Directionless Blathering and Enzyme Fail
The previous week has been interminably slow and dull; my chief forms of entertainment for the past few days has consisted of watching my computer do primality tests for M23837323 and M23837659 for the Mersenne Primes Search (GIMPS), watching season 3 of The Guild and... playing Hitman: Blood Money. After four years. Seriously. It's embarrassing: I was such a big fan of the previous three games (and I wrote that exhaustive guide to the first game, that covered all the weapons and equipment, characters *and* different execution methods - easy and cheapskate - which should say something about my commitment)... and then I bought the fourth and let dust gather on it for FOUR YEARS before I finally installed it. I don't know why I never got around to it for so long (maybe Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and my then-newfound interest in art had something to do with it), but god, it's rekindling the joy of planning and pulling off the perfect Silent Assassin execution. Not to mention the frustration of occasionally botching it up because you accidentally bashed someone in the mouth instead of sedating them...
Enzyme Fever
In other news... my mother is caught up in the latest fad sweeping through town: ... making enzymes? Confused, I went poking around the internet for an explanation of what the hell they're actually doing, and found about a gajillion eyebrow-raising recipes with titles like "Making fruit enzymes" and "Making garbage enzymes" and "Fruit enzyme drink". WTF?
Enzymes are protein catalysts - little molecules that speed up biochemical reactions - made by living organisms, and the genetic "recipe" for these enzymes are carried in an organism's DNA. In the enzyme industry, enzymes are produced by cultivating known and specific microorganisms (that are probably also genetically engineered) that produce them by means of fermentation, in regulated (and sterilised) media and under regulated conditions, and then filtered and purified before being formulated into products. Of course, the keywords here are sterilisation and quality control - because you don't want any gatecrashers in the soup, do you?
Compare this to the recipe prescribed on these fruit enzyme pages. In a nutshell: You clean and air dry both the jar and the fruit. (The selection, quality and quantity of fruit varies depending on the recipe and individual). You then alternate layers of fruit and brown sugar in the jar, leaving breathing room between the top layer and the cover of the jar. And then you bung the jar in a cool dry place. Depending on the recipe, you will then open the jar and stir the contents at regular intervals, or shake the jar daily, or occasionally open it to release gases;1 the jar is left to ferment for about a month, after which you can take some out and dilute it with water and... drink it.2
(At this point the boffin in me is screaming, What kind of fucking protocol is this!!!).
Dodgy methodology aside, what is this? Why, owners of illegal stills will happily tell you: fermentation.3 Very simply, what you're doing is causing the conversion of the fruit and sugar in the jar to alcohol and acid (and gases!) in an oxygenless (anaerobic) growth environment. With the help of miscellaneous microorganisms already trapped in the jar/fruit. You're not producing enzymes - there isn't any kind of extraction or purification process to separate the enzymes from the microbial cells, the fruit and whatever else there may be in the jar -; you're producing moonshine. Sure, there are/were probably enzymes in there, but with no control or standardisation of the growth controls, what are the odds that they're even still functional... and if they're going to wind up in that great Pit of Hydrochloric Acid that is your stomach (at which point the kids I tutor would chime, "Different enzymes work at different pH!"), how are these enzymes even to get into your system, much less do anything in it? (I won't even bother going into the uselessness of trying to introduce more enzymes into your body, given that it already manufactures enough for your body's usage4 - and of the right types, too, in the right places - since it's obvious that these introduced enzymes will never get distributed anyway).
Seriously, if you want to make your own stash of alcohol of dubious preparation and hygiene standards in the privacy of your own home, be my guest - but where the hell do these people get off calling it enzymes? My guess is that it's way more classy (and far less embarrassing) to claim, "I'm producing wholesome fruit enzyme for domestic and personal use!" than, "I'm making/imbibing large quantities of probably illegal booze in the kitchen!" [giggle]
Oh, and "garbage enzyme" 5 is essentially liquid compost. ;)
_______________________
NOTES
1. If you're using a non-expandable container, failure to do this could result in (1) an explosion, (2) a hideous stench permeating the house, and/or (3) forced entry into Alcoholics Anonymous, whichever is more unpleasant. ;)
2. Ewwwwww.
3. Although they'd probably be horrified at these hideously lax standards.
4. Unless you suffer from an enzyme deficiency disease - but those are specific conditions (like glucose-6-phosphatase dehydrogenase -G6PD- deficiency, which my friend's sister actually has), and do not result in deficiency of *all* types of enzymes anyway, and no amount of "fruit enzyme" you drink could fix that.
5. And sure, you can use it to clean your house - alcohol and acid probably does wonders for surfaces. I don't buy the bit about using it for "removing odours", though!
On the Art Front
I also did manage to finish my painting of Volly and the cow in spite of the fact that all my betas were on vacation >.<. Proof that I'm ridiculously unsystematic when it comes to painting (I changed stuff so many times it's not funny):
Enzyme Fever
In other news... my mother is caught up in the latest fad sweeping through town: ... making enzymes? Confused, I went poking around the internet for an explanation of what the hell they're actually doing, and found about a gajillion eyebrow-raising recipes with titles like "Making fruit enzymes" and "Making garbage enzymes" and "Fruit enzyme drink". WTF?
Enzymes are protein catalysts - little molecules that speed up biochemical reactions - made by living organisms, and the genetic "recipe" for these enzymes are carried in an organism's DNA. In the enzyme industry, enzymes are produced by cultivating known and specific microorganisms (that are probably also genetically engineered) that produce them by means of fermentation, in regulated (and sterilised) media and under regulated conditions, and then filtered and purified before being formulated into products. Of course, the keywords here are sterilisation and quality control - because you don't want any gatecrashers in the soup, do you?
Compare this to the recipe prescribed on these fruit enzyme pages. In a nutshell: You clean and air dry both the jar and the fruit. (The selection, quality and quantity of fruit varies depending on the recipe and individual). You then alternate layers of fruit and brown sugar in the jar, leaving breathing room between the top layer and the cover of the jar. And then you bung the jar in a cool dry place. Depending on the recipe, you will then open the jar and stir the contents at regular intervals, or shake the jar daily, or occasionally open it to release gases;1 the jar is left to ferment for about a month, after which you can take some out and dilute it with water and... drink it.2
(At this point the boffin in me is screaming, What kind of fucking protocol is this!!!).
Dodgy methodology aside, what is this? Why, owners of illegal stills will happily tell you: fermentation.3 Very simply, what you're doing is causing the conversion of the fruit and sugar in the jar to alcohol and acid (and gases!) in an oxygenless (anaerobic) growth environment. With the help of miscellaneous microorganisms already trapped in the jar/fruit. You're not producing enzymes - there isn't any kind of extraction or purification process to separate the enzymes from the microbial cells, the fruit and whatever else there may be in the jar -; you're producing moonshine. Sure, there are/were probably enzymes in there, but with no control or standardisation of the growth controls, what are the odds that they're even still functional... and if they're going to wind up in that great Pit of Hydrochloric Acid that is your stomach (at which point the kids I tutor would chime, "Different enzymes work at different pH!"), how are these enzymes even to get into your system, much less do anything in it? (I won't even bother going into the uselessness of trying to introduce more enzymes into your body, given that it already manufactures enough for your body's usage4 - and of the right types, too, in the right places - since it's obvious that these introduced enzymes will never get distributed anyway).
Seriously, if you want to make your own stash of alcohol of dubious preparation and hygiene standards in the privacy of your own home, be my guest - but where the hell do these people get off calling it enzymes? My guess is that it's way more classy (and far less embarrassing) to claim, "I'm producing wholesome fruit enzyme for domestic and personal use!" than, "I'm making/imbibing large quantities of probably illegal booze in the kitchen!" [giggle]
Oh, and "garbage enzyme" 5 is essentially liquid compost. ;)
_______________________
NOTES
1. If you're using a non-expandable container, failure to do this could result in (1) an explosion, (2) a hideous stench permeating the house, and/or (3) forced entry into Alcoholics Anonymous, whichever is more unpleasant. ;)
2. Ewwwwww.
3. Although they'd probably be horrified at these hideously lax standards.
4. Unless you suffer from an enzyme deficiency disease - but those are specific conditions (like glucose-6-phosphatase dehydrogenase -G6PD- deficiency, which my friend's sister actually has), and do not result in deficiency of *all* types of enzymes anyway, and no amount of "fruit enzyme" you drink could fix that.
5. And sure, you can use it to clean your house - alcohol and acid probably does wonders for surfaces. I don't buy the bit about using it for "removing odours", though!
On the Art Front
I also did manage to finish my painting of Volly and the cow in spite of the fact that all my betas were on vacation >.<. Proof that I'm ridiculously unsystematic when it comes to painting (I changed stuff so many times it's not funny):