Reflections
So much to say... so much I can't say, so many realizations, so much confusion, so much excitement and fear, guilt and determination.
College is coming up fast. Very, Very fast, and I have so many regrets about high school, and I want to go back, but I also know I'd be miserable if I were stuck in New Hampshire and in High School for another year.
All of my things are packed, so I have much less to do over the next couple days than I'd anticipated, and I'm afraid it'll be hard to keep my mind off of everything. I just find myself worrying about college so much. I don't know what my ward will be like, what calling I'll get, how hard my classes will be, which French level I'll end up taking, whether I'll like my roommates, how much money I'll need (since I'm going into apartments), and thus how many hours I'll have to work during the school year. For all I know, I might not find a job and might end up taking out a small loan to get myself through the year. I doubt that will happen, but still, the uncertainties are scary. And how will I manage without my cats? And without trees? For four months??? And I'll miss red leaves in autumn.
But, I'm feeling hope again. Many things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped this Summer. Some of it was my fault, and some wasn't. But, I've made many realizations. for one, some people are narrow-minded jerks who just happen to think that being cynical and liberal makes them open-minded, intelligent, and therefore gives them the right to be rude and insulting to other people - and then there are occasionally people who go so far out of their ways to not offend anyone, that they're quietly unkind or unfair to a number of people, in their efforts to please others and avoid conflicts. I've always noticed the opposites of these people - those who are unkind in blatant self-interest, and those who pompously assume being conservative and "patriotic" makes them right about everything, but I think the first two I mentioned are much less noticeable in this region, where everything liberal and anti-violent is considered good.
But, beyond the rant... I've decided to stop being so worried about offending people. This doesn't mean I need to be rude, or say tings without thinking, but sometimes people get unjustly offended by things you say, and some times they're justly offended, but in a way one couldn't predict. So, I intend to be more open at college. If people get offended by what I say in openness and honesty, I'll deal with it when I find out.
So... ranting, ranting...
I've also decided that a friendship can't survive unrequited love or unrequited infatuation, at least not once it's known by both parties. I don't know how this realization will affect my future interactions, but it's interesting to know.
There's been so much to think about lately...
College is coming up fast. Very, Very fast, and I have so many regrets about high school, and I want to go back, but I also know I'd be miserable if I were stuck in New Hampshire and in High School for another year.
All of my things are packed, so I have much less to do over the next couple days than I'd anticipated, and I'm afraid it'll be hard to keep my mind off of everything. I just find myself worrying about college so much. I don't know what my ward will be like, what calling I'll get, how hard my classes will be, which French level I'll end up taking, whether I'll like my roommates, how much money I'll need (since I'm going into apartments), and thus how many hours I'll have to work during the school year. For all I know, I might not find a job and might end up taking out a small loan to get myself through the year. I doubt that will happen, but still, the uncertainties are scary. And how will I manage without my cats? And without trees? For four months??? And I'll miss red leaves in autumn.
But, I'm feeling hope again. Many things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped this Summer. Some of it was my fault, and some wasn't. But, I've made many realizations. for one, some people are narrow-minded jerks who just happen to think that being cynical and liberal makes them open-minded, intelligent, and therefore gives them the right to be rude and insulting to other people - and then there are occasionally people who go so far out of their ways to not offend anyone, that they're quietly unkind or unfair to a number of people, in their efforts to please others and avoid conflicts. I've always noticed the opposites of these people - those who are unkind in blatant self-interest, and those who pompously assume being conservative and "patriotic" makes them right about everything, but I think the first two I mentioned are much less noticeable in this region, where everything liberal and anti-violent is considered good.
But, beyond the rant... I've decided to stop being so worried about offending people. This doesn't mean I need to be rude, or say tings without thinking, but sometimes people get unjustly offended by things you say, and some times they're justly offended, but in a way one couldn't predict. So, I intend to be more open at college. If people get offended by what I say in openness and honesty, I'll deal with it when I find out.
So... ranting, ranting...
I've also decided that a friendship can't survive unrequited love or unrequited infatuation, at least not once it's known by both parties. I don't know how this realization will affect my future interactions, but it's interesting to know.
There's been so much to think about lately...