(no subject)

[sketchhhh]

I guess I'm just getting pretty goddamn sick of being in limbo with practically everything and everyone. I'm tired of the monotony of this same exact situation that I've had to repeatedly come to terms with since tenth grade.
I feel like even though I'm better about all of it, it still takes a toll on my self-esteem.
And I can't help it. I can't ignore it.
I can't act like I don't know what's going on but I have to.

Pro-social behavior.
True altruism.
No such thing.
I mean, I thought there was for a while.
I liked helping people and giving people what they wanted and needed no matter what because I like being dependable and generous. I get that from my Dad. But now I'm tired of it. It's not the finances. It's nothing material. I thought I liked being there for people without any sort of counter-participation but it seems so one sided. It's the emotional lack of reciprocity that makes my extremely hectic life so much harder.

And there is the blatantly obvious change of behavior.
It's like the tides. Only it's not anything relating to the moon. Simply, crippling relationships that never seem to fade out.

I just want balance.