*sigh*
Have you ever just been so happy, so finally happy, only to notice that someone else... someone you just started to care about is now miserable? It really sucks, let me tell you. When you've been so sad, so confused, and so alone without that one person that makes you feel so good, and you finally get to them, bury you face in their scent, feel their arms around you, and look up to see someone else, just broken. I'm so torn. I fucked up. Beyond forgiveness, and yet, I was forgiven! I was selfish, I was greedy, I took it all and ran off with it, tripped, fell on my face, and when he should have pointed and laughed, he smiled and helped me up. Gave me a kiss, and a warm embrace. Why? Because this girl, this angel in a studded jacket convinced him, beyond anything, that it was right. At what sacrifice though? At what sacrifice to herself? I owe a lot to her, more than I probably even realize. I swear, if fate is true, she sent her to us.
I'm not perfect. By no means am I close to anything that is perfect. And I feel deeply, which sometimes I think is more a curse than a blessing. Often I find myself feeling so much not just my own feelings, but others'. I take on other people's emotions and problems and they weigh me til I feel my knees are buckling and my legs are quivering. And I try to take it upon myself to cheer people up, make them smile, change things for the better. But it seems now that I am at a loss. I want to hold him close, feel his heartbeat, hear his breath, taste his kiss; and at the same time, I want to see her smile. I don't know how I can feel so much joy, and so much sorrow at the same time.
There's a lot that he and I need to work on and work out. I know I love him and it's a great feeling and I want to keep this. It's a new year and it's a new start, and this time I want to do it right.
I'm not perfect. By no means am I close to anything that is perfect. And I feel deeply, which sometimes I think is more a curse than a blessing. Often I find myself feeling so much not just my own feelings, but others'. I take on other people's emotions and problems and they weigh me til I feel my knees are buckling and my legs are quivering. And I try to take it upon myself to cheer people up, make them smile, change things for the better. But it seems now that I am at a loss. I want to hold him close, feel his heartbeat, hear his breath, taste his kiss; and at the same time, I want to see her smile. I don't know how I can feel so much joy, and so much sorrow at the same time.
There's a lot that he and I need to work on and work out. I know I love him and it's a great feeling and I want to keep this. It's a new year and it's a new start, and this time I want to do it right.