(no subject)
Okay so Thanksgiving has been interesting. This weekend has had its ups and downs but whatevv. I had a good talk with my budd last night and I've come to some revilations. Emm firstly, I will no longer take the role of doctor Phil in my house. I am not the adult in this family. Im not responsible for my parents depression, nor am i responsible for my brothers many acts of idiocy. None of this is my fault, I shouldnt have to feel like I need to fix everything because I really cant. I have to emotionally disconnect from all of them, not completely of course they are my family. But I cant feel this much pressure, I wont let them push al of this on me anymore. 2 months ago I broke, I told them I was leaving and I couldnt deal with being their parent. And now its back and even worse, ntohign has changd and nothing will change until I allow myself to not let them keep doing this to me. I thought the last heart to heart might end this all. but Grant just keeps pushing it. I refuse to raise him because I dont want to be held responisble for him being a fuckup. Time for the actual parents to step up and do their job because Im not doing it anymore. When they yell and scream, whe they are constatly bickering and blaming everything on every 1 else but themseleves I will leave. i dotn need any of this shit. I have my own things I need to focus on. I dont need to be in the position of balancing the upbringing of my brother, mother and father plus school. I have to hold on and stick with this wretched place, this wretched town for a while. Im certainly not able to support myself at this point in time. But mentally speaking, I will end up in a nuthouse if I let these people get to me. The summer jsut ended and I already need a break. "Well if you leave what the hell are WE supposed to do?? How are WE supposed to handle him??" I'll tell you how, you suck it up and stop making your 15 year old daughter take care of eevrything. As far as im concerned Im seeking alternatives for a week or so, house hop for a while so I dont have to listen to this bullshit for a few days.
But yeah Im planning on making soem healthy lifestyle changes so that I may keep my sanity here. I just have to seperate myself.. Not get envolved and avoid conflict. Hopefully this might work, if not Im gone. Shit takes time I know, Im just wondering how long it will be before someone realises the spoiled little whiite kid who ruins eevry 1's lives needs to leave.
But yeah Im planning on making soem healthy lifestyle changes so that I may keep my sanity here. I just have to seperate myself.. Not get envolved and avoid conflict. Hopefully this might work, if not Im gone. Shit takes time I know, Im just wondering how long it will be before someone realises the spoiled little whiite kid who ruins eevry 1's lives needs to leave.