of roses flooded her senses. It was a scene out of her best fantasies and her worst nightmares. Candles blazed everywhere amid roses. Blood red petals more than an inch thick literally carpeted the floor and the bed. On nearly every flat surface, arrangements of roses lolled in sensual abandon as music filled the air with romantic music. It was a scene for seduction. A fantasy tableaux that evoked passion and romance. Or rather would have in a normal woman. But she wasn't normal, Sam thought as she took in the room.
In her most secret fantasies, before Donald Lucas had come along, she'd imagined a room like this. Her mind would supply a shadowy male figure that had Jack's voice and she would submit to his will. From gentle and tender to demanding and intense, a thousand times, a thousand ways she'd coupled with Jack in her mind. Then Donald Lucas destroyed her fantasy world and she'd felt so lost. Now tonight, Albert had unwittingly created the room exactly, save the photos of Jack's victims. In trying to fulfill her fantasies, he accidentally evoked a fantasy she'd long buried.
Unable to stop herself, Sam asked, "Why?"
"Because I've wanted to make love to you on a bed of roses for as long as I can remember."
"Since the museum?" She forced a laugh and tried to smile as he sat her down on a small settee near the fireplace.
Removing his tie, Albert responded, "Longer than you can imagine."
From a gleaming bucket that stood on a table near the bed, he took a bottle of champagne and started to open it. Sam tried to steady her rapidly fraying nerves as he poured a glass of champagne and brought it to her. Taking the glass, she drank it in a single gulp. Albert gave her a curious look but merely brought the bottle and an empty glass over. Sitting his glass down on the small side table beside the settee, he poured her another glass before pouring one for himself. He took a sip and then proceeded to remove his jacket, vest, and cufflinks. Down to his shirt and suspenders, he took a seat beside her and pushed an errant lock of hair from her face.
"Are you all right? You seem quiet, Sam."
Plead a headache, her mind screamed. Think of something, anything, just leave. The empty feeling and all her disappointment flooded her senses. Unable to speak she sipped her champagne and looked at her companion. Still elegant, even in slight dishevel, his handsome face watching her with concern as an unwelcome thought rose up inside her. Why couldn't Jack have looked like Albert? Donald Lucas had made her feel dirty, even violated by the notion he'd invaded her mind so deeply. Her heart had become so heavy in the wake of the Lucas fiasco. Then Albert came along and her heart had sped up for the first time in so long. There was no Jack, there never would be; but perhaps if she gave into her fantasies for a night they would relinquish their hold on her.
Sitting her glass down, she demanded, "Kiss me."
As he obliged her, Samantha embraced the feeling of his mouth on hers. The scent of roses combined with the kiss in a dizzying combination that seemed to flood her senses. Melting against him, she brought his hand to her breast, urging him onwards. Polite and sweet Albert Newquay fell away from her mind as the tantalizing sense of Jack replaced him. It wasn't quite right, but among the roses with champagne singing in her veins, the fantasy almost felt real. A sense of urgency filled her and she was almost breathless with need.
His expression was almost amused as he asked huskily, "Shall we take this to the bed?"
"No." She shook her head and reached for his zipper. If she thought about it too long, the gentle millionaire would return. Right now she wanted nothing but sensation and to live her fantasy. Freeing her lover's cock and stroking it, she panted, "I can't wait. Do it here."
His need rising as well, Albert quickly slid his suspenders off his shoulders and moved to the floor. Kneeling, he grabbed Sam's legs and pulled her to the edge of her seat and pushed her skirt up. Opening the front of his trousers further for better access and pulling her panties to the side, his kissed her as he slid his arousal inside her. Meeting his thrusts eagerly, Samantha held onto him and allowed her mind to fuel her passion. As they moved together, she pressed her mouth to his nearly devouring him with years of need that had been silenced for so long. Only the fear of saying Jack's name prevented her from losing herself entirely in the fantasy. Dancing closer and closer to the edge, she quivered against Albert and moved faster.
"Samantha," Albert groaned as he began to shudder against her.
An almost inhuman cry tore from her throat as in a single word, her fantasy was completed and she came hard. Albert had made love to her many times, but never once had he called her Samantha. In bed and out, she was always Sam. It was the first time he'd ever used her name in it's entirety and the way he said it had been exactly as she'd dreamed of for so long. As her last tremors of pleasure were subsiding, Albert kissed her lightly and pressed his forehead against hers.
"My you were anxious tonight, Sam."
Sam. And with that, reality returned. It hadn't been Jack, she'd just used her boyfriend to fulfill her fantasy of fucking the serial killer who had stalked her for years. Albert would be horrified if he knew what she'd been doing. On their anniversary, she'd used him and pretended he was someone else. Guilt and shame filled her as she watched her lover collapse back onto the roses contentedly.
"I guess you didn't get your wish to make love on a bed of roses," Samantha commented as she tried to compose herself.
Laughing softly, Albert took a handful of rose petals and tossed them in air. As they cascaded down, he replied, "I think that was more than worth a slight delay. Besides, it's still early. We have all night my Sam."
"All night," she echoed hollowly.
Propping himself up on one arm, buttons missing from his shirt, Albert gave her a lazy smile. "You realize you've utterly disrupted my schedule tonight. I had this evening planned out very carefully and it just got thrown completely off."
"Sorry."
Crawling over to her, he pressed his mouth against her thigh as his fingers moved between her legs to touch their combining fluids. "Don't be sorry. I quite enjoyed it."
"I'm glad," she responded automatically.
Withdrawing his intimate caress, he looked up at her. "Is something wrong, darling?"
His face was filled with concern as he looked at her and Samantha felt even worse. Unknown to him, she'd used him to fantasize about Jack after forgetting their anniversary earlier adding insult to injury. Time and again she took him for granted. Albert was always there take care of her, helping her even before Sam realized she needed help. Last Christmas she'd forgotten to do any shopping for Chloe until in she woke up in a panic on the 24th. Albert had laughed and taken her to a closet where he had everything that had been on her daughter's list and a few extra items to round it all out, already wrapped with blank gift tags waiting for her signature. Almost from the start, she would take without a second thought and he would give willingly. What had she ever really done for him other than give him her body which she'd been all too willing to do?
Although she cared about him, she never had gone out of her way to show him much tenderness outside of an occasional blow job. Perhaps it was because Jack or rather Lucas had made her incapable of really loving someone. Whatever the reason, Albert deserved better. Not tonight, she owed him at least their anniversary, but she had to leave him, Sam decided wistfully. As he looked at her, an inexplicable urge to cry rose up. She didn't love him. If she loved him she wouldn't have treated him this way. Using him to live out her fantasies about Jack had been the worst. The ghost of her past was still haunting her and she'd allowed it to taint yet one more relationship.
With Tom there had been ups and downs throughout their marriage. She'd cared about him; but when Jack appeared her marriage had started to fray and unravel. Her husband's slightly above average intellect couldn't compete with the killer's genius and a mutual dissatisfaction had taken root between Tom and her herself. In the final weeks of their marriage, ugly words were often exchanged and guilt more than grief had wracked her mind after Tom died. She'd exiled herself to punish herself for having felt the things for Jack that Tom had viscously but rightly accused her of feeling for her nemesis.
If she were honest with herself, Coop had been little more than a convenience. Someone to give her a few orgasms and a vague appearance of normalcy. Like her husband, he'd paid the ultimate price for his relationship with her. Samantha had been able to let her guilt go more readily over the gum smacking agent because Jack's death toll while it weighed on her it also soothed her. What was one more murder? Why should she destroy herself when Jack had only done what came naturally to him?
David Sterling had been little more than a reaction to Donald Lucas and had the relationship had fizzled before it really began. Yes, Jack was responsible for derailing her chances with David; but it hadn't really registered or mattered.
Each relationship had been destroyed by Jack but she'd accepted and understood. Ultimately, it hadn't mattered because the men had never touched her the way her phantom lover had. But then Albert came along and everything changed. He was the only man outside of Jack that made her truly feel anything. The emotions he stirred up terrified her. Unwilling to give him up and unable to trust what she felt, Samantha had held onto him without truly letting him in. Keeping Albert at a distance had allowed her to feel passion and to even occasionally be happy. Until tonight Jack's ghost had whispered along the edges but she'd never let him taint her relationship with Albert. After resisting the phantom of her past for so long, she'd succumbed once more when her lover had carried her among the roses.
Jack wasn't real. Albert was. And tonight she betrayed him for a man who didn't exist. Samantha wanted to throw herself into his arms, to confess and beg forgiveness, but his tenderness would turn to revulsion if she told him the truth. The damaged and twisted woman who hid behind a mask of lies would terrify him. Perhaps she did love him, or at least to whatever extent she was capable of the emotion, and that was why she had to end it. Better to hurt Albert a little rather than stick around until her mask began to crack and he saw what lay underneath.
"Sam?" Albert asked worriedly and moved to sit beside her. His fingers brushed moisture from her eyes. "Why the tears? Have I hurt you?"
Shaking her head, she answered, "No. It's just-"
"What?"
"I'm afraid of losing you," she admitted. Samantha truly was frightened. She would have to let him go, it was the only decent thing she could do. But what would become of her after he was gone? Albert had been the only glimmer of hope she'd had since Jack had been proved to be more myth than man. With no Jack and no Albert, what could life possibly hold for her?
"I'm not going anywhere, Sam."
"I know," she agreed. He wasn't going anywhere but tomorrow she would be. However, she wasn't going to deprive him of their anniversary and she intended to take the last hours of comfort and feeling she had left to her. Wiping her eyes, she said, "I guess I just was feeling overly emotional. I'm sorry."
Caressing her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead, he assured her, "Beautiful women never need to apologize."
"I'm sure I look wonderful after crying."
"As a matter of fact, I find your tears quite-" Albert paused to consider then traced his tongue over one tear stained cheek and finished by saying, "Delicious."
Sam laughed and smiled. "Have I told you lately how weird I think you are?"
"No. But please feel free to do so whenever you please."
"You, Albert Newquay are a very strange and wonderful man. I only wish-" Samantha trailed off as she remembered her decision to end their relationship in the near future. She would miss Albert's playfulness, but he deserved better than to be a stand in for Jack. Tears threatened to spill once more and she tried to control her emotions in vain.
"Only wish what?"
"That this never would end."
"Why would it?"
"I don't know, I guess I- I-" Unwanted tears began to fall once more.
"Saman- Sam, darling, I told you I'm not going anywhere."
Nodding she agreed, "Yes. Think I'm just feeling emotional because it's our- our anniversary."
Taking her face in his hands, Albert wiped her tears away gently with his thumbs. "Still lovely."
Giggling slightly, she tried to push aside her the unwanted lump of emotion in her throat. She could stay with him and never let him know how she felt about Jack. But it wouldn't last forever. Eventually he would figure out something was wrong with her. Albert might not be the love of her life, but she cared a lot about him and couldn't bear the thought of him hating her one day. When Tom had figured out she had feelings for Jack and their marriage began to fall apart it had hurt and she'd hated herself for the pain she'd caused him. If the tender expression in Albert's dark eyes became one of hatred and contempt, Samantha didn't think she could survive it. One man she'd loved had come to hate her and had been destroyed because of her, she wouldn't allow Albert to suffer as Tom had. Leaving him in a few weeks would be the kindest thing for both of them. Forcing a slight smile she met Albert's concerned gaze.
"I'm okay."
"No," he corrected. "You're amazing."
"You're sweet. And I am probably a complete mess now," Sam replied as he offered her a handkerchief from his pocket. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. At the unladylike sound she made a face and declared, "See, not so pretty at the moment."
"Perfection. I told you, you're beautiful when you cry."
Laughing, she teased, "In that case, maybe I should cry more often."
Rising, Albert said, "By all means, but I should warn you. If you keep it up, I may be unable to resist your beauty."
"Have to have your wicked way with me, huh?"
"That or I'll just have to marry you. That way I can have my wicked way with you whenever I want," Albert informed her.
Marry her? Oh God! He was going to propose, Samantha realized in alarm.
******************************
Unaware of her distress, Albert stood and fastened his pants, his suspenders still hanging around his waist.
"I think it's time I gave you your present. Don't you?"
No! Samantha's mind screamed as she nodded. "Okay."
She watched as he walked to his closet door. As she tried desperately to think of a way to escape, Sam heard him opening and closing a drawer inside the massive walk in closet. Saying no would hurt her as much to say as it would hurt him to hear it. If he'd asked her a week ago she might have said yes. But after tonight brought her Jack fantasies to the front of her mind once more she couldn't say yes to him. Damn you, Jack! Samantha thought angrily. Why did he have to haunt her still? Why couldn't she love Albert properly? Saying yes sounded so natural in her mind, but she didn't dare accept. If she accepted, it would only hurt him more when she split up with him. Telling him no, was the kind thing to do, she decided dejectedly and waited for him to join her once more.
Albert came into the room holding a small black velvet box and looking almost shy as he moved towards her. Mentally Sam willed the box to hold earrings or a pendant, anything but an engagement ring. Her hopes were dashed as reached her and got on one knee. Looking down at his handkerchief that was still in her hands, she pretended to examine it as she tried to think of what she would tell him. Tracing the initials with her fingertip, inspiration struck to buy herself some time.
"A-J-N? What does the J stand for?" Sam inquired anxiously.
"Jackson."
"Huh. You know most men with the initials A-J are Andrew Jackson rather than Albert Jackson?"
"Southerners are big on tradition."
"So why did your mother-"
Interrupting, Albert replied, "She read a book about Jack the Ripper when she was pregnant with me. Prince Albert Victor was one of the possible suspects. She thought he looked romantic and couldn't possibly have been the killer. She started referring to me as her little prince and I ended up getting stuck with the name."
"So why the Jackson part then?"
"After my grandfather."
"Are you anything like him?"
"I have no idea," he sighed in frustration. Smiling indulgently he inquired,"Why so many questions all of a sudden?"
"Nerves I guess," she replied truthfully.
"There's nothing for you to be nervous about, Sam. If anything I'm the one who's supposed to be nervous. Now since you've asked me so many questions, I think it's only fair you let me ask you one, don't you?"
Knowing she couldn't delay him indefinitely, she nodded in agreement and sat the handkerchief aside.
"Sam, I've loved you since the moment I saw you. There are words for how much or how long I've adored you, but I would like to try and find them," Albert said and took her hand. Opening the box he asked, "Would you allow me to spend the rest of my life trying to find those words?"
"Albert, I-"
"Marry me. Tell me you'll be mine and I'll worship you as no other woman ever has before."
His face was full of hope and Sam's heart sank. It was even harder than she'd imagined. Gently she answered, "I wish I could say yes."
"You wish you could say yes," he echoed, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Albert, I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I'd like to say yes. I'd love to marry you."
"Then why?"
"Because as much as I love you, I'm in love with someone else."
"Tom," Albert spat angrily.
"No. Not Tom. It's someone from my past."
The velvet box slid from his hands and her grabbed her wrists tightly. Angrily he demanded, "Who? Who is he?"
His grip was painful, but she welcomed the distraction. "You don't want to know, Albert. Please just trust me this is for the best."
Moving up so they were nose to nose, he was shaking as he repeated his question, each word hard and deliberate like the stab of a knife. "Who the hell is he, Sam?"
Guilt and heartache filling her, she started to cry. "Please, darling. Just let this go. You don't really know him. I've already hurt you enough. This is so hard. Please just let me go home. Forget about this- about me."
"Is it Malone?"
There was no softness to his gaze as he looked at her. Barely contained fury radiated from him as Samantha answered, "No. It's not Bailey."
"The clown then?"
"Clown? What clown?" she asked in confusion.
"You know God damn well who I mean. John Grant."
"No." His grip had tightened to the point she could feel bruises forming underneath his fingers. Fear filled her and she pulled away from him and stood up. Albert had every right to be angry, but she never thought he'd react so intensely.
Albert got up and moved over towards her. He gave her an unholy smile as he drawled, "You will give me his name before the night is out, Sam."
"Please believe me, you're better off not knowing. I'll call a cab and go home. We can talk about this another time."
"We'll talk about this now," Albert informed her and grabbed her from behind as she turned away.
One arm wrench behind her in his grasp, she pulled at his other arm which was across her throat. Although she could breath, she was unable to move.
Biting the side of her neck he murmured in her ear, "Why so anxious to leave? You were eager enough for my company earlier. Tell me were you thinking about him? Did you have to stop yourself from crying out his name when you came?"
Instinctively, Sam knew she should lie but found the truth spilling from her lips. "Yes. I was thinking of him."
To her surprise he released her suddenly and she stumbled to the floor. Looking up at him, she watched as he grabbed the bottle of Champagne and took several swallows. Albert turned away and threw the bottle against the wall. The violence of the explosion as the bottle hit the wall startled her. Samantha flinched but remained on the ground. Although she knew his fury could be turned on her and he could hurt her or even kill her, she didn't move. Perhaps if he hurt her, she could hate him and it wouldn't hurt so much. Even now she wanted to beg his forgiveness and tell him she would make it up to him for the rest of her life. If she couldn't love Albert, she was no longer capable of the emotion. Jack's ghost had killed her a long time ago and she was only just starting to realize it.
Sinking to the floor, Albert asked lightly, "Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me?"
Swallowing uneasily, she replied, "I think so."
"Do you now?"
Touching his arm, Sam assured him, "It's not you. It's me. I'm just screwed up. I'm too messed up inside to love you the way you deserve."
"The way I deserve," Albert echoed and met her gaze. "For two years, you've shared my bed and my life. I've given indulged your every whim and given you everything you could possibly ask for. I even paid for the dress you're wearing."
"I'm so sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am," he replied and shook her hand off his arm.
"Albert, I know you've done a lot for me."
"You have no idea of what I've done for you. Do you honestly think I give a damn about the money? This," he told her taking the neckline of her gown and ripping it. "This is meaningless. Money is meaningless-"
"Next to having the person you love," Sam interjected and tried to cover the flesh he'd exposed.
"No! You have no God damn idea why I'm so angry, do you?"
Reaching out with one hand to touch his face, she said, "Albert, I-"
Samantha was cut off as he grabbed her hand. His movement was so fast, she barely had time to register it as he forced her onto her back and held her wrist down. Instinctively she let go of her dress and pushed against his chest only to have her other hand imprisoned over her head as well.
"Everything! Everything has been for you! You think this is about being rejected after two years of polite dating?"
"Because I'm in love with someone else."
His face inches from hers, Albert growled, "That's merely the icing on the fucking cake. I should be used to it. You've pushed me aside and denied me for years while you gave your body to lesser men."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Caught up in his rage he ignored her question and continued his tirade. "I changed everything for you. I gave up everything that I was to become what you wanted. I moved into a house I hate, flashed my money and courted you in the most mundane and above board way."
"Albert, please. Let me go."
"Let you go? I don't think so. If I'm not good enough now, then I never will be. There's always going to be someone else isn't there."
"I don't want to love him," Sam said miserably.
Looking at her with disbelief, he shot back, "Don't you? Isn't this what you live for? To torment me, to make me run through hoops like all your other lap dogs and still reject me. How many times have you thought of him when you were with me?"
"Just tonight. I- I'm sorry."
"So this is how it ends? You let me screw you one last time while you thought of your heart's desire and refuse not only to marry me but to so much as tell me his name."
"Believe me you don't want to know."
"Oh but I do, my dear. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've killed someone?"
Had he lost his mind? She knew he was upset, but he wasn't making sense. A part of her felt terrified and wanted to break free of Albert's punishing grasp. But another part was enjoying the rush of adrenaline that coursed through her. What was wrong with her? Samantha wondered. It had to be some twisted remnant from her obsession with Jack she decided. Disturbed by the idea and alarmed by Albert's behavior, she began to struggle.
"Let go of me!"
"Never! I will never let you go. You're mine! You thought about another man while you were with me and think I'll simply let you go?"
"This isn't who you are, Albert."
"Albert, huh? I think it's about time we had a formal introduction, Samantha," he told her. "Call me, Jack."
It wasn't possible, her mind screamed. "You sick bastard! That's not funny!"
"No, it's not. For two years I've been your faithful lap dog. I've wait on you and desperately tried to earn your praise and had to listen to a name other than my own when we were in bed. I've given up everything I know and am to try and make you happy and yet you still reject me. I may not be able to make you love me, " Jack told her. Shifting so he held her wrists with only one hand. His other hand moved between them and panic filled Samantha as she heard the sound of his zipper. "But by God, I will have you one last time and you will know exactly who's fucking you."
"Albert, please!"
"No, Samantha. Not Albert, Jack. Albert was a pretty fiction I created for you. You don't love me? Fine. Give me your hate. But you will give yourself to me.
Sam began to struggle in earnest. "You're Albert Newquay! Bailey did a background check on you!"
"Ah yes, that. Not a hard thing for a rich man to pass. And the full name is Albert Jackson Newquay, my Samantha," Jack informed her, emphasizing his middle name.
"It's not possible! There is no Jack. Jack was nothing but an illusion created by Donald Lucas!"
"You may have looked through me in Otis, but I assure you I'm very real, Samantha."
"I told you that you resembled the sheriff there," she protested fearfully as his hand moved under her skirt and she felt her panties tear.
"I used to write your name as Sam, I called you Samantha, and somehow in two years, you've never asked about the scar on my outer right thigh from when you shot me."
Jack! He really was Jack! No one outside of herself or the VCTF would have known those things. Overwhelmed, she tried to take it all in. Caught up in her thoughts, she'd forgotten his intentions until she felt his cock pressed against her thigh. Horrified, she struggled harder and pleaded, "Jack, no! No!"
"No? Oh that's right? You're no doubt saving yourself for some unworthy fellow. Who exactly is he? Who were you thinking of earlier when you were so desperate to have me inside you?"
Wrenching her hands free she pushed against his chest and screamed, "You don't understand!"
"Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now? How much I hate you for reducing me to this?"
"Please, Jack!"
Anger washing over his face, Jack pressed against her. "That's it Samantha. Beg. You've begged me often enough as Albert. Always begging for another orgasm, to be filled up once more so you won't have to face how empty you are inside. Come on you traitorous little bitch, beg me."
"Not like this! Jack! Please stop!"
He kissed her hard silencing her protests. Samantha beat against his chest and gasped for air underneath him. As he savaged her mouth, she tried to close her thighs as his knees forced them apart and his cock touched her sex. She tried biting his tongue but it only provoked him further. Jack bit her lower lip and she tasted blood in the unwanted kiss. Vainly she tried to push him off with her legs but her feet slid on the rose petals. Despite her FBI training and the endorphins that were screaming in her body she was no match for him.
Rage fueled adrenaline poured off him in waves and her mind worked desperately to find words to stop him. She had to make him understand. If he forced her she would hate him. Wouldn't she? Yes! No- Oh God she didn't know. She only knew she had to get him to stop before it was too late. Albert was Jack. Jack was Albert. It was so much to try and take in. Although she'd desired both men, she needed time to reconcile them together as one man. She cared about him and wanted him, only not like this! If Jack took by force what she would have willingly given, they would both regret it.
"Jack, no! Listen to me! You don't want to do this! It doesn't have to be like this! I love you!"
"You love me," he laughed in harsh tone and loosened his grip on her slightly. "You refuse my proposal and expect me to believe you!"
Struggling to sit up, she insisted, "I know I hurt you. But it's true, Jack. I love you. And I want you, just not like this, please."
His grip tightened and he slammed her back against the floor once more as he spat furiously, "You tell me you were imagining of another man when you were screwing me. Then think I'll believe you when you say you love me?!"
"Jack! No! You don't understand!"
"Oh but I do, my precious little whore," he countered deceptively sweet tone. "I understand you've been using me while you were thinking of someone else."
"It's not like that! The other man-"
"You're mine! Do you understand me? Mine!" Jack rasped possessively.
"Jaaaaaa-"
Samantha gasped in shock as he slid inside her. Still wet from their earlier encounter, her sex offered him little resistance. Each thrust was bone jarringly violent as he pushed himself into her and took out a decade of frustration and anger on her. Twisting and pushing she tried to escape the painful onslaught. Her struggles seemed to barely faze him as he pounded his body relentlessly against hers. Jack trembled with rage as he held her down and ground his body into hers. The movement crushed the petals underneath them, causing the scent to fill the air with even greater intensity. The evening had gone from something romantic to something dark and ugly.
Wincing underneath him, Samantha bit her lower lip and tried to resist the urge to cry. She hated him for doing this to her and wanted him to stop. But even as he was hurting her, a part of her still cared about him which made it even worse. For so long she'd fantasized about him and wanted him, now he was twisting her desire and making it into something ugly. This wasn't what she wanted or who he was. Facing life without Jack had been hard, but she couldn't imagine how she would face it after what he was doing to her. Miserable, tears filled her eyes and she wished she could simply disappear. Vanish into the rose petals beneath them.
Gazing up at him, she saw the look on his face waver slightly. A flicker of uncertainty tinged the rage and grim determination of his expression. Eventually he would realize what he'd done and would hate himself, Samantha thought as she looked at him. His eyes met hers and his punishing rhythm faltered. Jack's movements slowed and he looked at her in confusion as if he were only just finally seeing her and realizing what he was doing. Suddenly he stopped moving altogether.
"Oh God," Jack whispered in revulsion and withdrew from her.
For a moment they stared at one another, then Jack's eyes went wide with horror and he clamped his hand over his mouth. Drawing back, he continued to look at her until he suddenly turned to the side and threw up.
******************************
Author: M. Elizabeth Ravensblood
Rating: NC-17, language, violence, sexuality
Warning: Non-Con between Jack/Samantha and very graphic violence
Pairing: Jack/Samantha
Summary: For two years, Sam has been dating Albert Newquay, unaware of his true identity she pines for a man she thinks doesn't really exist. A spurned proposal leads to violence and a romantic evening turns into something dark and ugly. Post Season 3, Jack never showed up at the cabin and Lucas killed himself.
Author's Notes: This is for my lovely friend moonvoice who had been craving some Jack/Samantha non-con.
I tried very hard to write something that has a lot of psychological complexity and that could take the characters to a very dark place without making them unredeemable. The result was a very long and dark tale that is probably my darkest piece to date. The rape in this story is very graphic and as realistic as possible - it is about violence and not about sex. I tried very hard to capture the mixed feelings a woman feels when someone she loves betrays her in the worst way possible.
Sitting at the opera, Samantha looked at her companion and mentally sighed. From his good looks and charm to the impeccable taste that came from being born into old money, he was everything she could possibly wish for in a man. Every day they were together, he lavished gifts and attention on her and every night she enjoyed the skilled touch he brought to the bedroom. In a single word, Albert Newquay was perfect. So why did it feel like something was missing?
For so long she had been alone, isolated by the Jack-Of-All-Trades case. When Coop had pursued her, she agreed to date him because his erratic schedule would limit their time together. Having sex during the two times a month his schedule allowed had taken the edge off and she thought it might not place him in as much danger as if he were around on a regular basis. His limited intellect prevented him from questioning her fascination with Jack too deeply which had been a problem with Tom during the final days of their marriage. At one time, John had been interested in her and Bailey might have been as well with a bit of encouragement; but they meant too much to her as friends to put them in danger that way and worse they were more perceptive and would have seen what her obsession with Jack had become.
The brilliance her nemesis had shown during his twisted courtship had been breathtaking. Despite the horrific nature of his offerings, it was impossible not to be impressed by the depth of their meaning. Jack had been her dark knight, slaying the enemies he perceived in her life and offering his odd version of courtly love. Over time his attentions had begun to work their way deep into her psyche and penetrated the depths of her heart. The climax of her feelings had come when she came face to face with Jack in the prison and had killed his Jill. The moment when she turned and shot Sharon, she could feel Jack's approval and felt an adrenaline high unlike any she'd ever experienced before. Although she'd often wondered what it would feel like to step into Jack's world, her wildest fantasies couldn't have prepared her for the rush she felt as took Sharon's life. But her pleasure was short lived as she took Donald Lucas out with a single punch days later and her dreams were shattered.
In the months following Donald's arrest, life was dull and blurry for her. Sam struggled to accept that the brilliant man who'd haunted her so long was nothing more than a garden variety psychopath who lived a quiet life. She'd felt a brief flicker of hope when a body with a rose turned up in Otis, California; but as the murder was traced back to Donald Lucas her hopes died once more. The man of her twisted dreams didn't exist and she had to accept it. Life at the VCTF became difficult to bear as Bailey continually pushed at her to resume her normal life. Although she knew her mentor meant well, his pressing her only made her feel more alone.
Shortly after Donald Lucas' trial and subsequent suicide, Samantha tendered her resignation at the VCTF. Determined to try and find a way to go on and put her heartbreak behind her, she decided she needed a new start if she was going to let got of the past. Bailey had argued and tried to persuade her to stay, but her resolve was firm. For over a decade her life had revolved around a man who never really existed. Her former life had focused around an illusion and now she would have learn to live with the truth.
For the first time in years she had been faced with finding a job. Although she toyed with the idea of going into private practice, Samantha felt like she needed a clean break from anything that might remind her even remotely of Jack. For weeks she looked through the classifieds to no avail, until fate intervened in the form of Angel.
While making the arrangements for one of her pieces to appear in a show of up and coming artists at the Atlanta Museum of Art, Angel heard about an opening in the museum's public relations department and urged her to apply. Doubtful she'd be hired and unsure if she even wanted to work at the museum, Sam reluctantly applied to appease Angel. To her surprise, the museum hired her believing that her background in psychology could be beneficial in fundraising. The position was a huge departure from her former job and she decided might be just the change she was looking for. A normal life might never be within her reach but she had to find a way to live.
Fundraising lacked the intensity of profiling, but then her former profession had lost it's luster in the wake of the Donald Lucas disaster. Her abilities proved quite useful in her new career and she settled quickly into her position at the museum. During her time at the VCTF, Samantha felt more comfortable at work than she did at home and shortly after starting at the museum, she found her new workplace offered her a similar respite. She cared about her daughter, but she felt uneasy around her. Just before the Donald Lucas trial, Sam persuaded Angel to move into the colonial monstrosity she'd purchased which freed up her time. Once more, Samantha's life centered around her job. She couldn't say she felt happy but it was the closest to anything approaching normal she'd felt in a long time.
A brief shadow was cast over the new chapter of Samantha's life when Angel decided she needed to start dating once more. The last man she'd been involved with had been Paul Sterling and she'd felt absolutely no spark whatsoever. Angel started setting her up on blind dates with candidate after candidate who was anything but suitable. Her irritation with her friend had reached the breaking point when she set Sam up with an artist on the night of a very important benefit and the man had shown up to the black tie affair in a dashiki and birkenstocks. Her date insisted on not leaving her side and repeatedly drug her onto the dance floor, humiliating her in front of some of the museum's most important donors. Midway through what promised to be the longest evening of her life, she was rescued by one of the museum's largest donors, Albert Newquay. That night he swept her across the dance floor and in the weeks that followed he swept Samantha off her feet.
In the two years since they'd met, she'd been seeing him steadily. Most of the time she was content and enjoyed his company. Albert was attentive and solicitous when he escorted her on dates, then afterwards he would take her home with him and he would push her body to levels of pleasure she'd never experienced with any of her previous lovers. She enjoyed his company, he was always agreeable, and disagreements were unheard of between them. Sometimes, she would look at Albert and couldn't imagine her life without him. Other times, like tonight, she would feel as if something were missing.
Studying her companion, Samantha wondered if she was capable of love. Had her obsession with Jack rendered her incapable of the emotion? For so long she'd had secret feelings for the brilliant killer, until Lucas had destroyed her illusion. However her feelings had been real and if she were honest with herself, it had left her heartbroken. While she wasn't in love with Albert, when she was with him, it was the only time she felt anything other than sad and numb. After the Jack fiasco, feeling emotion for any man was frightening but her current lover made her feel very uncertain of whether she could trust him or herself for that matter.
Although Albert never did or said anything which would give her cause for alarm, there was a guarded quality to his eyes that gave her pause. She recognized the expression well because it was the same expression that haunted her in the mirror. Her wariness was the result of Jack and Donald Lucas. So what could have possibly invaded her lover's perfect and pampered world that made him so wary? Part of her was tempted to ask Bailey to investigate her companion but she had to admit that as much as the mysterious quality worried her, it also intrigued her. Albert was her puzzle to solve and she had no intention of sharing him.
As music wafted up from the stage to their opera box, Sam studied her companion until she was suddenly aware he was returning her gaze. One eyebrow raised curiously and Samantha blushed and looked away. Beside her, Albert crossed his arms and his knuckles brushed very briefly against the side of her breast. The caress was almost imperceptible but sent her blood racing. Her lover might have secrets, but as her body responded, she knew she wasn't ready to give him up either. Pushing aside her doubts, Samantha returned her attention to the opera.
******************************
After the opera as they rode through the streets of Atlanta in the back of Albert's limousine, doubt filled her once more in the silence but was quickly banished when Albert closed the divider to the front of the limousine, pulled her into a tight embrace and started to slide his hands over her. The void would inevitably return later, but for now she embraced Albert and eagerly yielded to his touch as his hand slid underneath her gown. Resting her head against his shoulder, Samantha gasped when Albert's fingers found their way inside her panties and he captured her mouth in a heated kiss. Pleasure surged within her as her fears melted under the warmth of his caress.
The hour long drive from the heart of Atlanta to Albert's estate flew by as he teased Samantha. She was only aware they were approaching his home when his hand slipped out from under her gown and he gave her a wicked smile as he licked his fingers clean. Sitting up, Sam straightened her dress and returned his smile. The car pulled in front of the mansion and the driver cleared his throat before opening Albert's door. At one time Samantha would have blushed, but over time both she and the staff had gotten used to her frequent forays with Albert. As her paramour got out and offered her his hand, she took it and allowed him to help her from the limo into the house without giving him a second glance.
Inside the house, Albert gave her a brief kiss then murmured, "Would you mind waiting here for a few minutes, Sam?"
"Is anything wrong?"
"No," he said and nuzzled her reassuringly. "I need to make sure everything is in order for a little something I arranged for this evening."
Samantha watched as Albert walked up the marble staircase and disappeared into the upstairs. A sense of anticipation filled her as she waited. Her lover's surprises usually meant she would have a very enjoyable albeit sleepless night and she probably wouldn't get home for a day or two. She ought to call Angel and Chloe she considered briefly then dismissed the idea. Lately Angel was pushing her to spend more time with Chloe and to have her daughter spend more time with her and Albert. While her friend meant well, having more time with Chloe was one of the last things she wanted. Chloe had been less than enthusiastic when Sam had dated Paul Sterling and over time had gotten impossible when it came to her dating.
Her neglect during her tenure at the VCTF had driven a wedge between them. It was her own fault, but Chloe had become a painful reminder of Jack and her folly. No matter how hard she tried, Samantha couldn't seem to improve things with her daughter. Worse, whenever Chloe was around Albert, she was very sullen and would make snide remarks to him about how much better her father and Coop had been for Sam. The last time really pushed her over the edge when her daughter informed Albert that she'd rather have had her mother run off with Jack than be with him. Although Albert had responded with a bemused smile and hadn't gotten upset, it had been the last straw for her. Despite her concerns regarding her paramour, being with Albert was the only thing that made her feel alive and she wouldn't allow Chloe to take that from her, she thought frowning slightly.
"You seem a million miles away," a soft masculine voice said breaking her reverie.
"Just thinking that I should call Angel," Samantha replied and turned towards Albert. "But it can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I only want to think about you."
Bringing his hand from behind his back, Albert flourished a rose and smiled. "I like the sounds of that."
Unthinkingly, Samantha took the blossom as her companion drew closer and began to nuzzle her neck. She stared at the crimson flower dazedly. Although Albert often gave her flowers, they were always blooms like lilies, peonies, or orchids. He gifted her with any every type of flower except for roses. Roses no longer made her feel frightened exactly, but they did bring a certain ache to her heart. She hadn't discussed the Trades case with him, but had assumed he'd heard about the roses her stalker left from the trial coverage. Apparently not, she decided as she started at the crimson petals.
"Is anything wrong, Sam?"
"N-no. It's just-"
"You dislike roses?" Albert inquired. "Forgive me, Sam. I meant to cause you no displeasure. And certainly not on such an important night."
"Important night?" she echoed in confusion.
"Very. Tonight is two years to the day since I first encountered you at the museum."
"Oh." Their anniversary! She'd completely forgotten. She flushed with embarrassment and stammered, "I- I'm afraid I don't have anything for- It completely slipped my-"
"It's all right, Sam."
His expression was remote and guilt washed over her. Albert seemed to always have little surprises and presents for every occasion however small. Any wish, whim, or craving she ever had, he would track down her heart's desire and give it to her. If he sent servants to acquire the indulgences she wouldn't feel so guilty; but her lover always personally saw to her wishes. Gazing into normally warm dark eyes, the aloof quality made her feel terrible. Albert was the most loving and attentive man who had ever been in her life and she did less for him than she'd done for any other man she'd ever dated.
"Albert, I-"
"Clearly I didn't think this through properly," he said contritely. Taking the rose from her he tossed it onto a nearby table. "My apologies for having made you uncomfortable with my gift. I am deeply sorry I upset you, Sam."
While she might not be able to cover for the fact she'd forgotten their anniversary, she could at least attempt to do some damage control. Jack hadn't been real and it was foolish to assign so much meaning to roses after all this time. It still hurt to look at roses, but she wasn't about to hurt Albert over a single flower. Picking up the abandoned blossom, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his mouth to hers. Kissing him, she murmured, "I'm the one who should apologize."
"Are you sure the rose is all right? There are a few more upstairs."
Not what she'd hoped to hear, but she smiled and assured him. "I'm sure I'll love them. I just feel bad for forgetting how important tonight is."
"It's all right. There's always tomorrow to celebrate," Albert purred and swept her into his arms.
As he carried her up the stairs, she asked, "And what would tomorrow be?"
"The second anniversary of when a certain blonde first shared my bed."
Laughing, Samantha teased, "I seem to recall that happened about three hours after we met and you got me to leave the museum benefit to go out for pizza and we ended up having to get it to go."
"You were threatened with vegan h'orderves by your so-called date. It would have been ungentlemanly to allow you to be subjected to such unspeakable horror," he informed her lightly as they reached his bedroom door. "Technically it was another day since it was around one when we er got better acquainted, Sam."
"Mmmm, much better acquainted," she replied throatily.
Albert pushed the door open and carried her inside. Samantha's heart stopped as the heady and intoxicating scent of roses flooded her senses. It was a scene out of her best fantasies and her worst nightmares. Candles blazed everywhere amid roses. Blood red petals more than an inch thick literally carpeted the floor and the bed. On nearly every flat surface, arrangements of roses lolled in sensual abandon as music filled the air with romantic music. It was a scene for seduction. A fantasy tableaux that evoked passion and romance. Or rather would have in a normal woman. But she wasn't normal, Sam thought as she took in the room.
In her most secret fantasies, before Donald Lucas had come along, she'd imagined a room like this. Her mind would supply a shadowy male figure that had Jack's voice and she would submit to his will. From gentle and tender to demanding and intense, a thousand times, a thousand ways she'd coupled with Jack in her mind. Then Donald Lucas destroyed her fantasy world and she'd felt so lost. Now tonight, Albert had unwittingly created the room exactly, save the photos of Jack's victims. In trying to fulfill her fantasies, he accidentally evoked a fantasy she'd long buried.
Unable to stop herself, Sam asked, "Why?"
"Because I've wanted to make love to you on a bed of roses for as long as I can remember."
"Since the museum?" She forced a laugh and tried to smile as he sat her down on a small settee near the fireplace.
Removing his tie, Albert responded, "Longer than you can imagine."
From a gleaming bucket that stood on a table near the bed, he took a bottle of champagne and started to open it. Sam tried to steady her rapidly fraying nerves as he poured a glass of champagne and brought it to her. Taking the glass, she drank it in a single gulp. Albert gave her a curious look but merely brought the bottle and an empty glass over. Sitting his glass down on the small side table beside the settee, he poured her another glass before pouring one for himself. He took a sip and then proceeded to remove his jacket, vest, and cufflinks. Down to his shirt and suspenders, he took a seat beside her and pushed an errant lock of hair from her face.
"Are you all right? You seem quiet, Sam."
Plead a headache, her mind screamed. Think of something, anything, just leave. The empty feeling and all her disappointment flooded her senses. Unable to speak she sipped her champagne and looked at her companion. Still elegant, even in slight dishevel, his handsome face watching her with concern as an unwelcome thought rose up inside her. Why couldn't Jack have looked like Albert? Donald Lucas had made her feel dirty, even violated by the notion he'd invaded her mind so deeply. Her heart had become so heavy in the wake of the Lucas fiasco. Then Albert came along and her heart had sped up for the first time in so long. There was no Jack, there never would be; but perhaps if she gave into her fantasies for a night they would relinquish their hold on her.
Sitting her glass down, she demanded, "Kiss me."
As he obliged her, Samantha embraced the feeling of his mouth on hers. The scent of roses combined with the kiss in a dizzying combination that seemed to flood her senses. Melting against him, she brought his hand to her breast, urging him onwards. Polite and sweet Albert Newquay fell away from her mind as the tantalizing sense of Jack replaced him. It wasn't quite right, but among the roses with champagne singing in her veins, the fantasy almost felt real. A sense of urgency filled her and she was almost breathless with need.
His expression was almost amused as he asked huskily, "Shall we take this to the bed?"
"No." She shook her head and reached for his zipper. If she thought about it too long, the gentle millionaire would return. Right now she wanted nothing but sensation and to live her fantasy. Freeing her lover's cock and stroking it, she panted, "I can't wait. Do it here."
His need rising as well, Albert quickly slid his suspenders off his shoulders and moved to the floor. Kneeling, he grabbed Sam's legs and pulled her to the edge of her seat and pushed her skirt up. Opening the front of his trousers further for better access and pulling her panties to the side, his kissed her as he slid his arousal inside her. Meeting his thrusts eagerly, Samantha held onto him and allowed her mind to fuel her passion. As they moved together, she pressed her mouth to his nearly devouring him with years of need that had been silenced for so long. Only the fear of saying Jack's name prevented her from losing herself entirely in the fantasy. Dancing closer and closer to the edge, she quivered against Albert and moved faster.
"Samantha," Albert groaned as he began to shudder against her.
An almost inhuman cry tore from her throat as in a single word, her fantasy was completed and she came hard. Albert had made love to her many times, but never once had he called her Samantha. In bed and out, she was always Sam. It was the first time he'd ever used her name in it's entirety and the way he said it had been exactly as she'd dreamed of for so long. As her last tremors of pleasure were subsiding, Albert kissed her lightly and pressed his forehead against hers.
"My you were anxious tonight, Sam."
Sam. And with that, reality returned. It hadn't been Jack, she'd just used her boyfriend to fulfill her fantasy of fucking the serial killer who had stalked her for years. Albert would be horrified if he knew what she'd been doing. On their anniversary, she'd used him and pretended he was someone else. Guilt and shame filled her as she watched her lover collapse back onto the roses contentedly.
"I guess you didn't get your wish to make love on a bed of roses," Samantha commented as she tried to compose herself.
Laughing softly, Albert took a handful of rose petals and tossed them in air. As they cascaded down, he replied, "I think that was more than worth a slight delay. Besides, it's still early. We have all night my Sam."
"All night," she echoed hollowly.
Propping himself up on one arm, buttons missing from his shirt, Albert gave her a lazy smile. "You realize you've utterly disrupted my schedule tonight. I had this evening planned out very carefully and it just got thrown completely off."
"Sorry."
Crawling over to her, he pressed his mouth against her thigh as his fingers moved between her legs to touch their combining fluids. "Don't be sorry. I quite enjoyed it."
"I'm glad," she responded automatically.
Withdrawing his intimate caress, he looked up at her. "Is something wrong, darling?"
His face was filled with concern as he looked at her and Samantha felt even worse. Unknown to him, she'd used him to fantasize about Jack after forgetting their anniversary earlier adding insult to injury. Time and again she took him for granted. Albert was always there take care of her, helping her even before Sam realized she needed help. Last Christmas she'd forgotten to do any shopping for Chloe until in she woke up in a panic on the 24th. Albert had laughed and taken her to a closet where he had everything that had been on her daughter's list and a few extra items to round it all out, already wrapped with blank gift tags waiting for her signature. Almost from the start, she would take without a second thought and he would give willingly. What had she ever really done for him other than give him her body which she'd been all too willing to do?
Although she cared about him, she never had gone out of her way to show him much tenderness outside of an occasional blow job. Perhaps it was because Jack or rather Lucas had made her incapable of really loving someone. Whatever the reason, Albert deserved better. Not tonight, she owed him at least their anniversary, but she had to leave him, Sam decided wistfully. As he looked at her, an inexplicable urge to cry rose up. She didn't love him. If she loved him she wouldn't have treated him this way. Using him to live out her fantasies about Jack had been the worst. The ghost of her past was still haunting her and she'd allowed it to taint yet one more relationship.
With Tom there had been ups and downs throughout their marriage. She'd cared about him; but when Jack appeared her marriage had started to fray and unravel. Her husband's slightly above average intellect couldn't compete with the killer's genius and a mutual dissatisfaction had taken root between Tom and her herself. In the final weeks of their marriage, ugly words were often exchanged and guilt more than grief had wracked her mind after Tom died. She'd exiled herself to punish herself for having felt the things for Jack that Tom had viscously but rightly accused her of feeling for her nemesis.
If she were honest with herself, Coop had been little more than a convenience. Someone to give her a few orgasms and a vague appearance of normalcy. Like her husband, he'd paid the ultimate price for his relationship with her. Samantha had been able to let her guilt go more readily over the gum smacking agent because Jack's death toll while it weighed on her it also soothed her. What was one more murder? Why should she destroy herself when Jack had only done what came naturally to him?
David Sterling had been little more than a reaction to Donald Lucas and had the relationship had fizzled before it really began. Yes, Jack was responsible for derailing her chances with David; but it hadn't really registered or mattered.
Each relationship had been destroyed by Jack but she'd accepted and understood. Ultimately, it hadn't mattered because the men had never touched her the way her phantom lover had. But then Albert came along and everything changed. He was the only man outside of Jack that made her truly feel anything. The emotions he stirred up terrified her. Unwilling to give him up and unable to trust what she felt, Samantha had held onto him without truly letting him in. Keeping Albert at a distance had allowed her to feel passion and to even occasionally be happy. Until tonight Jack's ghost had whispered along the edges but she'd never let him taint her relationship with Albert. After resisting the phantom of her past for so long, she'd succumbed once more when her lover had carried her among the roses.
Jack wasn't real. Albert was. And tonight she betrayed him for a man who didn't exist. Samantha wanted to throw herself into his arms, to confess and beg forgiveness, but his tenderness would turn to revulsion if she told him the truth. The damaged and twisted woman who hid behind a mask of lies would terrify him. Perhaps she did love him, or at least to whatever extent she was capable of the emotion, and that was why she had to end it. Better to hurt Albert a little rather than stick around until her mask began to crack and he saw what lay underneath.
"Sam?" Albert asked worriedly and moved to sit beside her. His fingers brushed moisture from her eyes. "Why the tears? Have I hurt you?"
Shaking her head, she answered, "No. It's just-"
"What?"
"I'm afraid of losing you," she admitted. Samantha truly was frightened. She would have to let him go, it was the only decent thing she could do. But what would become of her after he was gone? Albert had been the only glimmer of hope she'd had since Jack had been proved to be more myth than man. With no Jack and no Albert, what could life possibly hold for her?
"I'm not going anywhere, Sam."
"I know," she agreed. He wasn't going anywhere but tomorrow she would be. However, she wasn't going to deprive him of their anniversary and she intended to take the last hours of comfort and feeling she had left to her. Wiping her eyes, she said, "I guess I just was feeling overly emotional. I'm sorry."
Caressing her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead, he assured her, "Beautiful women never need to apologize."
"I'm sure I look wonderful after crying."
"As a matter of fact, I find your tears quite-" Albert paused to consider then traced his tongue over one tear stained cheek and finished by saying, "Delicious."
Sam laughed and smiled. "Have I told you lately how weird I think you are?"
"No. But please feel free to do so whenever you please."
"You, Albert Newquay are a very strange and wonderful man. I only wish-" Samantha trailed off as she remembered her decision to end their relationship in the near future. She would miss Albert's playfulness, but he deserved better than to be a stand in for Jack. Tears threatened to spill once more and she tried to control her emotions in vain.
"Only wish what?"
"That this never would end."
"Why would it?"
"I don't know, I guess I- I-" Unwanted tears began to fall once more.
"Saman- Sam, darling, I told you I'm not going anywhere."
Nodding she agreed, "Yes. Think I'm just feeling emotional because it's our- our anniversary."
Taking her face in his hands, Albert wiped her tears away gently with his thumbs. "Still lovely."
Giggling slightly, she tried to push aside her the unwanted lump of emotion in her throat. She could stay with him and never let him know how she felt about Jack. But it wouldn't last forever. Eventually he would figure out something was wrong with her. Albert might not be the love of her life, but she cared a lot about him and couldn't bear the thought of him hating her one day. When Tom had figured out she had feelings for Jack and their marriage began to fall apart it had hurt and she'd hated herself for the pain she'd caused him. If the tender expression in Albert's dark eyes became one of hatred and contempt, Samantha didn't think she could survive it. One man she'd loved had come to hate her and had been destroyed because of her, she wouldn't allow Albert to suffer as Tom had. Leaving him in a few weeks would be the kindest thing for both of them. Forcing a slight smile she met Albert's concerned gaze.
"I'm okay."
"No," he corrected. "You're amazing."
"You're sweet. And I am probably a complete mess now," Sam replied as he offered her a handkerchief from his pocket. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. At the unladylike sound she made a face and declared, "See, not so pretty at the moment."
"Perfection. I told you, you're beautiful when you cry."
Laughing, she teased, "In that case, maybe I should cry more often."
Rising, Albert said, "By all means, but I should warn you. If you keep it up, I may be unable to resist your beauty."
"Have to have your wicked way with me, huh?"
"That or I'll just have to marry you. That way I can have my wicked way with you whenever I want," Albert informed her.
Marry her? Oh God! He was going to propose, Samantha realized in alarm.
******************************
Unaware of her distress, Albert stood and fastened his pants, his suspenders still hanging around his waist.
"I think it's time I gave you your present. Don't you?"
No! Samantha's mind screamed as she nodded. "Okay."
She watched as he walked to his closet door. As she tried desperately to think of a way to escape, Sam heard him opening and closing a drawer inside the massive walk in closet. Saying no would hurt her as much to say as it would hurt him to hear it. If he'd asked her a week ago she might have said yes. But after tonight brought her Jack fantasies to the front of her mind once more she couldn't say yes to him. Damn you, Jack! Samantha thought angrily. Why did he have to haunt her still? Why couldn't she love Albert properly? Saying yes sounded so natural in her mind, but she didn't dare accept. If she accepted, it would only hurt him more when she split up with him. Telling him no, was the kind thing to do, she decided dejectedly and waited for him to join her once more.
Albert came into the room holding a small black velvet box and looking almost shy as he moved towards her. Mentally Sam willed the box to hold earrings or a pendant, anything but an engagement ring. Her hopes were dashed as reached her and got on one knee. Looking down at his handkerchief that was still in her hands, she pretended to examine it as she tried to think of what she would tell him. Tracing the initials with her fingertip, inspiration struck to buy herself some time.
"A-J-N? What does the J stand for?" Sam inquired anxiously.
"Jackson."
"Huh. You know most men with the initials A-J are Andrew Jackson rather than Albert Jackson?"
"Southerners are big on tradition."
"So why did your mother-"
Interrupting, Albert replied, "She read a book about Jack the Ripper when she was pregnant with me. Prince Albert Victor was one of the possible suspects. She thought he looked romantic and couldn't possibly have been the killer. She started referring to me as her little prince and I ended up getting stuck with the name."
"So why the Jackson part then?"
"After my grandfather."
"Are you anything like him?"
"I have no idea," he sighed in frustration. Smiling indulgently he inquired,"Why so many questions all of a sudden?"
"Nerves I guess," she replied truthfully.
"There's nothing for you to be nervous about, Sam. If anything I'm the one who's supposed to be nervous. Now since you've asked me so many questions, I think it's only fair you let me ask you one, don't you?"
Knowing she couldn't delay him indefinitely, she nodded in agreement and sat the handkerchief aside.
"Sam, I've loved you since the moment I saw you. There are words for how much or how long I've adored you, but I would like to try and find them," Albert said and took her hand. Opening the box he asked, "Would you allow me to spend the rest of my life trying to find those words?"
"Albert, I-"
"Marry me. Tell me you'll be mine and I'll worship you as no other woman ever has before."
His face was full of hope and Sam's heart sank. It was even harder than she'd imagined. Gently she answered, "I wish I could say yes."
"You wish you could say yes," he echoed, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Albert, I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I'd like to say yes. I'd love to marry you."
"Then why?"
"Because as much as I love you, I'm in love with someone else."
"Tom," Albert spat angrily.
"No. Not Tom. It's someone from my past."
The velvet box slid from his hands and her grabbed her wrists tightly. Angrily he demanded, "Who? Who is he?"
His grip was painful, but she welcomed the distraction. "You don't want to know, Albert. Please just trust me this is for the best."
Moving up so they were nose to nose, he was shaking as he repeated his question, each word hard and deliberate like the stab of a knife. "Who the hell is he, Sam?"
Guilt and heartache filling her, she started to cry. "Please, darling. Just let this go. You don't really know him. I've already hurt you enough. This is so hard. Please just let me go home. Forget about this- about me."
"Is it Malone?"
There was no softness to his gaze as he looked at her. Barely contained fury radiated from him as Samantha answered, "No. It's not Bailey."
"The clown then?"
"Clown? What clown?" she asked in confusion.
"You know God damn well who I mean. John Grant."
"No." His grip had tightened to the point she could feel bruises forming underneath his fingers. Fear filled her and she pulled away from him and stood up. Albert had every right to be angry, but she never thought he'd react so intensely.
Albert got up and moved over towards her. He gave her an unholy smile as he drawled, "You will give me his name before the night is out, Sam."
"Please believe me, you're better off not knowing. I'll call a cab and go home. We can talk about this another time."
"We'll talk about this now," Albert informed her and grabbed her from behind as she turned away.
One arm wrench behind her in his grasp, she pulled at his other arm which was across her throat. Although she could breath, she was unable to move.
Biting the side of her neck he murmured in her ear, "Why so anxious to leave? You were eager enough for my company earlier. Tell me were you thinking about him? Did you have to stop yourself from crying out his name when you came?"
Instinctively, Sam knew she should lie but found the truth spilling from her lips. "Yes. I was thinking of him."
To her surprise he released her suddenly and she stumbled to the floor. Looking up at him, she watched as he grabbed the bottle of Champagne and took several swallows. Albert turned away and threw the bottle against the wall. The violence of the explosion as the bottle hit the wall startled her. Samantha flinched but remained on the ground. Although she knew his fury could be turned on her and he could hurt her or even kill her, she didn't move. Perhaps if he hurt her, she could hate him and it wouldn't hurt so much. Even now she wanted to beg his forgiveness and tell him she would make it up to him for the rest of her life. If she couldn't love Albert, she was no longer capable of the emotion. Jack's ghost had killed her a long time ago and she was only just starting to realize it.
Sinking to the floor, Albert asked lightly, "Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me?"
Swallowing uneasily, she replied, "I think so."
"Do you now?"
Touching his arm, Sam assured him, "It's not you. It's me. I'm just screwed up. I'm too messed up inside to love you the way you deserve."
"The way I deserve," Albert echoed and met her gaze. "For two years, you've shared my bed and my life. I've given indulged your every whim and given you everything you could possibly ask for. I even paid for the dress you're wearing."
"I'm so sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am," he replied and shook her hand off his arm.
"Albert, I know you've done a lot for me."
"You have no idea of what I've done for you. Do you honestly think I give a damn about the money? This," he told her taking the neckline of her gown and ripping it. "This is meaningless. Money is meaningless-"
"Next to having the person you love," Sam interjected and tried to cover the flesh he'd exposed.
"No! You have no God damn idea why I'm so angry, do you?"
Reaching out with one hand to touch his face, she said, "Albert, I-"
Samantha was cut off as he grabbed her hand. His movement was so fast, she barely had time to register it as he forced her onto her back and held her wrist down. Instinctively she let go of her dress and pushed against his chest only to have her other hand imprisoned over her head as well.
"Everything! Everything has been for you! You think this is about being rejected after two years of polite dating?"
"Because I'm in love with someone else."
His face inches from hers, Albert growled, "That's merely the icing on the fucking cake. I should be used to it. You've pushed me aside and denied me for years while you gave your body to lesser men."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Caught up in his rage he ignored her question and continued his tirade. "I changed everything for you. I gave up everything that I was to become what you wanted. I moved into a house I hate, flashed my money and courted you in the most mundane and above board way."
"Albert, please. Let me go."
"Let you go? I don't think so. If I'm not good enough now, then I never will be. There's always going to be someone else isn't there."
"I don't want to love him," Sam said miserably.
Looking at her with disbelief, he shot back, "Don't you? Isn't this what you live for? To torment me, to make me run through hoops like all your other lap dogs and still reject me. How many times have you thought of him when you were with me?"
"Just tonight. I- I'm sorry."
"So this is how it ends? You let me screw you one last time while you thought of your heart's desire and refuse not only to marry me but to so much as tell me his name."
"Believe me you don't want to know."
"Oh but I do, my dear. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've killed someone?"
Had he lost his mind? She knew he was upset, but he wasn't making sense. A part of her felt terrified and wanted to break free of Albert's punishing grasp. But another part was enjoying the rush of adrenaline that coursed through her. What was wrong with her? Samantha wondered. It had to be some twisted remnant from her obsession with Jack she decided. Disturbed by the idea and alarmed by Albert's behavior, she began to struggle.
"Let go of me!"
"Never! I will never let you go. You're mine! You thought about another man while you were with me and think I'll simply let you go?"
"This isn't who you are, Albert."
"Albert, huh? I think it's about time we had a formal introduction, Samantha," he told her. "Call me, Jack."
It wasn't possible, her mind screamed. "You sick bastard! That's not funny!"
"No, it's not. For two years I've been your faithful lap dog. I've wait on you and desperately tried to earn your praise and had to listen to a name other than my own when we were in bed. I've given up everything I know and am to try and make you happy and yet you still reject me. I may not be able to make you love me, " Jack told her. Shifting so he held her wrists with only one hand. His other hand moved between them and panic filled Samantha as she heard the sound of his zipper. "But by God, I will have you one last time and you will know exactly who's fucking you."
"Albert, please!"
"No, Samantha. Not Albert, Jack. Albert was a pretty fiction I created for you. You don't love me? Fine. Give me your hate. But you will give yourself to me.
Sam began to struggle in earnest. "You're Albert Newquay! Bailey did a background check on you!"
"Ah yes, that. Not a hard thing for a rich man to pass. And the full name is Albert Jackson Newquay, my Samantha," Jack informed her, emphasizing his middle name.
"It's not possible! There is no Jack. Jack was nothing but an illusion created by Donald Lucas!"
"You may have looked through me in Otis, but I assure you I'm very real, Samantha."
"I told you that you resembled the sheriff there," she protested fearfully as his hand moved under her skirt and she felt her panties tear.
"I used to write your name as Sam, I called you Samantha, and somehow in two years, you've never asked about the scar on my outer right thigh from when you shot me."
Jack! He really was Jack! No one outside of herself or the VCTF would have known those things. Overwhelmed, she tried to take it all in. Caught up in her thoughts, she'd forgotten his intentions until she felt his cock pressed against her thigh. Horrified, she struggled harder and pleaded, "Jack, no! No!"
"No? Oh that's right? You're no doubt saving yourself for some unworthy fellow. Who exactly is he? Who were you thinking of earlier when you were so desperate to have me inside you?"
Wrenching her hands free she pushed against his chest and screamed, "You don't understand!"
"Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now? How much I hate you for reducing me to this?"
"Please, Jack!"
Anger washing over his face, Jack pressed against her. "That's it Samantha. Beg. You've begged me often enough as Albert. Always begging for another orgasm, to be filled up once more so you won't have to face how empty you are inside. Come on you traitorous little bitch, beg me."
"Not like this! Jack! Please stop!"
He kissed her hard silencing her protests. Samantha beat against his chest and gasped for air underneath him. As he savaged her mouth, she tried to close her thighs as his knees forced them apart and his cock touched her sex. She tried biting his tongue but it only provoked him further. Jack bit her lower lip and she tasted blood in the unwanted kiss. Vainly she tried to push him off with her legs but her feet slid on the rose petals. Despite her FBI training and the endorphins that were screaming in her body she was no match for him.
Rage fueled adrenaline poured off him in waves and her mind worked desperately to find words to stop him. She had to make him understand. If he forced her she would hate him. Wouldn't she? Yes! No- Oh God she didn't know. She only knew she had to get him to stop before it was too late. Albert was Jack. Jack was Albert. It was so much to try and take in. Although she'd desired both men, she needed time to reconcile them together as one man. She cared about him and wanted him, only not like this! If Jack took by force what she would have willingly given, they would both regret it.
"Jack, no! Listen to me! You don't want to do this! It doesn't have to be like this! I love you!"
"You love me," he laughed in harsh tone and loosened his grip on her slightly. "You refuse my proposal and expect me to believe you!"
Struggling to sit up, she insisted, "I know I hurt you. But it's true, Jack. I love you. And I want you, just not like this, please."
His grip tightened and he slammed her back against the floor once more as he spat furiously, "You tell me you were imagining of another man when you were screwing me. Then think I'll believe you when you say you love me?!"
"Jack! No! You don't understand!"
"Oh but I do, my precious little whore," he countered deceptively sweet tone. "I understand you've been using me while you were thinking of someone else."
"It's not like that! The other man-"
"You're mine! Do you understand me? Mine!" Jack rasped possessively.
"Jaaaaaa-"
Samantha gasped in shock as he slid inside her. Still wet from their earlier encounter, her sex offered him little resistance. Each thrust was bone jarringly violent as he pushed himself into her and took out a decade of frustration and anger on her. Twisting and pushing she tried to escape the painful onslaught. Her struggles seemed to barely faze him as he pounded his body relentlessly against hers. Jack trembled with rage as he held her down and ground his body into hers. The movement crushed the petals underneath them, causing the scent to fill the air with even greater intensity. The evening had gone from something romantic to something dark and ugly.
Wincing underneath him, Samantha bit her lower lip and tried to resist the urge to cry. She hated him for doing this to her and wanted him to stop. But even as he was hurting her, a part of her still cared about him which made it even worse. For so long she'd fantasized about him and wanted him, now he was twisting her desire and making it into something ugly. This wasn't what she wanted or who he was. Facing life without Jack had been hard, but she couldn't imagine how she would face it after what he was doing to her. Miserable, tears filled her eyes and she wished she could simply disappear. Vanish into the rose petals beneath them.
Gazing up at him, she saw the look on his face waver slightly. A flicker of uncertainty tinged the rage and grim determination of his expression. Eventually he would realize what he'd done and would hate himself, Samantha thought as she looked at him. His eyes met hers and his punishing rhythm faltered. Jack's movements slowed and he looked at her in confusion as if he were only just finally seeing her and realizing what he was doing. Suddenly he stopped moving altogether.
"Oh God," Jack whispered in revulsion and withdrew from her.
For a moment they stared at one another, then Jack's eyes went wide with horror and he clamped his hand over his mouth. Drawing back, he continued to look at her until he suddenly turned to the side and threw up.
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