Trying to be completely honest for once
I just had a brief, stoned daydream wherein I found myself with a stub for one leg (originating from a hypochondriac concern about an aching lower leg.) In my daydream life, I was able to get an awesome prosthetic that allowed me to bicycle. If you have one leg, biking must be the easiest way of getting around.
I've been spending large amounts of my days the past week daydreaming about a hypothetical future in which I have a different body. I envision a skinny version of myself, exuding cool confidence, getting compliments from cute girls to whom I deliver pizza. This happens every time I go on a diet. I actively seek this kind of wishful thinking daily, as if for some sort of strength. I am a weak person in most regards, but I am especially weak in the face of food. I miss it so badly. Almost like a lover.
I've also been missing lovers I've never had.
That one's harder to explain.
New Life, Phase One started last Monday with the start of school. I'm taking six classes - Science Fiction Literature, The Short Story, Linguistic Anthropology, Mass Communication, Art in Modern Life, and Indian (as in India) Art. I love my classes, and feel a rejuvenation in spirit, in that I'm actually enjoying the gaining of knowledge in a school environment, and humbly appreciating the exercise of my poorly abused brain.
During each class I daydream about acing the midterms, excelling in the dreaded group projects, and taking superb notes throughout. When I bike home, I daydream about women I'll some day kiss, and through daydream attempt to realize the absurd notion that some day, someone might possibly fall in love with me. This feels like a foreign impossibility, like a reconstructed history, like Hitler never died.
I daydream about going up to a pretty stranger on the street and telling her I think she's beautiful. I wish I had the courage to actually say something meaningful and truthful. In the daydream, she looks down and says thank you, almost like a reflex. In reality, I don't know.
I've been spending large amounts of my days the past week daydreaming about a hypothetical future in which I have a different body. I envision a skinny version of myself, exuding cool confidence, getting compliments from cute girls to whom I deliver pizza. This happens every time I go on a diet. I actively seek this kind of wishful thinking daily, as if for some sort of strength. I am a weak person in most regards, but I am especially weak in the face of food. I miss it so badly. Almost like a lover.
I've also been missing lovers I've never had.
That one's harder to explain.
New Life, Phase One started last Monday with the start of school. I'm taking six classes - Science Fiction Literature, The Short Story, Linguistic Anthropology, Mass Communication, Art in Modern Life, and Indian (as in India) Art. I love my classes, and feel a rejuvenation in spirit, in that I'm actually enjoying the gaining of knowledge in a school environment, and humbly appreciating the exercise of my poorly abused brain.
During each class I daydream about acing the midterms, excelling in the dreaded group projects, and taking superb notes throughout. When I bike home, I daydream about women I'll some day kiss, and through daydream attempt to realize the absurd notion that some day, someone might possibly fall in love with me. This feels like a foreign impossibility, like a reconstructed history, like Hitler never died.
I daydream about going up to a pretty stranger on the street and telling her I think she's beautiful. I wish I had the courage to actually say something meaningful and truthful. In the daydream, she looks down and says thank you, almost like a reflex. In reality, I don't know.