Here's to a Better Year
Last year was great and all, but, as they say (whomever "they" may be), hindsight is always 20/20. There's so many things that I said and did that I would change. And so many things that I didn't say or do that I should have. But, you can't change the past. The only thing you can do is learn and grow. I don't believe in regrets, thank goodness, otherwise I'd have a billion and one.
I omitted many people from my life in the last year, and gained a few as well. I broke someone's heart, and then got my heart broken. It's part of life. That which doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.
It's hard to say the best or worst thing that happened to me in the last 365 days. But, if I had to choose, I'd say that the worst would be that I questioned, then changed myself for someone else. I doubted my own instincts and allowed someone to make me look like a fool, not in their eyes, or anyone else's, except my own. That's the worst feeling in the world. I wish I could go back and change it. Take back the "I love you's" and the kisses, the hugs. The nights spent together when I could've been somewhere else, with someone else. But, I learned. And that's all that I can ask for. There's another not-so-great thing that happened as well. I seem to have lost contact with one of the only people in the world that was ever there for me without any questions asked, without a finger pointed, without making me feel like an ass, no matter what the situation. Her friendship came with unmatched understanding and compassion. I hate myself some days thinking about our lack of friendship now. I know that she'll always be there, and I hope to God that she knows that I am always here for her, and always will be. So, Heather, if you read this, I love you more than you'll ever know. As I've said before, the only good thing that ever came out of that hell-hole I used to work at was the fact that I met you. Thank you.
The best thing that's happened to me...well, that's questionable. I took a great trip to Florida with the Simms' and enjoyed myself immensely. I strengthened a few of my friendships, which is great. I found out a lot about myself. I realized that no matter how much I fight it, I indeed am a chick. I'm the whole package of girliness, complete with random wig-outs and emotions. I just handle it different than most. I'm "breezy" about it, as my mom would say. I'm not as open and honest about those emotions as I once thought I was. As it turns out, I can say exactly what needs to be said to everyone except the person I really should be saying it to. One day, I hope to overcome this.
As resolutions go, I re-nigged on all the one's I made last year (which now, I can't even remember).
So, here are my resolutions for this year:
1. Don't ever think that I'm not good enough. I am.
2. Lose another 50 pounds, and do it the RIGHT way. Not a diet, a lifestyle change. I've lost almost 100 lbs., so 50 should be easy. This is what I need to keep telling myself.
3. Strengthen myself. Not my muscles, but my soul.
4. Learn how to realize that it's OK to be wrong at times.
5. Take people for what they are worth, not what I'd like them to be worth. Don't think that people will change, or that I can personally change them. I can't. People are who they are, just as I am who I am.
6. (THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE TO ME) Be happy with me, in my own skin. Love myself just as I am. Don't try to change myself for anyone, for no one is worth that. I'm Mel. It's as simple as that. Love me, hate me. That's your perrogative. But, don't try to change me, for I will never try to change you.
So, this is my year in review. A thanks goes out to Tin-Can for getting my mental juices flowing with his entry. It made me think about my year as well. Thanks!! ;)
I hope that you get all you wanted out of this year as well. There's not one person I know who doesn't deserve all the happiness in the world. Even Vanessa, who I have a special note for: I hope that this year, you can be happy with you. For when you truely are, everything else will fall into place. I still think about you and I hope that all is well. Our friendship was one of the true disappointments of the last year. But, we can't change the past, and what's done is done. But, don't forget, I will always love you as the sister I remember. God bless.
Also, Alisha and Neil, I love the both of you more than life itself. You two make me a better and more complete self. Thank you.
I omitted many people from my life in the last year, and gained a few as well. I broke someone's heart, and then got my heart broken. It's part of life. That which doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.
It's hard to say the best or worst thing that happened to me in the last 365 days. But, if I had to choose, I'd say that the worst would be that I questioned, then changed myself for someone else. I doubted my own instincts and allowed someone to make me look like a fool, not in their eyes, or anyone else's, except my own. That's the worst feeling in the world. I wish I could go back and change it. Take back the "I love you's" and the kisses, the hugs. The nights spent together when I could've been somewhere else, with someone else. But, I learned. And that's all that I can ask for. There's another not-so-great thing that happened as well. I seem to have lost contact with one of the only people in the world that was ever there for me without any questions asked, without a finger pointed, without making me feel like an ass, no matter what the situation. Her friendship came with unmatched understanding and compassion. I hate myself some days thinking about our lack of friendship now. I know that she'll always be there, and I hope to God that she knows that I am always here for her, and always will be. So, Heather, if you read this, I love you more than you'll ever know. As I've said before, the only good thing that ever came out of that hell-hole I used to work at was the fact that I met you. Thank you.
The best thing that's happened to me...well, that's questionable. I took a great trip to Florida with the Simms' and enjoyed myself immensely. I strengthened a few of my friendships, which is great. I found out a lot about myself. I realized that no matter how much I fight it, I indeed am a chick. I'm the whole package of girliness, complete with random wig-outs and emotions. I just handle it different than most. I'm "breezy" about it, as my mom would say. I'm not as open and honest about those emotions as I once thought I was. As it turns out, I can say exactly what needs to be said to everyone except the person I really should be saying it to. One day, I hope to overcome this.
As resolutions go, I re-nigged on all the one's I made last year (which now, I can't even remember).
So, here are my resolutions for this year:
1. Don't ever think that I'm not good enough. I am.
2. Lose another 50 pounds, and do it the RIGHT way. Not a diet, a lifestyle change. I've lost almost 100 lbs., so 50 should be easy. This is what I need to keep telling myself.
3. Strengthen myself. Not my muscles, but my soul.
4. Learn how to realize that it's OK to be wrong at times.
5. Take people for what they are worth, not what I'd like them to be worth. Don't think that people will change, or that I can personally change them. I can't. People are who they are, just as I am who I am.
6. (THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE TO ME) Be happy with me, in my own skin. Love myself just as I am. Don't try to change myself for anyone, for no one is worth that. I'm Mel. It's as simple as that. Love me, hate me. That's your perrogative. But, don't try to change me, for I will never try to change you.
So, this is my year in review. A thanks goes out to Tin-Can for getting my mental juices flowing with his entry. It made me think about my year as well. Thanks!! ;)
I hope that you get all you wanted out of this year as well. There's not one person I know who doesn't deserve all the happiness in the world. Even Vanessa, who I have a special note for: I hope that this year, you can be happy with you. For when you truely are, everything else will fall into place. I still think about you and I hope that all is well. Our friendship was one of the true disappointments of the last year. But, we can't change the past, and what's done is done. But, don't forget, I will always love you as the sister I remember. God bless.
Also, Alisha and Neil, I love the both of you more than life itself. You two make me a better and more complete self. Thank you.