I got a trap house, got a trap car
So I wake up this morning and as usual I feel like... ohhh Goooddddd another fucking day and Im not dead yet.
Lacey pooed on the new carpet again because she just got fixed and the medicine is upsetting her stomach. my poor doggy. but my mom... oh my mom. OMFG ALL OVER AGAIN YOU ARE YOUR FUCKING DOG RUIN MY LIFE BLAH BLAH BLAH and such. the normal. so I get right up to clean it up and of course I am not doing that correctly either. she keeps telling me she is "this close" to the end, which is her pretty much telling me shes going to kill herself and its going to be my fault.
we all get sad sometimes. a lot of us a lot of the time.
WHY DO YOU THINK I TAKE SO MUCH XANAX. honeslty this xanax bullshit is well.. bullshit. ya we arent suppose to be taking it and buying it and selling it blah blah blah I get it. but until xanax came into my life... I honeslty didnt think I was going to make it. as long as I[we] arent taking like 5 bars a day, I'm thinking were going to be okay.
my life just basically sucks right now. sucks but is amazing at the same time.
I have a good job waitressing, yet I hate the drama there.
I have money like its nothing, yet I am being irresponsible with it, yet again.
I have soo many friends, yet I cant trust more than like 2 of them.
I have a job promoting. I basically get to drink/party/meet celebs/dance and shit and get paid for it. yet I HATE the owner of the club. he makes it so hard for me to promote becauses hes such a douche and has that fucking racsist ass dress code. competeing with hamilton st pub is a bitch. and its brandons fault we didnt get paid wednesday.. he was to busy getting wasted. hes the one whos been doing this for 5 years now! hes suppose to be showing me the ropes.. not haning them to me. ohhh and brandon...
why the FUUUCCKK so I like him so much? I have never liked someone like I liked him. I thought I couldnt live without Anthony and then theres David of course. but neither of them compare to what he makes me act like. When David or Anthony call me or come around Im like ehhh.. not so important. Is it because he plays so hard to get? and if I ever do get him am I going to do what I always do and be over it just as quickly as I was on it? I mean I had a crush on him like 2 years ago when I was dating his brother [ohhhh Jason hates me now btw lol. blocked me from myspace and everything.] anyways.. Brandon was suppose to come over last night and what not and he bailed.. of course. So I am at the point where Im like fuck it. time for the walls to come up. putting the guard on. I am not going to let myself get hurt. its strickly buisness between him and I now. no matter how drunk I get, no more hugging, kissing, or sleeping in the same bed. HES NOT EVEN CUTE. not my type at all. not even close. I guess I cant blame everything on him though.. hes 26 and has been married before. that girl tore his heart out of his chest. when I ask all his friends they just tell me he has emotional issuse about woman since then. so maybe his wall is already up.. but like I said before. I cant risk it. its just buisness now..
yet idk about that anymore either. yesterday I told him to stop making plans with me and then canceling them later. and to just text me when he knows what he wants me to do for this wednesday. well there isnt a event up for wednesday yet... so its one of three things.. hes quitting, hes dropping me, or he is yet again being irresondsible. I dont care anymore.. this promoting this is to much hassel than its worth.
Lauren is moving in with me finally. at first I thought it was a bad idea that her and I are pretty much bffs, work together, and live together; but we never really argue about anything. and I need her around to get on the same level. I love my lauren and I am sick of a select few people getting mad about it. and I need her here to distract me from my mom.
I also need Lacey to get a good home soon. she needs a better mommy than me. she deserves better than me.
ehhh thats all I have for now. time to go pop some xanax and get ready to wait tables.
[edit]: I spell checked it and well.. fuck it. I cant spell. oh well
Lacey pooed on the new carpet again because she just got fixed and the medicine is upsetting her stomach. my poor doggy. but my mom... oh my mom. OMFG ALL OVER AGAIN YOU ARE YOUR FUCKING DOG RUIN MY LIFE BLAH BLAH BLAH and such. the normal. so I get right up to clean it up and of course I am not doing that correctly either. she keeps telling me she is "this close" to the end, which is her pretty much telling me shes going to kill herself and its going to be my fault.
we all get sad sometimes. a lot of us a lot of the time.
WHY DO YOU THINK I TAKE SO MUCH XANAX. honeslty this xanax bullshit is well.. bullshit. ya we arent suppose to be taking it and buying it and selling it blah blah blah I get it. but until xanax came into my life... I honeslty didnt think I was going to make it. as long as I[we] arent taking like 5 bars a day, I'm thinking were going to be okay.
my life just basically sucks right now. sucks but is amazing at the same time.
I have a good job waitressing, yet I hate the drama there.
I have money like its nothing, yet I am being irresponsible with it, yet again.
I have soo many friends, yet I cant trust more than like 2 of them.
I have a job promoting. I basically get to drink/party/meet celebs/dance and shit and get paid for it. yet I HATE the owner of the club. he makes it so hard for me to promote becauses hes such a douche and has that fucking racsist ass dress code. competeing with hamilton st pub is a bitch. and its brandons fault we didnt get paid wednesday.. he was to busy getting wasted. hes the one whos been doing this for 5 years now! hes suppose to be showing me the ropes.. not haning them to me. ohhh and brandon...
why the FUUUCCKK so I like him so much? I have never liked someone like I liked him. I thought I couldnt live without Anthony and then theres David of course. but neither of them compare to what he makes me act like. When David or Anthony call me or come around Im like ehhh.. not so important. Is it because he plays so hard to get? and if I ever do get him am I going to do what I always do and be over it just as quickly as I was on it? I mean I had a crush on him like 2 years ago when I was dating his brother [ohhhh Jason hates me now btw lol. blocked me from myspace and everything.] anyways.. Brandon was suppose to come over last night and what not and he bailed.. of course. So I am at the point where Im like fuck it. time for the walls to come up. putting the guard on. I am not going to let myself get hurt. its strickly buisness between him and I now. no matter how drunk I get, no more hugging, kissing, or sleeping in the same bed. HES NOT EVEN CUTE. not my type at all. not even close. I guess I cant blame everything on him though.. hes 26 and has been married before. that girl tore his heart out of his chest. when I ask all his friends they just tell me he has emotional issuse about woman since then. so maybe his wall is already up.. but like I said before. I cant risk it. its just buisness now..
yet idk about that anymore either. yesterday I told him to stop making plans with me and then canceling them later. and to just text me when he knows what he wants me to do for this wednesday. well there isnt a event up for wednesday yet... so its one of three things.. hes quitting, hes dropping me, or he is yet again being irresondsible. I dont care anymore.. this promoting this is to much hassel than its worth.
Lauren is moving in with me finally. at first I thought it was a bad idea that her and I are pretty much bffs, work together, and live together; but we never really argue about anything. and I need her around to get on the same level. I love my lauren and I am sick of a select few people getting mad about it. and I need her here to distract me from my mom.
I also need Lacey to get a good home soon. she needs a better mommy than me. she deserves better than me.
ehhh thats all I have for now. time to go pop some xanax and get ready to wait tables.
[edit]: I spell checked it and well.. fuck it. I cant spell. oh well