(no subject)
Pooks leaves for 1.5 months in 5 hours. Overall, I am sad about it. It's weird to take a step back and realize he's my best friend.
***
But, OK. i've been watching six feet under and the one lady is turning into this sex addict who likes sex with strangers. and there was this scene where she had this inner dialogue about boundaries and how they exist only as much as you want them to, and it's fun to push them but scary to realize they don't have to be there.
and this louie guy who has his own show. i am starting to love him lots. how he expresses his relationship with his mother, his views on what sex is all about, and life and death. how he doesn't understand lesbianism and how murder is acceptable if no one else sees it. and race. it is so honest. and it comes off grouchy, and although he seems amoral, he is definitely a good guy who tries to treat humans with kindness.
i live in san francisco and sex is sex here. i didn't realize that my views on it have changed until a gay friend from the midwest visited and was terrified by how open people are.
i really appreciate when i can watch something or read something that expresses where i am. i've felt so quiet about my views, and it is refreshing when something as mainstream as FX has a show that really 'goes there'. and six feet under is kinda old, and it totally 'went there'. i just get excited when there is progress. and i think progress means that old people die. i just wonder what the youth will resent me for when i'm older.
***
six weeks. 6 weekends. three pay periods. sooo long. ugh. the last night i will go to bed and someone will be in it and hold me. it seriously helps me fall asleep.
i can't even grasp what the next 6 weeks will be. there's shit i just don't do for myself. i'm looking at this smoke detector that is maybe 15 - 20 feet in the air. if the battery starts to die it will beep constantly. how the hell am i supposed to change that? do i really have to go to the closet on the roof or in the basement (i don't even fucking know) to get the huge latter? it's so big and heavy D;
and i have to feed myself dinner. go to the grocery store?? cook? this is shit i can't even do anymore.
i hate this.
***
But, OK. i've been watching six feet under and the one lady is turning into this sex addict who likes sex with strangers. and there was this scene where she had this inner dialogue about boundaries and how they exist only as much as you want them to, and it's fun to push them but scary to realize they don't have to be there.
and this louie guy who has his own show. i am starting to love him lots. how he expresses his relationship with his mother, his views on what sex is all about, and life and death. how he doesn't understand lesbianism and how murder is acceptable if no one else sees it. and race. it is so honest. and it comes off grouchy, and although he seems amoral, he is definitely a good guy who tries to treat humans with kindness.
i live in san francisco and sex is sex here. i didn't realize that my views on it have changed until a gay friend from the midwest visited and was terrified by how open people are.
i really appreciate when i can watch something or read something that expresses where i am. i've felt so quiet about my views, and it is refreshing when something as mainstream as FX has a show that really 'goes there'. and six feet under is kinda old, and it totally 'went there'. i just get excited when there is progress. and i think progress means that old people die. i just wonder what the youth will resent me for when i'm older.
***
six weeks. 6 weekends. three pay periods. sooo long. ugh. the last night i will go to bed and someone will be in it and hold me. it seriously helps me fall asleep.
i can't even grasp what the next 6 weeks will be. there's shit i just don't do for myself. i'm looking at this smoke detector that is maybe 15 - 20 feet in the air. if the battery starts to die it will beep constantly. how the hell am i supposed to change that? do i really have to go to the closet on the roof or in the basement (i don't even fucking know) to get the huge latter? it's so big and heavy D;
and i have to feed myself dinner. go to the grocery store?? cook? this is shit i can't even do anymore.
i hate this.