Overall positive for the past while. What is this. Help
Essentially... something seems to have snapped.
From... (mid/late-)2010 until now, I've basically been becoming increasingly worried and paranoid about things - basically, lots of distrust, etc. (feelings of "oh if I fuck up once everyone's gonna know and deride me like mad", "people will mob and lynch me if I happen to say something that's not entirely agreed with", "this person probably can't be assed to talk to me", other self-defeating thoughts, etc. etc.) I still had a core group of people I was comfortable around, but as people I was decidedly uncomfortable around appeared, I kind of sequestered myself off.
A few weeks ago, however, something... just up and snapped. (It involved a skype call with some people I was nervous around. It went well. Or, at least this was what created the spark?) Essentially... confidence, trust, various other things have shot way up. This is easily the longest string of feeling... well, at very worst -decent- in years. (Maybe since 2009 or, at latest, early 2010.) Sure, sometimes I'll end up in a bad mood, but... not having the occasional irritated mood or whatever is pretty indicative of a problem, and... to be frank, aside from some minor irritations, I haven't exactly had anything to feel irritated about.
I've said in the past that I was coming out of (minor) depressions. These were a couple days of feeling well, and me both thinking "if I will myself out of it, I will leave it" and "I have to say this shit, else people will think I'm a Lazy Ass and deride the FUCK out of me and it'll be damned unpleasant" - I'm pretty sure, considering the length of time, that it's the real deal this time, that at least if nothing else things aren't going to be -as- consistently shit. (...Don't get me wrong, though, it wasn't a crippling depression. Just the one that kinda holds you back a bit. I still had some fun, and arguably one of the very best nights of my life happened during this time. Have you ever seen Rush live?) Sure, part of it is me willing myself out of it - if you have no will, nothing's going to happen. But it's like having fuel without a fire, I guess - this time, there just happened to be a way to start the fire this time.
I've been getting slowly back into Zelda Classic work, as well. Hell, I think ZC is a good timeline for when shit started hitting the fan. LTTS2 was smooth sailing until late July of 2010, where I believe things began to slide downhill. I've done work since then, but maintaining interest has been one HELL of an uphill battle. I'm interested consistently now... however, the question is whether to upgrade the quest to 2.5 or leave it on 1.92. I see no compelling features to 2.5, and I'd need to learn tons of new workflow habits (hence my insistence on doing a couple of shorter "experimentation" quests) - however, the new ZC is fairly platform-agnostic (for all the good it does me being an exclusive Windows user these days... and yes, that makes me shiver to type) save the lack of a DOS version (but to be fair, 1.92 b182-184 DOS have disappeared from the internet, and 2.10 sucks at anything but 2.10 quests, and sometimes it can't even get THOSE right). I'd kind of like to keep the quest file as small as possible (preferably enough to fit on a floppy), as well... aside from that, though, there may not be that much difference between the versions. (Especially as, well, I have -no- plans to let anyone muscle me into using any zscripts. Maybe something else. But not LTTS2. You do not fuck with my standards on this quest.)
If nothing else, I've finished something this year. But I still have to release it. Once I finish a few other things, I guess I'll be able to assign some more focus to ZC!
Still hooked to various types of music.
It's so nice having a positive entry up here for once. Man. I was worried that'd never happen again!
(Little post-thought re: talking to people: Some lines of communication just won't reopen - it's been too long, or people have said a thing or two regarding communication that intimidates me away from talking to them lest I end up irritating them myself. This is... well, I don't know if I like it, but it's fine. It's going to happen. I'm no longer stressed out by this, and just wish to hold onto existing connections.
But god damn, though, do I wish I were better at starting conversations, ha. So many people, so many different things. The "hi" "hi" [silence] thing can get bothersome, I know, but it almost feels like unless I know the person EXTREMELY well at times that there needs to be a large conversation. Again, not everything's back to usual, but meh. Things will be things.)
From... (mid/late-)2010 until now, I've basically been becoming increasingly worried and paranoid about things - basically, lots of distrust, etc. (feelings of "oh if I fuck up once everyone's gonna know and deride me like mad", "people will mob and lynch me if I happen to say something that's not entirely agreed with", "this person probably can't be assed to talk to me", other self-defeating thoughts, etc. etc.) I still had a core group of people I was comfortable around, but as people I was decidedly uncomfortable around appeared, I kind of sequestered myself off.
A few weeks ago, however, something... just up and snapped. (It involved a skype call with some people I was nervous around. It went well. Or, at least this was what created the spark?) Essentially... confidence, trust, various other things have shot way up. This is easily the longest string of feeling... well, at very worst -decent- in years. (Maybe since 2009 or, at latest, early 2010.) Sure, sometimes I'll end up in a bad mood, but... not having the occasional irritated mood or whatever is pretty indicative of a problem, and... to be frank, aside from some minor irritations, I haven't exactly had anything to feel irritated about.
I've said in the past that I was coming out of (minor) depressions. These were a couple days of feeling well, and me both thinking "if I will myself out of it, I will leave it" and "I have to say this shit, else people will think I'm a Lazy Ass and deride the FUCK out of me and it'll be damned unpleasant" - I'm pretty sure, considering the length of time, that it's the real deal this time, that at least if nothing else things aren't going to be -as- consistently shit. (...Don't get me wrong, though, it wasn't a crippling depression. Just the one that kinda holds you back a bit. I still had some fun, and arguably one of the very best nights of my life happened during this time. Have you ever seen Rush live?) Sure, part of it is me willing myself out of it - if you have no will, nothing's going to happen. But it's like having fuel without a fire, I guess - this time, there just happened to be a way to start the fire this time.
I've been getting slowly back into Zelda Classic work, as well. Hell, I think ZC is a good timeline for when shit started hitting the fan. LTTS2 was smooth sailing until late July of 2010, where I believe things began to slide downhill. I've done work since then, but maintaining interest has been one HELL of an uphill battle. I'm interested consistently now... however, the question is whether to upgrade the quest to 2.5 or leave it on 1.92. I see no compelling features to 2.5, and I'd need to learn tons of new workflow habits (hence my insistence on doing a couple of shorter "experimentation" quests) - however, the new ZC is fairly platform-agnostic (for all the good it does me being an exclusive Windows user these days... and yes, that makes me shiver to type) save the lack of a DOS version (but to be fair, 1.92 b182-184 DOS have disappeared from the internet, and 2.10 sucks at anything but 2.10 quests, and sometimes it can't even get THOSE right). I'd kind of like to keep the quest file as small as possible (preferably enough to fit on a floppy), as well... aside from that, though, there may not be that much difference between the versions. (Especially as, well, I have -no- plans to let anyone muscle me into using any zscripts. Maybe something else. But not LTTS2. You do not fuck with my standards on this quest.)
If nothing else, I've finished something this year. But I still have to release it. Once I finish a few other things, I guess I'll be able to assign some more focus to ZC!
Still hooked to various types of music.
It's so nice having a positive entry up here for once. Man. I was worried that'd never happen again!
(Little post-thought re: talking to people: Some lines of communication just won't reopen - it's been too long, or people have said a thing or two regarding communication that intimidates me away from talking to them lest I end up irritating them myself. This is... well, I don't know if I like it, but it's fine. It's going to happen. I'm no longer stressed out by this, and just wish to hold onto existing connections.
But god damn, though, do I wish I were better at starting conversations, ha. So many people, so many different things. The "hi" "hi" [silence] thing can get bothersome, I know, but it almost feels like unless I know the person EXTREMELY well at times that there needs to be a large conversation. Again, not everything's back to usual, but meh. Things will be things.)