If it hurt then it was for me
its been like forever since i have left a journal, though it makes me sad to say this isnt any happy then not leaving one. so its hard to say it cause i said i wouldnt but i have been crushed and i fear the end is coiming for me and sarah. we have gone on a break and to really say that well it hurts cause it has been this long or feels like this long and now i am going to be crushed again. its not that we dont love each other its just that her has been having these second thoughts about what ifs(what if him and i were to work out thing) which hurts to say it i was up all night crying when we finally talked about it when she came to bed last night. she feels bad that this is happening to us which shows that she cares but it hurts just that bad that i just want to cry all over again when we kind of say something that makes us go ehhh or ummmm like that thoughts of us not holding eachother hurts and you know it hurts me so much more cause i dont want to lose her but it feels like i am going to which means i would have to restart with someone else and that hurts cause i dont want to. i know that if her and i did break up then i would become that one guy that i didnt like anymore i would end up being him again until i broke down and cried for being such a fuck up. well this is how this journal ends i hope that her and i dont drift further from what we are right now and i hope we get closer and get to be happier then before.
always Jason
always Jason