Come save me because I can't save myself
Has it been like this for the whole year, because I haven't noticed anything. The quest for happyness has backfired, and the only happiness I see is around me and not inside me. Happiness is not the Force. I find myself struggling from day to day, having no routines at home. I've just left my house like this, living in my own filth. And this is something I have to face myself, I can't accept anyone's help even though I'd like to. I put myself into this, I'm going to do this myself. I can't blame anyone for my current condition, it's all in my head.
I keep finding myself daydreaming away at work, not concentrating on anything really. I want to escape reality so badly, but I can't, mustnt. I see everyone else fleeing, why can't I? Suski's leaving to Brussels, Anh Thu New Zealand, Peetu Hungary, Laura University, Ville Medschool, Jouni and his arts. Hell, even Omar seems to be going somewhere. Why does this little pothole seem so hard to get out of?
I don't like to work. I mean, the people there are okay and the work's not that bad, but I'd rather do something else right now. Buddhist teachings tell us to live right now, so is it wrong to desire something else right now? Oh and I find myself suckered into the most ridiculous things, and do things most impulsively. Moving out? I have no money, we have no money. We can barely make rent as it is, I think. I thought that my new tattoo would make me feel worry-less for a while, but it just felt good when it was done. It drowned the pain I wallow in, the selfpity and the selfdeception.
I feel like escaping all the time. What am I trying to escape? I want to backpack and leave, but then I'd get bored of that too. Solitude? Not for me. I'm so sick of all these people but I'm scared to be alone. What if I do, will anyone miss me? Will anyone even notice, because people rarely contact me anyways. Is it only up to me to keep in touch? It feels like no one even wants to see me. Friendship is supposed to be a mutual thing.
So in the end I'm sick and tired of everything, and need some rest from everything. Maybe the moving out will save me, if we even get the place. If we don't, I'm afraid of being stuck here forever. No one can save me, save me.
I keep finding myself daydreaming away at work, not concentrating on anything really. I want to escape reality so badly, but I can't, mustnt. I see everyone else fleeing, why can't I? Suski's leaving to Brussels, Anh Thu New Zealand, Peetu Hungary, Laura University, Ville Medschool, Jouni and his arts. Hell, even Omar seems to be going somewhere. Why does this little pothole seem so hard to get out of?
I don't like to work. I mean, the people there are okay and the work's not that bad, but I'd rather do something else right now. Buddhist teachings tell us to live right now, so is it wrong to desire something else right now? Oh and I find myself suckered into the most ridiculous things, and do things most impulsively. Moving out? I have no money, we have no money. We can barely make rent as it is, I think. I thought that my new tattoo would make me feel worry-less for a while, but it just felt good when it was done. It drowned the pain I wallow in, the selfpity and the selfdeception.
I feel like escaping all the time. What am I trying to escape? I want to backpack and leave, but then I'd get bored of that too. Solitude? Not for me. I'm so sick of all these people but I'm scared to be alone. What if I do, will anyone miss me? Will anyone even notice, because people rarely contact me anyways. Is it only up to me to keep in touch? It feels like no one even wants to see me. Friendship is supposed to be a mutual thing.
So in the end I'm sick and tired of everything, and need some rest from everything. Maybe the moving out will save me, if we even get the place. If we don't, I'm afraid of being stuck here forever. No one can save me, save me.