h-e-r-o-i-n

[skankzero]

i seriously need to figure some shit out. come may, i have the choice of going back to the streets of montreal, with dan, and with heroin, or find another place, here in newmarket, and keep my job. although the choice i make seems easy to anyone else, i prefer montreal, and dan, and heroin, and freedom. it makes me sick that i have to take "sick days" just to visit my fucking fiancee. i continually fight myself on this issue. i find joy sometimes with my job and an apartment, and my cats are comfortable and happy now too. however, my life is so restricted to work and rent and money money money. i DO NOT want my life consumed by money. of course there are bad days... dopesick days... freezing nights... but in the end, i have a smile on my face. i dont know whats stopping me from leaving again. putting all the nice things that ive acquired into storage. actually, i do. my mum. she's so alone, like i am. she's so unhappy with her life... but she manages to mask that by buying herself expensive jewelry and going on exotic vacations. i dont want my life to end up like that. i dont want to let her down. i feel so lost. im having no luck finding a new apartment here. maybe i can take some sort of sick leave from work for a few months. pressure. rising. quickly. i want dan. beside me. forever. i hate only seeing him every couple months for a week. what is that? what kind of life is that?
i lost my point... well, it simply was. if anyone that reads this can hook me up with some dope and a connect, it'd be greatly appreciated. i might be able to cope with shit if i had some. the sickness and chemical burns are not worth the week that i take off every two months. its just not. i just need something to keep me going right now.