Back to the stress of reality
So I had all last week, except for Wednesday, off from the karate school. It was our first quarter break. I only had to be there on Wednesday to finish some instructor training. The rest of the week, I got as far away from the school as possible.
I love the martial arts. I've been doing it for 6 years now. It is such a part of my life that it would leave a huge void if I ever choose to stop training. The only problem is, since taking the position of program director, my passion has turned into a chore. And I've begun to really, really hate it. I've been an instructor for 4 1/2 years. There was even a time that I worked for the school full time. But then I quit my job there - not the training, just the job. Why? Because it made me so utterly unhappy. Just like now, being expected to be a program director fulltime on part time hours, is killing me. I'm stuck at the school every damn night - I can't go do anything else. I've missed auditions, college courses, 2nd jobs to earn more money - all because I'm expected to be at the school. And the more time goes on, the further I get sucked in. It's breaking me.
Tonight is the first night back. Back to teaching, phone calls, appointments, putting on a fake smile and a yes I can attitude. All the while my heart dies more and more. And the really sucky thing is - there is no one that can take my place. No one that has had as much training or skill, and most importantly, no one who wants to run it. I've asked other instructors and coaches and they've all answered with a resounding "hell no!" So here I rot, doing what I never wanted to do, sinking further and further down into the mire.
I love the martial arts. I've been doing it for 6 years now. It is such a part of my life that it would leave a huge void if I ever choose to stop training. The only problem is, since taking the position of program director, my passion has turned into a chore. And I've begun to really, really hate it. I've been an instructor for 4 1/2 years. There was even a time that I worked for the school full time. But then I quit my job there - not the training, just the job. Why? Because it made me so utterly unhappy. Just like now, being expected to be a program director fulltime on part time hours, is killing me. I'm stuck at the school every damn night - I can't go do anything else. I've missed auditions, college courses, 2nd jobs to earn more money - all because I'm expected to be at the school. And the more time goes on, the further I get sucked in. It's breaking me.
Tonight is the first night back. Back to teaching, phone calls, appointments, putting on a fake smile and a yes I can attitude. All the while my heart dies more and more. And the really sucky thing is - there is no one that can take my place. No one that has had as much training or skill, and most importantly, no one who wants to run it. I've asked other instructors and coaches and they've all answered with a resounding "hell no!" So here I rot, doing what I never wanted to do, sinking further and further down into the mire.