no more shit
ok long time no real updates bsides the baseball shit we are 12-7 but tha doesnt matter ne more im having one of those "hard days" yet its rele a yr or two jst not feeling like myself different ppl different friends different attitude i got masso as a friend to look to kno hes crazy on a board but has no heart wen it comes to big shit or its the
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i remember way back when when we hated eachother...well i didnt really HATE u..i just...strongly disliked u..heh
and u used to through icy snowballs at me and i got bruises so my mom thought someone was rapping me or beating me up..hah..beat me up...o please..
well, i stated that because u never know whos there and whos not. i know we dont talk much anymore...hey we r both busy, my trying to pass junior yr..and u with baseball and most likely trying to do as well as u can in school. To me your not a disapointment. no one in this life is a disapointment ever, they have ups and downs, u kno highs and lows. When your on a a low, it seems like ur a dispointment cuz u compare it to ur highs and then u go "what the fuck?!?!?". its not like that realy, there r lots of ppl lower then u r, uv just gotta learn to pick urself up off of the floor and keep on going.
u kno..i got this enlish sat prep teacher..u probly read this in my lj....she failed high school, moved to cali- got to kno the red hot chilli peppers personaly, married greg- the lead singer of bad religion, then dated the bassist from the foo fighters...then we went to a community college..figuring what the hell y not,...ended up graduating from yale.
moral- theres always another chance...just live your fucking life! (as she said)
and if it seems bad now, it could get worse or it could get better. you kno me, very well actualy, i tried oding again, took half a bottle of advil..personaly i think i got internal bleeding from it..and so does my mom but we dont dare go to a doc cuz they'll fucking put me right back in 4 winds. well the day after i did it i met that sat teacher- it was like a heaven sent..and she said something to me that was interesting "why do teens in highschool try suicide, y do ppl try it in general. if u do bad in school, well, do something else, or try harder. if relationships suck, just know u'll always find better.kids these days need more hope." u may say ahh..shes so optimistic..whatever..but for some reason, someone like her who went thro the down and out..and can still say all that..gives me hope.
dan, im always there for you, even in 20 yrs if u need it and i dont kno u, just knock on my door..and u kno uv got help, and i do stand behind u all the way it whatever u want to do- other then die, because atleast I KNO that uv got lots of potential for anything u want, and u r attractive- i dont have a srush or anything - just kno when guys r hot and when they r not- and ur hot...an di kno other ppl feel the same way- girls r all the same whether they admit it or not.idk about other ppl, i kno there r ppl who do care...idk about newts or phil...god phil is to me a 'disapointment'. he got a gf, and good grades..and all that...probly lots of 'friends'..but where did we all go? his "best friends", he told his grams and aunt that me and u were his best friends...its funy how we're gone and out of the pic.
that night we hung out i asked him to give me a call...and hes like "ofcourse i still remember ur number, id never forget your number". but somehow he never called...and well..i guess that says alot.(gf's should never take priority over friends, just as bfs never should) as u said i wonder what ppl would do if i vanished...i wonder what they'd say if i died and they were at my funeral...
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