I'm back...if only for a little while
I just discovered that my work has lifted the ban on lj. So, while I should be doing data entry, I'm going to type away in here instead.
Where to begin? I don't know, as I actually don't have a lot to say. I remember when I practically lived on this journal. I would use it to talk to friends and keep in touch with things that were important. But that easily seems like a million years ago. No more Miss E, no more Lindsay - they are gone from lj, although I still talk to Miss E on a reg basis. I still see Sarah and Chris and Meghan. But things have changed and it's all so different now. I'm different, the situation is different, the veil of innocence on certain things has been torn to shreds. So what's left on here?
I think in the end, after all is said and done and put away, we all just want to reach out to someone who understands and will love and get us no matter what. We are all desperately seeking a place where we feel ok, maybe even better than ok, maybe even normal, whatever normal means. I'm still looking for a place where I belong, because, dammit, I never feel comfortable anywhere. I want last December back. Those who knew me then will know why. I want that feeling, the feeling of weightlessness, perfection, love, all my cells tingly with the sensation of being alive. I want that day in San Diego back. Before things went to crap. When we were all on this journey together for the same reasons, not splintered and fractured like now. I want that amazing feeling back. I'd give anything for it. But I know it's a wanting that will never be satisfied. Things change. Dust blows. And people leave. All good things must come to an end because they just burn themselves out. We all burn out.
What am I saying? God only knows. He's the only one that knows anything anymore.
Where to begin? I don't know, as I actually don't have a lot to say. I remember when I practically lived on this journal. I would use it to talk to friends and keep in touch with things that were important. But that easily seems like a million years ago. No more Miss E, no more Lindsay - they are gone from lj, although I still talk to Miss E on a reg basis. I still see Sarah and Chris and Meghan. But things have changed and it's all so different now. I'm different, the situation is different, the veil of innocence on certain things has been torn to shreds. So what's left on here?
I think in the end, after all is said and done and put away, we all just want to reach out to someone who understands and will love and get us no matter what. We are all desperately seeking a place where we feel ok, maybe even better than ok, maybe even normal, whatever normal means. I'm still looking for a place where I belong, because, dammit, I never feel comfortable anywhere. I want last December back. Those who knew me then will know why. I want that feeling, the feeling of weightlessness, perfection, love, all my cells tingly with the sensation of being alive. I want that day in San Diego back. Before things went to crap. When we were all on this journey together for the same reasons, not splintered and fractured like now. I want that amazing feeling back. I'd give anything for it. But I know it's a wanting that will never be satisfied. Things change. Dust blows. And people leave. All good things must come to an end because they just burn themselves out. We all burn out.
What am I saying? God only knows. He's the only one that knows anything anymore.