Somebody invent cigarettes that are filled with vitamin C. And that don't cause cancer. And smell like rainbows and sunshine.
Seriously, I understand that this whole pancreatitis and no gallbladder thing is my fault, due to hard living and poor decisions while in the first half of my twenties. I am cognitively aware that cigarettes cause cancer and fuck with my pancreas and blood sugar, to say nothing of the smell and financial cost.
Now, I say that I am cognitively aware of all this. Emotionally, however, I am needy and cranky and completely convinced that having a cigarette right now will fill me with joy and pleasure the likes of which one normally does not see outside the bedroom.
Basically, I have a very addictive nature - right now, being as how alcohol, fat, sugar, and tobacco will all cause me great amounts of stress, I'm gunning coffee - and
the_lucky_nun pretty much has to keep an eye out for me. Yes, I suck.