Losing the Argument
Plorkwort wrote:
...conduct the ceremony in a church filled in stained-glass jello?
___
'What!?'
'I want us to have the ceremony in a church filled with stained-glass jello,' I repeated nervously.
Oh dear, he wasn't taking this well. A hole to somewhere unpleasant opened in the pit of my stomach. It was happening again...
'No. NO!'
No, no! My thoughts echoed his words. I hated this. I hated it. I always seemed to make a mull of it, and he'd seemed so promising. He was glaring at me now, fiercely and with lots of moustache...
'I come here,' he seemed to almost choke on his own anger, 'I come here, you JADE, to make an honest offer for your hand...'
I was trembling, too much like the other times, much too much.
'...and find you were merely making a game of me. Leading me on. Trifling...'
Trifle, oh gods, trifle. The custard, the jello, the sherry and sprinkles. Damn my father and his last will and testament, his selling of my soul to the wrong sort of demon and her devilish desserts. Damn him all to Heck.
'...with my affections! My friends warned me against you, but I ignored them, them and your taste for keeping Elven company. I see madam that I was the veriest FOOL!'
'It isn't like that,' somehow I managed to squeeze out the words tho' I could not longer seem to get enough air into my lungs, 'It isn't!'
'No? Not a "joke"? Instead you claim it at as some manner of blasphemous pervesion on your part. Hah! BAWLDERDASH, madam. bawlderdash! I withdraw my offer for your hand. Consider yourself fortunate that you are not a man, for if you were I would surely call you out for the insult your have just offered me!'
I found myself laughing insanely, hysterically at this final incongruous flight as he strode from the room slamming the door behind him.
And then the world faded into a hash of white noise as I fainted clean away.
...
I lay upon my bed, the curtains were drawn against the afternoon sun. It seemed I was busy recruiting my strength and repairing my shattered nerves.
Izzy, sat at my bedside, dressed every inch the madcap Elven noble that she was -- hair artistically unbound and wild -- chafed at my hand. Of course Izzy being Izzy, that rogue and adventuress, made it more like a caress.
Sometimes I hated her for persisting.
'The Jello, yes?' she asked.
I nodded. She sighed. Then burst out laughing.
'Fools, every one. Foolishness! You marry me today and we use as much of the Jello of stained glass as your departed Father requires to keep your fortune. A good plan! I like Jello and all the other desserts of your Demon. She cute! I marry her too!'
She threw a long lascivious glance, a postive oogle over my head towards a presumably infernal target...
'Not complain that all of us female. No. All female marriage quite the thing for Elves as I tell you many times before, because nobody even seen a boy Elf! Male what is male? Absurd idea. No so such thing! Have tentacles for that!'
Demonic giggling came from somewhere out of my vision
'K'yoia? you're here too?'
'Afraid so. Oh yes.' the demonness of the desserts mendaciously apologised in between giggles and bouts of hiccups.
I groaned. Then firmly removed Izzy's hand from mine.
'No,' I told her just as firmly, 'You know I don't like girls, not that way, even with tentacles. And as for you K'yoia, create just one dessert anywhere near me today, just one, and I'll...'
...fists clenched, I turned back to Izzy who was giving me her patented hurt puppy look whilst oozing sweetest insincerity from her mock soulful eyes.
'Izzy...' I warned. Not harshly for she did truly love me after all; I had finally managed to accept that.
'Hokies Lydia. I stop. But,' and suddenly she became as deadly serious as I had ever seen her, 'this thing with the proposals of men you seek becomes not good for you. Not at all. You fainted. You do not faint. Never!'
'...But.'
'And yes I love you and would marry you, I am Sorry. So does K'yoia demon love you, tho' you like that even less. But you hurt yourself with this madness. Again and again rejected and in pain because of idiot Father. So stop it at least for time to become whole and healed and not filled with the hurt of the memories, if determined it *must* be human male you wed.'
'Tis silliness tho' this your "not like girls". K'yoia demon could fix with her Magick, I could fix with my Magick, many many sorceress could fix. An easy thing. You think about it, properly with seriousness. Yes?'
I glared at her stubbornly, she looked back calmly but just as stubborn until I broke the gaze. I fell back onto the pillows and shut my eyes searching deep within for some sort of composure.
'I will marry.' I told them slowly 'It will be to a man. I will do it before the thirtieth of November as required by my Father's Will. I will fulfill all the other conditions laid out, including the Jello. I am quite determined that Cousin Algenon will not inherit the estate, even if he has the title.'
At that, both of them, Demon and Elf together, rolled their eyes to the heavens. Yes, from behind my closed eyelids I heard them do it.
It was quite obvious I was losing the argument, even with myself.