under indiana skies.
heart pounding. pounding on the inside of his chest. he can feel it throughout his entire frame. a dull pain has settled deep within his stomach and it has been there for quite sometime. blank eyes stare at a blank ceiling,and he hates the fact that sleep gets harder and harder to come by as the nights progress. completely black,the room seems so quiet. the alarm glows 4:27AM,and this is starting to become ridiculous. he rolls over to his stomach to keep himself from getting lost in the ceiling. it's so fucking uncomfortable. all of this is just so fucking uncomfortable. he rolls over to his left side,and then switches to the right. still nothing. he catches sound of his roommates rhythmic snoring. he tries to concentrate on it. anything to keep his mind away from what is keeping him awake. 4:52AM. frustration is hitting. the roommate rolls over and the snoring stops. there is now silence in the room and it is killing him. it is raining outside. a soft,quiet rain. water drops run on the glass of the window and the trees are getting slightly bent by the wind. barely visible,there is the faint glow of a street light down on the corner. it highlights the rain. it makes it seem like so much more. boredom hits. the same words that were said earlier in the evening are still being repeated over and over in his head. this is complicated. this is complicated. this is complicated and i hate it... this is just so fucking complicated. his stomach hurts. and his heart is beating faster. make it better,please make this stop. there he is,laying alone. she is so far away,but they share the same stomach ache. this room is hot. but the blankets stay on for security. in this room that is divided for two,this single person bed seems so big anymore. come save me. come save me from this. 5:27AM. still wandering eyes mixed with wondering thoughts. trying to get up without waking his roommate,he heads for the door. he heads for the bathroom. his urine is dark gold in color,and it has been like that for weeks. obviously not normal,but there are more important things to worry about. the halls are chilly,and he wants warmth. the warmth of summer. the warmth of summer to get him out of this mess. being trapped inside gives too much time to think. gives too much time to get lost in something. think think think. he fucking hates it. going back to bed sounds in no way appealing. that ceiling is old. and that silence is older. he makes his way down the hallway of his dorm. makes his way to the door that leads to the outside. the never ending outside. despite the rain. despite the cold. despite the wind. he walks outside. a blast of air hits. it takes his breath away. she takes his breath away. big,deep breathes. this so so so dumb he says outloud to himself. he looks up into the dark sky. that infinitely black indiana sky. the wind and the rain hit his face. goddamn. she is so fucking special.