Meant to Be (9/?) Sam/Janet femslash
"I've run the tub for you honey," Janet told Sam as she came downstairs. "You go up, have a nice hot soak. I'll make dinner while Cass goes to Mrs Kominsky's to get Angus, okay Cass?"
Cassie nodded enthusiastically. "Okay Mom," she said agreeably. "What time do you need me back?" she knew that their neighbor Ella Kominsky would likely keep her talking for a while and, in truth, she enjoyed the tales that her elderly friend told. Somehow she seemed to understand instinctively that Cassie sometimes felt an 'outsider', and never asked her any difficult questions. Cassie felt comfortable with Mrs Kominsky.
"'bout half an hour?" Janet replied.
"Okay," Cassie said again. She was half way to the door when she turned and ran back into the room, giving Sam an impulsive hug. "It's real good to have you back, Sam," she said.
"It's good to be back, Cass," Sam said with feeling. "I missed you."
Cassie ran out of the door, and Sam turned to Janet. "I missed you too," she said softly. She took Janet in her arms and kissed her tenderly.
Janet reached up and touched Sam's still-inflamed cheek. "I missed you too, sweetie," she said. She felt Sam shiver involuntarily. "You should get in the tub," she instructed. "The water's real hot. I know you're still feeling the cold, baby," she said. "It won't last much longer, I swear to you."
Sam kissed her again. "See you soon," she smiled as she headed toward the stairs.
It was nearly half an hour later that Sam descended the stairs. "Something smells good," she smiled as she entered the kitchen.
"Chicken," Janet said. "It'll be ready in ten minutes. Come and sit down a while," she took her by the hand and pulled her into the living room.
Sam saw the roaring wood fire and smiled fondly at her lover. "You lit the fire," she said.
"I thought it would help to keep you warm," Janet said gently.
"But it's July!" Sam grinned. "The neighbors will think we've gone crazy."
Janet pushed her onto the big armchair just near the fire. "I think they already knew that," she smiled. She knelt at Sam's feet. "How are you doin' sweetheart?" she asked.
"Great," Sam said in a loving voice.
"Warm enough?" Janet asked.
"Yeah," Sam shifted in the chair. "I'll be even warmer if you sit with me awhile," she smiled, pulling her firmly onto her lap. "Kiss me," she begged, running one hand through Janet's hair.
= = =
Sam and Janet broke apart at the sound of barking. Janet laughed, and rested her forehead against Sam's. "Family's back," she grinned.
"Hold that thought," Sam ran one hand appreciatively over Janet's full breast. "I'm gonna show you later just how much I missed you," she winked seductively.
"Were you two kissing again?" Cassie asked as she came in the room a few minutes later, preceded by a very excited Angus who jumped into Sam's lap and started licking her face frenziedly.
"Yeah," Sam replied happily. "We were."
Cassie grinned. "Cool," she said. "Angus missed you too Sam," she said, as the puppy continued to wriggle joyfully in Sam's lap, licking and nuzzling her.
"Ya think?" Sam laughed. "I missed you too, 'gus," she kissed his soft fur.
= = =
"What are 'concentrating camps'?" Cassie asked Sam as she tucked her into bed that evening.
Sam's face darkened. "Where did you hear that?" she asked Cassie.
"Mrs Kominsky," Cassie replied. "She says her husband Lionel was in one when he was a kid. Said that's why he was always so optimistic afterwards, it made him appreciate life more. Were they awful places Sam?"
Sam tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "They were terrible," she said in a quiet voice. "They were the worst. Concentration camps, Cass, not concentrating. I didn't know that about Mr Kominsky."
"So what were they?" Cassie insisted.
Sam took a deep breath. "They were something we must never forget, and we must never allow anything like that to happen again," she said. "Remember your history lessons with Daniel?"
Cassie nodded.
"Well during the Second World War, a very bad man was in charge of Germany in Europe," Sam spoke haltingly, wondering how to tell her daughter of the horrors of Auschwitz, Belsen and the like.
"Adolf Hitler?" Cassie said.
"That's right, honey, you've been listening well," Sam smiled. "He was a terrible person. He was scared of the Jews, and wanted to try and get rid of them altogether. So he tried to send every one to the concentration camps."
"To kill them?" Cassie sounded horrified.
"Ostensibly, no," Sam spoke carefully. "But in reality yes, Cass, an awful lot of people died there. Some from overwork, starvation, sickness. And some... a lot...," she swallowed, "were put to death in chambers filled with gas."
Cassandra paled. "Hitler sounds like Nirr'ti," she said.
"He was, honey. Just like her. Millions of Jews died. And not just Jews either, other people who Hitler didn't feel should be allowed to live. Handicapped people. People with mental illnesses. Gays. But mostly Jews."
"He died, right?" Cassie asked. "Hitler?"
"He did, Cass. He killed himself when he realized he wasn't going to win the war. He was a sick man really, honey. But he was powerful too."
"Mrs Kominsky says that her husband was 17 when he got out of the camp," Cassie said. "And that he decided he wasn't going to let it ruin his life. So he came to America, and that's when he met her, when he was 19 and she was 18. They had been together for over fifty years when he died. That's amazing, isn't it Sam?"
Sam nodded, tears threatening to spill over, as she contemplated the bravery of her daughter. "It is, Cass. It just shows that whatever we see, however terrible it is, we can still try and get our lives back, and enjoy ourselves. Like Mr Kominsky; he enjoyed himself, didn't he?"
"Yeah," Cassie smiled. "Mrs Kominsky says he was real funny. He was always joking and being silly. Sam?" she asked, tentatively.
"Yeah sweetie?" Sam replied.
"Does Mrs Kominsky know about me?" Cassie asked.
"She knows we adopted you," Sam told her. "And that your family died. Why Cass? Did she say something?"
Cassie shook her head. "No," she said slowly, "it's not that. It just seemed to me that... maybe she told me about Mr Kominsky so's I'd know that things can get better after something awful happens. I think she wanted me to understand that I can still have fun."
Sam pulled her daughter into a tight hug. "She likely was, sweetie, and she's right. You've had to see things that nobody should ever have to see. You had to watch as your parents and Simeon died," Sam referred to Cassie's older brother. "Nobody should have to see that," she tried to stop her voice from cracking. "But we love you so much, Cass. Me and Janet. You mean as much to us as if one of us had given birth to you. We're gonna do everything to make sure that you have a great life, with lots of love, and friends, and laughter. Things do get better Cassie, truly they do."
Cassie reveled in the warmth of Sam's hug. "I know they do," her voice was muffled in Sam's front. "I'm real happy with you and Mom. I will always miss them, but I'm happy here."
"That's great," Sam pulled back so that she could look deep into Cassie's eyes. "We're always here, if you need anything, or if you're ever worried. Any time. You can wake us up if you need to. We're gonna protect you, I swear."
= = =
"You were a long time," Janet handed Sam a glass of wine as she descended the stairs. "Is everything okay?"
Sam took the glass and kissed Janet tenderly on the mouth. "I think so," she said. "That poor kid's been through so much," her eyes glittered with emotion. She took Janet's hand in her own. "She's sleeping now," she said in response to the unasked question she saw in Janet's face.
"Come, sit," Janet said gently, and guided Sam to the large cushions she had placed right in front of the fire. "Let me hold you," she encouraged Sam to lie on the cushions, so that her head was in Janet's lap, while Janet sat on the floor, leaning against the armchair. Janet ran her fingers lightly through Sam's hair. "You warm enough baby?" she asked in a quiet voice after a few minutes.
"Yeah," Sam replied. "S'great," she said, snaking one arm round Janet's waist. "I never thought I'd be warm again. "I thought I might never see you again," her grip on Janet tightened. "I've never been so happy as when I saw your face."
"Ditto," Janet replied.
= = =
Sobbing uncontrollably, Cassandra detached herself from O'Neill and flung her arms around Janet's neck.
"Cass?" Janet tried to keep her voice as gentle as possible. "What is it baby? Uncle Jack says you're real upset. Try and take deep breaths, Cass, slow and even. That's it," she said, rubbing her daughter's back reassuringly. "That's it. You're doin' good. Think you can tell me what's upset you? We'll fix it honey, I swear to you. There, that's good," she said as Cassie's breathing became less panicked. "Can I get a warm blanket here?" she called out quietly to an orderly. "Okay, sweetie, in your own time. Try and relax."
"You can't fix it," Cassie finally managed to gasp out.
"Just tell me sweetie," Janet's voice remained calm.
"She's a Goa'uld," Cassie whispered. "Sam. She's a Goa'uld."
Janet felt as though iced water had been tipped down her spine, and she could have sworn her heart stopped. "How d'you know that?" she asked, trying to sound calm.
"I could tell. And her eyes flashed. And she was mean. Sam's never mean, Mom, is she?" Cassie looked in her mother's face desperately.
"No, sweetie, you're right, she's never mean. It's okay," Janet looked urgently at O'Neill. "We'll fix it. We will. Whatever we have to do, we'll fix it. We'll get her back. Won't we Sir?" she asked, trying not to betray the desperation she felt.
"We will, Doc," O'Neill said. "Whatever it takes. Somehow we'll get her back."
= = =
"Oh God," Janet's voice was tiny. "The Goa'uld looks like it's dying and taking Sam with it. Try another milligram of epi. Then prepare for defib. Come on Sam. Come on baby, we need you. We all need you here. You have so much to live for," a single tear dripped unheeded down Janet's face and fell on Sam's cheek.
Sam's eyelids fluttered, and she forced them open. She tried to focus on the scene around her.
"You did it, Sam," O'Neill said, his relief betrayed in his rare use of Sam's first name. "You won."
"It wasn't me," Sam replied weakly. "The Goa'uld gave its life for me. It saved me," she was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. Relief that she was at last free from the alien that had held her hostage. Relief to be alive. Overwhelming grief at the loss of the life that had lived within her for three days. Guilt for still being alive. Terror at the memory of what had until a few moments ago been a reality. Pain, emotional and physical from the attack by the Ashrak. Horror at the fear she had inflicted on their daughter. At what Janet had been suffering since she had been taken over. "Oh God," she whispered, as her head began to swim. She tried to sit up, reaching out to Janet. "Jan?" she cried, the room spinning faster and faster. "I..." her eyes rolled to the back of her head.
Janet caught her as she slumped back on the bed. Even in her unconscious state, Sam was shaking. "She's in shock," Janet barked. "Raise her feet. Warm blankets. Now!" her fear made her sharp with her staff. "Shh," Janet whispered, cradling Sam's head. "It's all over baby. It's okay. We're gonna take care of you."
Sam moaned and her eyelids flickered again. Janet reached out and took her hand. "Don't try and move, or speak. You're in shock, baby," she told her. "Just stay still, we'll take care of you."
= = =
"It's been nearly four days, Daniel," Janet's voice was desperate. She had been trying to convince herself that Sam was okay, but, after her first few words, Sam hadn't spoken a single word. Despite regaining consciousness, she just lay in her bed, seemingly in the grip of a terrible depression. She had gotten up a few times to use the bathroom, and only remembered to take sips of water when coaxed by Janet. She only slept for around 20 minutes at a time, and always seemed to wake agitated. Earlier that day, she had reached out in her sleep and taken Janet's hand, pulling it to her, seemingly comforted by it. For the first time she slept for just over an hour. But she still wouldn't talk, and wouldn't eat. The fever she had suffered for the first two days, and which Janet attributed to the reabsorption of the symbiote into her body, had finally dissipated. But the depression remained. Janet was starting to worry about the amount of weight she was losing, so she started her on IV nutrition.
= = =
"Mom said the Goa'uld left after it died," Cassie said to Daniel and O'Neill, as they all kept a vigil outside the traumatized captain's room.
"Well that's right," Daniel replied. "It died and her body's absorbing it. She's the same old Samantha Carter. Same person we've always known," he tried to reassure her.
"She's just a little sad right now," O'Neill said. "But I'll bet she cheers right up when she sees you," he smiled encouragingly.
Cassie was tentative as she entered Sam's room. Sam was huddled on her side, in a fetal position, as if to block out any visitors. Undaunted, Cassie climbed on the bed. She put a gentle hand on Sam's shoulder, and was reassured to feel the warmth through the infirmary gown. "Sam," she said. "It's me. You're going to be okay. We can all get better after something awful happens. Remember Mr Kominsky. We love you Sam. We need you. It's going to be okay."
Sam looked up at her daughter through a veil of tears. She couldn't believe she needed an eleven-year-old to remind her of what really mattered. "Okay," she whispered, taking Cassie's hand. "Okay, Cass. We'll all be okay."
Cassie smiled, and squeezed her hand gently. "We love you Sam," she said.
"I love you too," Sam said, her voice hoarse from lack of use. "So much. Where's your Mom?"
Janet stepped forward from behind. "I'm right here, Sam," she said.
"M'sorry," Sam whispered. "I love you Jan."
"I know," Janet leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you too Sam. It's okay. We're all okay," she said.
"All okay," Sam repeated, as her eyes closed.
"Sleep honey," Janet said. "We'll be here when you wake."