Life Lessons
At this point, it's all about me. I'm the only one who can treat myself as I deserve to be treated. People lie, break friendships under their own personal strains. It sounds selfish, yes, but I guess we all have a right to be selfish once in a while. And I have a right to be selfish now, too. I've been trying too hard to hold on to my friends; some of my close friends who I care about a lot, but I've realized something. They don't care about me. When people you don't even know will ask you what's wrong, something is wrong with your friendship. I'm not going to clear any guilt for something I didn't do. I'm sick of playing that game. I'm sick of telling people that "It's all ok," because I know that's a load of crap.
I got a phone call this week from one of my friends I haven't talked to in a long time. She's going through some tough times. I was the first person she called about some serious shit she's been dealing with (and I mean serious) and I started to realize something else. When your teachers and friends are saying you're not all there, that you need to get your heart back, you gotta listen to them, especially when you've been getting jerked around and the person you cared about the most could give two shits less. Nobody deserves that, including me. Nobody deserves to be hurt by their friends either. What kind of friends are those? What kind of friends follow through with something they know is going to hurt you? What kind of friends don't stand up for what they believe in or stand by their words? The kind of friends that treat you like you shouldn't be treated.
As for me, I need to get back to being alive. I've missed this feeling for a long time. I think it's finally back. And I'm not going to sit here and say everything's fine because it's not. This whole damn situation is screwed up. I'm not happy with things and I have every right to be. But I also have a responsiblity to myself and to everyone else to live.
Choices and values have been made this week. Why should I choose people that don't choose me? I value myself and so do other people. I owe it to myself to treat myself and my heart right.
I got a phone call this week from one of my friends I haven't talked to in a long time. She's going through some tough times. I was the first person she called about some serious shit she's been dealing with (and I mean serious) and I started to realize something else. When your teachers and friends are saying you're not all there, that you need to get your heart back, you gotta listen to them, especially when you've been getting jerked around and the person you cared about the most could give two shits less. Nobody deserves that, including me. Nobody deserves to be hurt by their friends either. What kind of friends are those? What kind of friends follow through with something they know is going to hurt you? What kind of friends don't stand up for what they believe in or stand by their words? The kind of friends that treat you like you shouldn't be treated.
As for me, I need to get back to being alive. I've missed this feeling for a long time. I think it's finally back. And I'm not going to sit here and say everything's fine because it's not. This whole damn situation is screwed up. I'm not happy with things and I have every right to be. But I also have a responsiblity to myself and to everyone else to live.
Choices and values have been made this week. Why should I choose people that don't choose me? I value myself and so do other people. I owe it to myself to treat myself and my heart right.