being to emo
the truth is I have finally come to realize that i dont think i will find love and i trully thank my best friend for telling me that she will come. I am still at a doubt i am crying right now typing this out tring to get this to say something of my mind. its just love seems and has seemed to always leave me when ever i feel it getting to be good. and well now my g/f told me "i love" but the sad thing is i dont love her back and she knows it. i dont knwo what to do for i am listening to this very sad song that was sent to me by a friend you know who you are.its just not fair i am going to fall apart. i want to be the perfcet guy i want to be the best that there ever was but i seme to just fall into the same line as the ass before or i just dont seem to be good at all. i always seem to run short. i am so close to once again beat in my wall or break something just to lose this pain in my heart. i want to fall in love yes with that one girl but who doesnt want to fallin love with the right person. i just dont know where she is i would go find her or true to be with her but i htink i would just end up ruining me life and end with the wrong people. the girl will find me hopefully or at least i hope so *tear* i dont know anymore Dont tell me your sorry and that she will come i wont believe you just tell me to keep going not that your sorry. I usually say i have the largeest selfesteem ever and that it will never be bought down well here it is, when it comes to love i am the lowest of all for i have been in love in true love but it failed both times either they didnt love me and left me or she just realized i wasnt ready for her yet. i have changed i have worked hard, i have even gone to hell and back not that anyone cares but i have. for we all know which is hell in our own worlds and well i am a true fuck up and now i cry in redemption not to god and not go the devil i cry to all of you i have hurt or have never even given a chance. if you really want the truth i'm an emo boy who doesnt cut him self to lose the pain i just find more then i break my hand or my knuckles on trees, sand, walls, poles, punching bags are fun also, and even pathement its just who i am let my damage finally and trully tell you who i am.this is the first time i have even got up and said "look how fucked up i am" and yet no one will believe me for you all just say jason my problems are worse. well they probably are doesnt mean i dontk now what its like at that one stage, i am fucked up to and i do know it and well this is my glass face of emotion that i show you all, its a happy face of great self esteem but take a look at my pain on the inside and you will see that i am no more different then a little kid misunderstood who finally crys and just opens up to the world. i hope you all just just say wow and not care or worry because i have delt with it before i just need a good weekend of jack daniels up at the cabin with no one but myself in the woods where i can go and screem out my pain in a song or just so loud that the earth feels my sorrow.
i should really do my homework i wish i could have turned that in for work would have got an A for Asshole or just one plain fuck up so just go on read it well but i will die alone but it wont be your fault just like its not mine.
i should really do my homework i wish i could have turned that in for work would have got an A for Asshole or just one plain fuck up so just go on read it well but i will die alone but it wont be your fault just like its not mine.