we're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
i am: present and accounted for
listening: the dryer spinning
drinking: british blend tea
i dream. a lot. i dream vividly - sub-conscious images that often seem surreal in the recounting. i'm not a hard-core proponent of dream analysis, but on a few occasions i've sought out symbolism in a dream encyclopedia that i bought on a whim decades ago, and have found the dissection of particular dreams to be eerily relevant to what's going on in my life at the time. ditto horoscopes. i think they're amusing, but sometimes they're uncannily reflective of what's happening with me at the time.
so, i found my horoscope yesterday especially intriguing:
Sagittarius: Upon waking, try to recall a dream. You are receiving precognitive dreams filled with information intended for your highest good.
wow, go stars.
as it happens, besides dreaming vividly, i also at times am able to semi-direct my dreams if they start going in a direction i'm not pleased with; or, sometimes if i'm having a particularly good dream i slightly surface from the dream and tell myself remember this thing, almost like a keyword. for example, telling myself to "remember mustard" once brought back an entire dream very reminiscent of the movie "field of dreams," the irony of which has escaped me until this moment.
last night i didn't go to bed with the conscious thought that i was going to try to remember a dream; i went to bed as i usually do, physically exhausted, mentally still a little wound up, which i take care of by reading until i can barely keep my eyes open. at some point during the night i became aware that i was dreaming, surfaced slightly and told myself to remember this. unfortunately the only thing i remembered when i woke up was exactly what i told myself to remember. no rambling hopi dance, no field of dreams, no badger with a target on its side, no sucking knee-deep mud, no pumpkin patch in the forest, no two-headed elephants, no screaming dream house, no bus trip or airport dream where i was returning to the UK. nope. all i got out of my dream last night - my "precognitive dream" that would serve my "highest good," was a scrabble game.
in my dream, i played a bingo - the word SEARCHER at the top left corner, covering the triple-score square with the S. (now, for those of you who are scrabble players and are shaking your heads because the word SEARCHER has eight letters, i've been playing "lexulous" online, which altered their format to avoid further legal action from hasbro: a rack holds eight tiles.)
SEARCHER seems like a very symbolic, relevant word as related to precognitive, highest good word, no? one would think. but even in my dream i was aware that i had seen this word recently, could still see it in my mind's eye - on the back of penny widmore's boat - "previously on lost."
(Image courtesy of Get Lost Podcast).
which amused me.
on another note, i'm still drifting through my days, always busy, but actually accomplishing very little. i did transcribe an entire manuscript yesterday (called "the charitable pestmaster," which was enlightening regarding not just treatments, but actual "cures" for the plague and small pox, some of which involved putting crushed scorpions in orifices you would probably rather not hear about) and am slogging on through this seemingly never-ending project.
no, my inner angst comes from my so-called artistic endeavors: i've lost my will to fractal. i keep telling myself that since i'm not inspired to create any new fractals that i should go ahead and re-render some that i've done previously in print quality size so they can be made into prints and tee-shirts, but i don't think the pay-off would be worth the time and effort. no, i want to do something else. something different. something new. i want to be able to create the images in my mind, the vivid, surreal dream-like scenes that i can picture being created in bryce or some other 3D program. but when i sit down and try to create them, they vanish (in the haze.)
so, i close the program in frustration, transcribe a few more pages, load the fractal program, goof around in it and find nothing that inspires me to goof further, close it, load a transcript or bryce, and spend my days cycling through these motions and thoughts ... always busy, accomplishing but little. and every so often, though much more rarely than in the past, my characters from my shelved novels raise their heads and gaze at me woefully, wondering why i created them, only to murder them before they had a chance to truly live.
perhaps i really am searching after all.
today's reading: since updating last i finished company of liars by karen maitland and started clare clark's the great stink, but have abandoned it. it's too dark for the mood i'm in. i've now started a re-read of ed mcbain's the frumious bandersnatch, which i haven't read in a very long time, but remember enjoying immensely.
listening: the dryer spinning
drinking: british blend tea
i dream. a lot. i dream vividly - sub-conscious images that often seem surreal in the recounting. i'm not a hard-core proponent of dream analysis, but on a few occasions i've sought out symbolism in a dream encyclopedia that i bought on a whim decades ago, and have found the dissection of particular dreams to be eerily relevant to what's going on in my life at the time. ditto horoscopes. i think they're amusing, but sometimes they're uncannily reflective of what's happening with me at the time.
so, i found my horoscope yesterday especially intriguing:
Sagittarius: Upon waking, try to recall a dream. You are receiving precognitive dreams filled with information intended for your highest good.
wow, go stars.
as it happens, besides dreaming vividly, i also at times am able to semi-direct my dreams if they start going in a direction i'm not pleased with; or, sometimes if i'm having a particularly good dream i slightly surface from the dream and tell myself remember this thing, almost like a keyword. for example, telling myself to "remember mustard" once brought back an entire dream very reminiscent of the movie "field of dreams," the irony of which has escaped me until this moment.
last night i didn't go to bed with the conscious thought that i was going to try to remember a dream; i went to bed as i usually do, physically exhausted, mentally still a little wound up, which i take care of by reading until i can barely keep my eyes open. at some point during the night i became aware that i was dreaming, surfaced slightly and told myself to remember this. unfortunately the only thing i remembered when i woke up was exactly what i told myself to remember. no rambling hopi dance, no field of dreams, no badger with a target on its side, no sucking knee-deep mud, no pumpkin patch in the forest, no two-headed elephants, no screaming dream house, no bus trip or airport dream where i was returning to the UK. nope. all i got out of my dream last night - my "precognitive dream" that would serve my "highest good," was a scrabble game.
in my dream, i played a bingo - the word SEARCHER at the top left corner, covering the triple-score square with the S. (now, for those of you who are scrabble players and are shaking your heads because the word SEARCHER has eight letters, i've been playing "lexulous" online, which altered their format to avoid further legal action from hasbro: a rack holds eight tiles.)
SEARCHER seems like a very symbolic, relevant word as related to precognitive, highest good word, no? one would think. but even in my dream i was aware that i had seen this word recently, could still see it in my mind's eye - on the back of penny widmore's boat - "previously on lost."
(Image courtesy of Get Lost Podcast).
which amused me.
on another note, i'm still drifting through my days, always busy, but actually accomplishing very little. i did transcribe an entire manuscript yesterday (called "the charitable pestmaster," which was enlightening regarding not just treatments, but actual "cures" for the plague and small pox, some of which involved putting crushed scorpions in orifices you would probably rather not hear about) and am slogging on through this seemingly never-ending project.
no, my inner angst comes from my so-called artistic endeavors: i've lost my will to fractal. i keep telling myself that since i'm not inspired to create any new fractals that i should go ahead and re-render some that i've done previously in print quality size so they can be made into prints and tee-shirts, but i don't think the pay-off would be worth the time and effort. no, i want to do something else. something different. something new. i want to be able to create the images in my mind, the vivid, surreal dream-like scenes that i can picture being created in bryce or some other 3D program. but when i sit down and try to create them, they vanish (in the haze.)
so, i close the program in frustration, transcribe a few more pages, load the fractal program, goof around in it and find nothing that inspires me to goof further, close it, load a transcript or bryce, and spend my days cycling through these motions and thoughts ... always busy, accomplishing but little. and every so often, though much more rarely than in the past, my characters from my shelved novels raise their heads and gaze at me woefully, wondering why i created them, only to murder them before they had a chance to truly live.
perhaps i really am searching after all.
today's reading: since updating last i finished company of liars by karen maitland and started clare clark's the great stink, but have abandoned it. it's too dark for the mood i'm in. i've now started a re-read of ed mcbain's the frumious bandersnatch, which i haven't read in a very long time, but remember enjoying immensely.