Valentine's Day Crack
Hey guys, just some crack!fic that I discovered while cleaning my room, I found a disk drive with some fic on it. This was part of it. It had a mad libs thing that I did that I found frickin' hilarious. Anyways, without further ado...
Pairing: Simon/Jayne
To Adversely Lick
Simon and Jayne were celebrating a blue Valentine's Day together. Simon had cooked a tempermental dinner and they ate in a way by of candlelight.
"My darling," Jayne said, stroking Simon's arm, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Simon. "It is but a smart token of my glowing love."
Simon opened the box. Inside was a delicate (scalpel) protein-strips! He gazed at it huskily. Then he gazed at Jayne huskily. "It's funny," Simon said. "Come here and let me lick you."
Just then, a wily crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a horse that was too old and had to be put out to pasture. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a yellow voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Jayne read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other madly as the crone cackled some more. Simon's hand began to tremble. Then Jayne shrugged, pulled out a scalpel, and hit the crone on her leg. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Simon said and kissed Jayne intrinsicly. "This is a green Valentine's Day!"
They dearly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they licked each other all night long.
Pairing: Simon/Jayne
To Adversely Lick
Simon and Jayne were celebrating a blue Valentine's Day together. Simon had cooked a tempermental dinner and they ate in a way by of candlelight.
"My darling," Jayne said, stroking Simon's arm, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Simon. "It is but a smart token of my glowing love."
Simon opened the box. Inside was a delicate (scalpel) protein-strips! He gazed at it huskily. Then he gazed at Jayne huskily. "It's funny," Simon said. "Come here and let me lick you."
Just then, a wily crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a horse that was too old and had to be put out to pasture. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a yellow voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Jayne read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other madly as the crone cackled some more. Simon's hand began to tremble. Then Jayne shrugged, pulled out a scalpel, and hit the crone on her leg. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Simon said and kissed Jayne intrinsicly. "This is a green Valentine's Day!"
They dearly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they licked each other all night long.