"you're not who i thought you were"..."neither are you" :)
i'm so comfortable right now. i'm in my warm and comfy bed with my lights off, ready for bed, just winding down. i woke up today and had a cereal and muffin for breakfast. i finished some reading before i got ready and made the trek across campus in the bitter cold to my 1:00 class. when that was over around 2:20 i walked over to my 3:00 with dr. taylor. we didn't really have any lecture today - he talked about nothing for a bit, talked about the test which is online and i called him out which was fun, and then we left around 3:20. when i got home, i started my news release for media writing, did some reading for adv 475 and got a few other things done. 35 cent wings at bdubs tonight...katy, sophie and i were on our way out then collin decided to join! good times. meg and i went and saw Catch and Release...which was amazing...and actually what i think prompted my journal entry tonight.
movies always make me think...and even if things don't directly relate to my life, i always end up thinking about a million things in my life in some way, shape or form. Gray's (Jennifer Garner) fiancee in the movie died...and the main characters in the movie are Gray and her/her fiancee's friends. I can never hear or see or think about friends dying without immediately thinking of John. It will be a year this month and although it's gotten easier, I don't know that I will ever be able to grasp it. I remember clear as day getting the phone call and just going through motions to get through the week until I could be at home. I know death isn't something to be afraid of but I still wish he was here - I just don't have enough words. I had to write an essay for a scholarship about a learning experience and I just think it describes what I think pretty well... My eyes will never be dry when I think about it, my heart will never recover from such a tragedy, and my outlook on life will never be the same - I am forever changed. When my boyfriend, Brian, woke me up with a phone call on Saturday, February 18, I was not expecting my life to be dramatically changed. I answered and Brian said, “Hey. . .did you hear about John?” My reply was, “Um…well he is doing better…right?” The next thing I heard were the most heart-wrenching words ever spoken to me: “Sara, he passed away early this morning.” I instantly began sobbing and all I could do was hang up the phone and just sit and stare - this could not possibly be happening. John was not my best friend but he was a friend nevertheless. One week earlier John had been in a snowboarding accident and he hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital and was in a coma; but after a few days things seemed to be getting better, or so we thought. I have heard of young people dying and have heard tragic stories but never did I think something like this would happen to someone that I knew, whose family I knew, and to someone who loved life and embraced life so much. I have never seen so many people at a funeral, experienced something so sad in my life, or cried so many tears day after day. Through it all, I still think about John and he will never be forgotten; moreover, I have learned to value and cherish the people in my life with all that I have and wholeheartedly.
My friends (this includes my family) mean the world to me, and without all of the people in my life I would never have what I have, be able to feel the things I feel, or even simply be who I am today. I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the relationships that I do. I value my family relationships, friendships formed in my childhood and through high school, and the strong bonds I have formed with friends I have known only since coming to Michigan State. I wish it would not have taken such a tragic experience to make me really look at my life and my relationships and realize how lucky I am just to be alive and doing all the things that I do everyday. Each person who I have come in contact with in my life, whom I have had some kind of relationship with has impacted me and left a part of them with me. Everywhere we go, we take a little bit of each other with us. I love when someone says “You sound like ‘so-and-so’ when you say that” - it just goes to show that people impact us without us even taking notice.
I have changed dramatically, for the better I would like to think, in my time spent at Michigan State; and I owe it to the amazing people I have met, both the ones I now call my friends and the ones that were only in my life for a short amount of time. It is by no means an easy thing to do but I hope that I am able to express to my friends, in one way or another, how much they mean to me and the impact that they have had on my life. It may sound overly sentimental but who honestly does not like to know that they are important in a friend’s life? I do not need to go around professing my love for all of my friends through long letters and deep proclamations, but simple gestures of kindness, kind words, showing appreciation, and phone calls just to say “hi” are only a few ways to let them know that I care. There is no waiting for a “perfect time” because there is no such thing - the “perfect time” is all the time. I can do this everyday, every time I see a friend because who knows when everything could change. I am so lucky to be alive, to be able to embrace life, and to have the beautiful relationships that I have. There is no greater lesson in the world than this lesson I have learned: we must love everything in life, for only then can we truly be happy and embrace the moments worth living for - it is then that we will realize that every moment is one of these moments especially when you are in the company of a friend.
F**CK...I JUST HAD A HALF HOUR OR SO MORE WORTH OF WRITING AFTER THIS AND IT GOT DELETED! DAMN IT!
so i guess since i can't re-invent everything i just wrote because i want to sleep now...just insert everything great i just wrote about how cool it is that people can surprise you, they can be something completely different than you had ever imagined and it's so cool, trusting people is amazing, it's weird how you can be with someone for a long time and barely know them or know them so well that you are blinded not only of them but of stuff about yourself...
ugggggh....maybe i'll re-write some of what i was thinking tomorrow...grrr...
'nite...
movies always make me think...and even if things don't directly relate to my life, i always end up thinking about a million things in my life in some way, shape or form. Gray's (Jennifer Garner) fiancee in the movie died...and the main characters in the movie are Gray and her/her fiancee's friends. I can never hear or see or think about friends dying without immediately thinking of John. It will be a year this month and although it's gotten easier, I don't know that I will ever be able to grasp it. I remember clear as day getting the phone call and just going through motions to get through the week until I could be at home. I know death isn't something to be afraid of but I still wish he was here - I just don't have enough words. I had to write an essay for a scholarship about a learning experience and I just think it describes what I think pretty well... My eyes will never be dry when I think about it, my heart will never recover from such a tragedy, and my outlook on life will never be the same - I am forever changed. When my boyfriend, Brian, woke me up with a phone call on Saturday, February 18, I was not expecting my life to be dramatically changed. I answered and Brian said, “Hey. . .did you hear about John?” My reply was, “Um…well he is doing better…right?” The next thing I heard were the most heart-wrenching words ever spoken to me: “Sara, he passed away early this morning.” I instantly began sobbing and all I could do was hang up the phone and just sit and stare - this could not possibly be happening. John was not my best friend but he was a friend nevertheless. One week earlier John had been in a snowboarding accident and he hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital and was in a coma; but after a few days things seemed to be getting better, or so we thought. I have heard of young people dying and have heard tragic stories but never did I think something like this would happen to someone that I knew, whose family I knew, and to someone who loved life and embraced life so much. I have never seen so many people at a funeral, experienced something so sad in my life, or cried so many tears day after day. Through it all, I still think about John and he will never be forgotten; moreover, I have learned to value and cherish the people in my life with all that I have and wholeheartedly.
My friends (this includes my family) mean the world to me, and without all of the people in my life I would never have what I have, be able to feel the things I feel, or even simply be who I am today. I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the relationships that I do. I value my family relationships, friendships formed in my childhood and through high school, and the strong bonds I have formed with friends I have known only since coming to Michigan State. I wish it would not have taken such a tragic experience to make me really look at my life and my relationships and realize how lucky I am just to be alive and doing all the things that I do everyday. Each person who I have come in contact with in my life, whom I have had some kind of relationship with has impacted me and left a part of them with me. Everywhere we go, we take a little bit of each other with us. I love when someone says “You sound like ‘so-and-so’ when you say that” - it just goes to show that people impact us without us even taking notice.
I have changed dramatically, for the better I would like to think, in my time spent at Michigan State; and I owe it to the amazing people I have met, both the ones I now call my friends and the ones that were only in my life for a short amount of time. It is by no means an easy thing to do but I hope that I am able to express to my friends, in one way or another, how much they mean to me and the impact that they have had on my life. It may sound overly sentimental but who honestly does not like to know that they are important in a friend’s life? I do not need to go around professing my love for all of my friends through long letters and deep proclamations, but simple gestures of kindness, kind words, showing appreciation, and phone calls just to say “hi” are only a few ways to let them know that I care. There is no waiting for a “perfect time” because there is no such thing - the “perfect time” is all the time. I can do this everyday, every time I see a friend because who knows when everything could change. I am so lucky to be alive, to be able to embrace life, and to have the beautiful relationships that I have. There is no greater lesson in the world than this lesson I have learned: we must love everything in life, for only then can we truly be happy and embrace the moments worth living for - it is then that we will realize that every moment is one of these moments especially when you are in the company of a friend.
F**CK...I JUST HAD A HALF HOUR OR SO MORE WORTH OF WRITING AFTER THIS AND IT GOT DELETED! DAMN IT!
so i guess since i can't re-invent everything i just wrote because i want to sleep now...just insert everything great i just wrote about how cool it is that people can surprise you, they can be something completely different than you had ever imagined and it's so cool, trusting people is amazing, it's weird how you can be with someone for a long time and barely know them or know them so well that you are blinded not only of them but of stuff about yourself...
ugggggh....maybe i'll re-write some of what i was thinking tomorrow...grrr...
'nite...