where is home?
i have been amazingly blessed, living in so many places, knowing many people that i love very much. but now i miss all of it. every person. every place. people from college who are all over now, doing different things. who knows whether i'll even live in the same state with any of the 402 girls again. my parents and my brothers. paul and sarah are in north carolina, and although it seems likely daniel will stay in the chicago area, who knows where david will end up. we're just not a very tied down sort of family. johnny's family is all here. and they're great, but they still don't feel like my own family. i don't know if they ever will. and i wonder where we will live and what it will be like for our kids someday. i miss the big snows of chicago. strangely enough i miss the real winter, although i know i would tire of it quickly. here it rains and rains day after day. it seems like it hasn't been sunny in a while. and i miss florida. the seasons. i know lots of people think there aren't much of seasons in south florida. but i love it. i think my ideal weather would alternate a year of florida seasons, and a year of chicago seasons... just cut about three months off the chicago winter and exchange it for a south carolina spring. oh but i love california too in the fall. the indian summer. and the dry grass on the rolling hills. sitting in the shade of an oak tree when it's hot out. and i miss the Florida beach! the salty heat and the sticky ocean and the warm sandy drying off in the sun afterward. i miss my mom. having tea and talking about life. and just enjoying all the boys and their quirky-ness, dad included. and i want to be in california and south carolina at the same time. i want to be with my grandparents as they are all going through a difficult time in life. i want to help. and i want to be there as my cousins grow up. and i want to be there to see rachel beth and the new baby and be a part of the little family in some small way. and i want to see all my wonderful florida girls as they get older and move on to different things. and i miss being silly with lizzy. and hanging out with friends.
i know, i whine way too much about this. but i really miss it all, and i don't know what to do about it. moving somewhere won't fix it. cause i miss everyone else and all the other places at the same time. i guess i just need to accept that this is life, and be encouraged that it's not forever. i might not know everyone like i want to in this life or be able to soak up all the places, but i'm going somewhere that i'll see my family and my friends all again. and that's wonderful. so i suppose that is home. i just wish it was sooner.
i know, i whine way too much about this. but i really miss it all, and i don't know what to do about it. moving somewhere won't fix it. cause i miss everyone else and all the other places at the same time. i guess i just need to accept that this is life, and be encouraged that it's not forever. i might not know everyone like i want to in this life or be able to soak up all the places, but i'm going somewhere that i'll see my family and my friends all again. and that's wonderful. so i suppose that is home. i just wish it was sooner.