(no subject)

[skeletonshake]

i don't understand life sometimes. but i expect that no one does. i know that everyone has problems in their lives but i always feel like mine are singled out and so much worse. this past year has been one of the worst for me. its just been one thing after the other and it just wont let up. now im sick and have to go to the hospital every other day for blood transfusions or blood work or some other kind of test. i feel like im being looked at like im about to die. i'm also sick of feeling like im getting nowhere. i feel stuck. i want to meet new people and have new experiences without any problems. i dont understand why its so hard for people to talk to me or start a friendship. i have no problem becoming friends with anyone. i'm also very very veryveryvery sick of people having certain opinions of me. im sick of being thought of as the bitch who doesnt talk to anyone. or the asshole who isnt having any fun. im not a bitch (unless for good reason) and i am the most easily amused person ever which means i have a good time doing anything at all. i sit at home and do puzzles and color for gods sake.

im ready for change. for a big change actually. i want to start a new chapter in my life but i dont know where to start. i need hints somehow or maybe someone needs to just hit me over the head with what it is i should do about all this nonsense. i just want to be completely happy for once. i want to have a life again and i want great people to share it with.