Truely an alcoholic of the hopeless variety.
It has been a while since I've updated, but here goes nothing. Last week I was in a funk. I wouldn't call it depression, but more like frustation at myself. It got to it's worse on Thursday. I haven't seen Vivi since she got out of residence which at that point was like two weeks. That week I tried as hard as I could to get a hold of her short of going to the meetings I figured she would go to. However, that day Dave talked to her and she was going to go drink coffee with them after her meeting which was at 8:30. I was feeling like shit the whole week and it all piled up that day. I showed up to the meeting that I thought she would be at and she didn't show up. That is how I usually work with her. I set up some unstated expectation with her and she never fails to dissapoint. So, I know it doesn't make much sense, but I guess I was just looking to feel bad. I made plans with Krysti to go dancing, but for some reason she thought I was going with a bunch of people. So, when I got all the way to Boca through traffic feeling like absolute shit, and dressed really well, only to find out that Krysti wasn't going to go to take some guy home to plantation. We talked a little about how she puts other people before her self. I imagine it comes from her seeking approval from her dad all her life and never getting it. So she has to seek approval from guys by doing anything for them. She needs to start getting approval from herself by treating herself well, and to watch who she gives her kindness to. All of that analyziation is just a deflection from myself. I wanted to get the fuck out of myself, and dance with my impossible dream girl so that my self-worth would rise a little. I was completely blind-sided by the situation. I was at yet another cross-road: Go to Flaunt by myself or go home. I decided to surrender and go home. I had a nice conversation with Lauren, and after that I had a sense of Serenity. Everything was going to be alright.
Friday I woke up pretty happy. I remembered that I met the manager of Express and he told me to come in. I had realized that I had done what I could as far as hanging out with Vivi, and that the ball is in her court. I no longered worried about it, and I was kind of happy. However, Friday nights are kind of bad anyways because I am use to going out. Now I no longer do that, so I get restless. I went to sleep in a bad mood. I don't remember what the hell I did on Saturday, but I remember watching American pyscho with Dave and going to sleep pissed off at him. The next morning Niel came to pick up Dave for his BBQ and mentioned that he left his big book in his car. Dave says in a very I don't care kind of way that it is my book. I expressed that I thought it was rude that he would take my stuff and leave it somewhere. He then he through a soda can at me. I wasn't going to let him get away with such an outburst so I called the house owner and she was outraged.
This is getting a little long so I'll sum up the till present time. I hung out with Peck and Rachel and had a wonderful time talking about sex stuff and Taladega nights. I got back on Monday a little late for a meeting. Kiddo was there. It seems that since I surrendered her that the spirit of the universe knew I could handle seeing her without having an emotional breakdown. I've seen her every night since. Dave and I talked and he moved out of my room. I've been dealing with school people all week, and I've staled on my progree, but I am doing everything possible. I just have to wait. As far as job is concerned I am waiting till school is taken care of first. After those two things are set up, I can look for a roommate and an aparment.
I'll try to update more consistantly to avoid these long entries in the future.
Friday I woke up pretty happy. I remembered that I met the manager of Express and he told me to come in. I had realized that I had done what I could as far as hanging out with Vivi, and that the ball is in her court. I no longered worried about it, and I was kind of happy. However, Friday nights are kind of bad anyways because I am use to going out. Now I no longer do that, so I get restless. I went to sleep in a bad mood. I don't remember what the hell I did on Saturday, but I remember watching American pyscho with Dave and going to sleep pissed off at him. The next morning Niel came to pick up Dave for his BBQ and mentioned that he left his big book in his car. Dave says in a very I don't care kind of way that it is my book. I expressed that I thought it was rude that he would take my stuff and leave it somewhere. He then he through a soda can at me. I wasn't going to let him get away with such an outburst so I called the house owner and she was outraged.
This is getting a little long so I'll sum up the till present time. I hung out with Peck and Rachel and had a wonderful time talking about sex stuff and Taladega nights. I got back on Monday a little late for a meeting. Kiddo was there. It seems that since I surrendered her that the spirit of the universe knew I could handle seeing her without having an emotional breakdown. I've seen her every night since. Dave and I talked and he moved out of my room. I've been dealing with school people all week, and I've staled on my progree, but I am doing everything possible. I just have to wait. As far as job is concerned I am waiting till school is taken care of first. After those two things are set up, I can look for a roommate and an aparment.
I'll try to update more consistantly to avoid these long entries in the future.