(no subject)
i'm continuously trying to improve.
kind of like internet browsers, it is necessary to upgrade constantly, with only minuscule tweaks and differences that are hardly noticeable until you get the final picture. the final picture never comes.
but when it does, my eyes will be closed and i will be dead and people will be looking at me thinking about how i was to them.
that's a bit disgusting, this shift of life that i am more comforted by as i grow up. i've lost this fear of leaving the body as i tempt my fate with sour moods. how nice it would be to go down that highway without the lights on. to not know where i am going, to recklessly drive into that place of "whereverness" that isn't here.
i don't really care about dying, but i do care about that drive.
i want to drive to that place where nobody can stop me and nobody can find me.
they will only see my body lain upon wherever it last stood. they will try to shake me awake.
but i just think about how i will be laughing as the driver of the vehicle speeds down that....that...
(sweetness of not even being able to describe it because you won't know where you are or what is happening.)
but i know that whatever spirit whose inside of everyone, that "soul" is going to swirl and move and dart around with the force of the elements.
it will ricochet and bounce. i don't really have an adjective for the speed in which it will do so, but definitely i feel it will be quick.
feels kind of like the spins when you have had too much to drink,the room is spinning out of control and you don't know whether the things inside of you will be going or staying.
at that moment you don't feel like laughing because you are still conscious, but death will not be conscious.
it will just be driving:
the driving of the soul to the next level.
levelling up or down, either way it is transiting to some other plane.
i think about life in these kinds of segments.
the levelling up, the driving, the endless movement.
i am not interested in dying, just the drive towards something new.
kind of like internet browsers, it is necessary to upgrade constantly, with only minuscule tweaks and differences that are hardly noticeable until you get the final picture. the final picture never comes.
but when it does, my eyes will be closed and i will be dead and people will be looking at me thinking about how i was to them.
that's a bit disgusting, this shift of life that i am more comforted by as i grow up. i've lost this fear of leaving the body as i tempt my fate with sour moods. how nice it would be to go down that highway without the lights on. to not know where i am going, to recklessly drive into that place of "whereverness" that isn't here.
i don't really care about dying, but i do care about that drive.
i want to drive to that place where nobody can stop me and nobody can find me.
they will only see my body lain upon wherever it last stood. they will try to shake me awake.
but i just think about how i will be laughing as the driver of the vehicle speeds down that....that...
(sweetness of not even being able to describe it because you won't know where you are or what is happening.)
but i know that whatever spirit whose inside of everyone, that "soul" is going to swirl and move and dart around with the force of the elements.
it will ricochet and bounce. i don't really have an adjective for the speed in which it will do so, but definitely i feel it will be quick.
feels kind of like the spins when you have had too much to drink,the room is spinning out of control and you don't know whether the things inside of you will be going or staying.
at that moment you don't feel like laughing because you are still conscious, but death will not be conscious.
it will just be driving:
the driving of the soul to the next level.
levelling up or down, either way it is transiting to some other plane.
i think about life in these kinds of segments.
the levelling up, the driving, the endless movement.
i am not interested in dying, just the drive towards something new.