Even when it's at it's worst...it's not so bad
I realize that I'm an idiot. I think all of these thoughts, but who is to really say that those thoughts aren't being thought by everyone else in the world. Everything I say is just a repeat. I have nothing new in my head. And I've thought all of these things before. I want to be somewhere else. Not here. I had all of these plans for today and none of them happened. I guess if I was more motivated I could've made at least one thing work out,but no...I should just never plan anything. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do i procrastinate everything? So many questions. Questions are all I ever have. No answers. Everything I do is just in the pursuit of having fun. Maybe trying to recapture some past feeling of fun and security. I'm obsessed with the past and even more obsessed with the future because it will one day become the past. I like to relive things. Memories mean so much, but is that only because we humans are never satisfied with something until we don't have it anymore. The phone is ringing. I have hope. But not much..It was Cecilia, who I wanted to go somewhere with, but all she is doing is going to the movies with Shana and Chris. FUCK!! I want to go OUT. At the same time however I don't think I would mind staying here. Chilling out, listening to music, reading ,writing, thinking, maybe trying to make some kind of new development with another one of my aquaintances who also happens to have the misfortune of staying home on a Saturday night. MMMMMM...I'm bored though. It's only 6 fuckin o'clock. I guess there is a chance of me finding something to do and if it comes down to it I Can just go with Cecil and them. It wouldn't be bad. Whatever. Its not like the boredom I have in this moment is going to matter any longer then just right now. Tommorow. So what.