fuck all of this
i hate this so much. i hate being here. i hate trying and trying and trying and having it never be good enough. im tired of constantly giving more and more and compromising more and more and having it never be enough. how am i supposed to live with someone who wont compromise??????????
i try to do what she asks and wants, but she still gets upset because im not perfect. im sorry, but i cant be perfect, but i try, and what do i get for that???????? i get yelled at, i get bossed around, i get accused of lying and im so tired of it. its like jessica cant accept one day, one second of not being perfect.
i dont leave my shit in the living room anbymore because it bugged her. i keep my recycling in a bag in my room, not in the recycling container because she complained about always having to take it out. I don't borrow her silverwear or dishes anymore because she asked me not too. I wash my dishes immediately after i use them, because she doesnt like the mess. i take out the garbage when its full, i buy toilet paper, i do everything a good suitemate should do and she YELLS at Ainhoa and I because we havent taken the recycling out from our party on friday. I'm so goddamn sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is it really that big of a deal????? I helped put it in a plastic bag, so its not like its laying around our apartment, its in a bag out on the back porch. she tells ainhoa and I to take it out today, and we say OK then she comes into our room and starts bitching about it, and im like, "well give us a chance!" and then shes like "well i dont want it blowing around!" which is logical, but SHES the one who put the bag of recycling outside, SHES the one who puts the bag or garbage out there instead of taking it out to the big bin, SHES the one who left a bag out there last quarter so long that it broke open and blew everywhere and IM the one who had to go and pick up the trash all over the yard with my bare hands and throw it away, and she has the FUCKING GALL to tell me that i dont do enough around the house???????????????? i try my fucking best and im sorry if im not fucking OCD like she is. i understand how much it bugs her and thats why i compromise so much, and its like, she wont give a FUCKING INCH. i dont know what the fuck she expects of me. im just a person who sometimes needs ONE DAY before i do my dishes or ONE DAY to take out the garbage and i guess i dont see that as anything wrong. i feel bad but i dont think i should feel bad which makes me feel worse.
it just comes down to this huge problem that ive been having in my life lately. I feel like I try so hard to do this or that, to make everyone happy all the time, to be a good roommate, a good student, a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good suitemate and its NEVER ENOUGH. all i get for trying is to feel bad about myself
i just can NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH no matter how hard i try, and its killing me
i dont know what to do
i try to do what she asks and wants, but she still gets upset because im not perfect. im sorry, but i cant be perfect, but i try, and what do i get for that???????? i get yelled at, i get bossed around, i get accused of lying and im so tired of it. its like jessica cant accept one day, one second of not being perfect.
i dont leave my shit in the living room anbymore because it bugged her. i keep my recycling in a bag in my room, not in the recycling container because she complained about always having to take it out. I don't borrow her silverwear or dishes anymore because she asked me not too. I wash my dishes immediately after i use them, because she doesnt like the mess. i take out the garbage when its full, i buy toilet paper, i do everything a good suitemate should do and she YELLS at Ainhoa and I because we havent taken the recycling out from our party on friday. I'm so goddamn sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is it really that big of a deal????? I helped put it in a plastic bag, so its not like its laying around our apartment, its in a bag out on the back porch. she tells ainhoa and I to take it out today, and we say OK then she comes into our room and starts bitching about it, and im like, "well give us a chance!" and then shes like "well i dont want it blowing around!" which is logical, but SHES the one who put the bag of recycling outside, SHES the one who puts the bag or garbage out there instead of taking it out to the big bin, SHES the one who left a bag out there last quarter so long that it broke open and blew everywhere and IM the one who had to go and pick up the trash all over the yard with my bare hands and throw it away, and she has the FUCKING GALL to tell me that i dont do enough around the house???????????????? i try my fucking best and im sorry if im not fucking OCD like she is. i understand how much it bugs her and thats why i compromise so much, and its like, she wont give a FUCKING INCH. i dont know what the fuck she expects of me. im just a person who sometimes needs ONE DAY before i do my dishes or ONE DAY to take out the garbage and i guess i dont see that as anything wrong. i feel bad but i dont think i should feel bad which makes me feel worse.
it just comes down to this huge problem that ive been having in my life lately. I feel like I try so hard to do this or that, to make everyone happy all the time, to be a good roommate, a good student, a good girlfriend, a good daughter, a good suitemate and its NEVER ENOUGH. all i get for trying is to feel bad about myself
i just can NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH no matter how hard i try, and its killing me
i dont know what to do