Making the choice
I'll go ahead and admit it: I cried for a couple of minutes, while driving home from derby practice. It got off to a crappy start, and although I felt okay-ish by the end of it, the okay-ness feels temporary. All I need to do is get out of my own head, and just friggin' SKATE, but I can't seem to make myself do that. I've worked hard to come around to the belief that I can do anything I choose, anything at all, but nothing has made me question that more than doing this blasted sport.
But, then I checked my messages, and there was one from a friend who forwarded me a job posting. It appears to be everything I'd want out of whatever job I hold in the interim, until photography picks up. It's even part-time and work-from-home. It appears to be a job that I could actually *get*, because it draws upon skills I've been using and building in recent months, on my own time outside of work. I'd get to actually design things, and make them work.
I've felt adrift, these past several weeks, with all this energy and no real certainty as to where to direct it. I fell into a spiral, feeling as though nothing was improving, that some things were actually getting *worse*, and that there was no end in sight. Maybe this is the kick in the pants I needed, the change that I was looking for, the one that would be the first of many. Sometimes, I forget so easily that I don't have to accept what I've been given. I *can* find the direction I need again, and all I have to do is choose it.
Either way, I am absolutely applying for that job first thing in the morning.
But, then I checked my messages, and there was one from a friend who forwarded me a job posting. It appears to be everything I'd want out of whatever job I hold in the interim, until photography picks up. It's even part-time and work-from-home. It appears to be a job that I could actually *get*, because it draws upon skills I've been using and building in recent months, on my own time outside of work. I'd get to actually design things, and make them work.
I've felt adrift, these past several weeks, with all this energy and no real certainty as to where to direct it. I fell into a spiral, feeling as though nothing was improving, that some things were actually getting *worse*, and that there was no end in sight. Maybe this is the kick in the pants I needed, the change that I was looking for, the one that would be the first of many. Sometimes, I forget so easily that I don't have to accept what I've been given. I *can* find the direction I need again, and all I have to do is choose it.
Either way, I am absolutely applying for that job first thing in the morning.