[Oneshot] The Pink Notebook (2/2)
Title: The Pink Notebook
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: Pg
Summary: Curiosity gets the better of Kyuhyun.
(Continued from Part 1)
The third opportunity is before him when Sungmin is out for filming and he is at home alone. He waves his hyung goodbye and waits a few moments after the front door shuts before he is bolting to their room and searching for that notebook he knows Sungmin left behind. (Why? He had no idea, but he didn’t really care as long as he gets to read more of its contents. Lately, his curiosity over this notebook has taken control of him… can you tell?)
He finds it hidden between the mattresses of Sungmin’s bed. He grins triumphantly and plops onto his bed as he flips to page two.
“Thursday,
The sun shines down brightly this morning, the start of a new day, a new beginning - fresh and crisp. One can only hope for a brand new day filled with new promises and new meetings, and possibly new loves. Right?
I wonder if he’s noticed me yet. It’s been… a while now, since we met. But, he still hasn’t seen me the way I want to be seen. I’m sure.
Just this morning, waking up to see his sleep filled eyes and that adorable look painting across his face as he eats his breakfast… I won’t trade anything for the moments with him. Not now… not ever…”
Kyuhyun frowns and bites his bottom lip in thought. So this person Sungmin is talking about… is someone in Super Junior? He must really adore this person it seems, to even focus on him thoughtfully even in the hectic mornings.
Something in Kyuhyun makes him feel like he is suffocating - an unknown force inside him. His frown deepens as he flips to the next page.
“Friday,
:D Happiness… how do you describe happiness?
To me, it’s when he smiles at me, or gives me a hug. And, as selfish as I might sound, when I’m the center of his attention. Happiness can’t be written down on a piece of paper, or expressed on a piece of paper. It has to be felt and you have to experience it.
Today, he was going over some songs with me over a glass of wine. His deep, rich voice still rings oh-so-clearly in my mind. All I can do is try not to be swooned and sigh with delight or pout with displeasure when he stops. It’s as if he takes me into another world altogether, just by his voice. How I wish I can hug him and inhale his intoxicating scent, or lean close and kiss those full lips.
But he doesn’t see me like that, I know. And I’m quite content as we are right now…
Happiness… one word can mean so much, doesn’t it?”
A surge of emotions rushes through Kyuhyun as he finishes reading the page. Never, would anyone guess, that Sungmin can A) write so poetically and well. And B) had such feelings for a fellow member. (Not that Kyuhyun had anything against that, it isn’t announced, but half the members are practically married to each other.)
But the one sentences in particular catches his attention, “Today, he was going over some songs with me over a glass of wine.”
A glass of wine? Kyuhyun licks his lips, a few weeks ago he and Sungmin had a glass of wine together, and they went over some songs for a radio at the same time. Something along the lines of excitement rises inside him but then doubt pushes it back down. His inner voice scoffs at him. You? Yeah right. You and Sungmin are just close friends and roommates.
Sungmin could’ve had a glass of wine with another member anytime. (The thought made Kyuhyun… feel weird. And he didn’t like it.) He shakes his head to clear his mind and skips a couple of pages.
“Tuesday,
Heartache. Do you know what it is? How to describe it?
It’s like having your heart pierced out of you with an arrow, then trampled on. Then filled with happiness again, to only have it thrown onto the ground and shatter into a million pieces and left there to cry.
Is there a medicine to make it go away?”
Kyuhyun’s eyes soften as he reads the last line. He never knew Sungmin ever felt like this… and he’s Sungmin’s roommate! He should’ve recognized things like this… right? But why didn’t he?
He falls onto his back and stares up to the ceiling. Sungmin is always wearing a smile, a happy cheerful grin that makes all your worries go away. But then it occurs to Kyuhyun… if Sungmin makes a person’s worry go away, who makes his go away?
With the question floating around in his head, Kyuhyun continues on, feeling somewhat distressed.
“Wednesday,
Make up can come in so many different ways.
There’s the make up ordinary people and celebrities use to make their appearances look better. To hide the blemishes, to enhance the colors of their eyes, cheeks or skin, or to simply have it on for the sake of “having make up on”.
But there’s also my term of “make-up”…
The “mask” hiding my true emotions and me, cause if I didn’t have my “make-up”, how would I face the world? How would I face him?
I smile for the sake of smiling and keeping others happy. I laugh for the sake of laughing and keeping others entertained. But most importantly, for the sake of keeping everyone worried, because if not for my “make-up” I wouldn’t be able to look at the world with a smile.
Can I tell you a secret?
Honestly, when I smile it isn’t real. Inside, I’m crying. I’m bawling and sobbing and thrashing with frustration. But if I actually did that, I would look unprofessional and just humiliate myself right? Also, the fact of worrying people plays a part too mind you. So I put on my “make-up” for those around me and mostly for him. Cause I know if he saw me crying and sad, he’ll be worried. And I wouldn’t want to worry him… and also because it’s because of him I’m so broken.
But I wouldn’t tell him. I have my “make-up” to protect him and me.
(It feels nice to write all this down… I’m glad I bought you.)”
Kyuhyun sits there, dazed and re-reading the page over and over. He shakes his head as his eyes widen slightly in shock. Sungmin… why doesn’t he say anything?
Sudden fury rises in him; he wanted to beat the guy who did this to his precious Sungmin.
Who has broken him, who is oblivious to Sungmin’s state.
Who is ignorant of Sungmin’s love.
Kyuhyun pauses. Wait. Did he just say, his precious Sungmin?!
Color paints his cheeks as he shakes his head. It was just a spur of the moment, he was just overwhelmed… yeah. That’s it.
His eyes fall to the page and he trails a finger down the paper and words. He felt guilty; for not realizing his hyung’s pain and sadness. And just how lyrically sad this is, left his heart feeling tight and distressed.
He flips to one of the last entrances of the notebook. Yesterdays.
“Monday,
^.^ We cuddled today. It drove me mad really; the urge of wanting to jump him and kiss those lips just above mine was torturous. But somehow, I managed to suppress the urge and focus on the movie that was playing.
But even through all these happy times, I still feel the spot where my heart should be, empty. Maybe I’m just being very selfish, but I want him all to myself and not share with anyone else.
He has to be mine, or else… I don’t know how I’m going to live.
But, being his friend and hyung like this is okay right? I’m still close to him… and I’m still number 1 on his speed dial… right?
(- 3- let’s get off his depressing topic.)
I might confess to him soon. I’m planning something big, something ‘wow’. But I just don’t want to scare him away… or be rejected. So that’s only holding me back from taking a step forward.
What happens when he doesn’t love me back? What happens… if he really does love someone else instead? (Heechul’s gossip is going around now… and I’m scared…)
I have other admirers… but I want him. Just him. Nobody else.
Want.
A small word can mean so much…”
Kyuhyun lets go the breath he was holding and analyzes Sungmin’s words.
His hyung must really love his person… whoever it was. Kyuhyun does a mental list in his head:
Leeteuk: No. Way. In. Hell.
Kangin: Who knows? But Kangin has someone… so he’s out.
Hankyung: You would never know what goes through his head.
Yesung: He’s married.
Heechul: -________-U
Eunhyuk: They are fairly intimate with each other… but then, where does Donghae stand? Is KiHae really?!
Donghae: Yeah… not unless the aliens or his fish said so.
Siwon: He’s whipped to Heechul.
Kibum: Sadly, he’s never around, so it’s hardly likely.
Shindong: He’s straight as an arrow. No joke.
Ryeowook: He is SO married.
Kyuhyun:……..
Kyuhyun contemplates his feelings. What if it was him? Just as a possibility. Then what would he do? Reject Sungmin? Accept him? Ignore him?
He frowns and licks his suddenly dry lips. Never has these thoughts invaded his mind before. Sure, he liked touching Sungmin. He liked the warm, comforting hugs, the gentle whispers, the occasionally handholding, the smiles, the laughter….
Kyuhyun grins as memories resurface, of him and Sungmin enjoying time alone together. Lost in thought, he doesn’t realize that the front door has opened and footsteps come to a halt at his door. He practically screams and jumps, the book flying onto the floor, as the door swings open and smiling Sungmin bounces in.
“Hey Kyuhyun-ah. What are doing by yourself-“ Sungmin’s voice trails off as he stares wide eyed at his precious notebook lying on the floor. Silence fills the air as Sungmin just continues to stare and Kyuhyun sits there, heart thumping madly and fidgeting nervously.
“You read it?” Sungmin breathes. Horrified. He avoids eye contact.
Kyuhyun scratches the back of his neck and nods slightly. Sungmin sees it and let’s out a shaky breath. Suddenly, he collapses onto the floor. And cries.
Silent tears running down pale cheeks, the warm brown orbs lifeless with grief.
“Hyung.” Kyuhyun says, worried. He rushes to the elder’s side, to only get brushed away.
“Out of all people… why’d you have to read it?” Sungmin says. Not really asking Kyuhyun, or anyone in particular.
“I-I’m sorry. I was… curious.” Kyuhyun stutters. He curses mentally. What a pathetic excuse.
Sungmin doesn’t answer but rather, wraps his arms around himself and buries his head in his arms. “Please… leave me alone. Just for tonight.” Came his muffled voice. Kyuhyun hesitates, but then the words of the notebook come to his mind: just how much Sungmin suffers in his shoulders by himself. Not letting anyone help or know his pain.
To Sungmin’s, and his, surprise he boldly picks Sungmin up from the ground, (Where he’s gotten the strength from, he doesn’t know. He hates to admit it, but he isn’t that strong.) And places the elder on his lap as they sit on the bed. He wraps his long arms around Sungmin shaking and startled form, and whispers gentle words of reassurance.
Sungmin calms down a while after, still in Kyuhyun’s embrace. Kyuhyun plays with Sungmin’s fingers, entwining them and such.
“Who do you admire so much hyung?” Kyuhyun asks softly, getting straight to the point. It wouldn’t hurt if he knew right? I mean, Kyuhyun can keep a secret.
Silence meets his question. As Kyuhyun is about to say more, Sungmin’s gentle lips prevent him from doing so. His eyes widen slightly in surprise, but he closes his eyes and enjoys the chaste touch of lips. His heart flutters wildly in his ribcage and when he pulls away, he tastes vanilla.
“If you read all… then you would’ve already known.” Sungmin whispers hoarsely. Kyuhyun’s bottom lips juts out slightly.
“I skipped a few.” He says regretfully. Sungmin breaks a small grin at the childish voice and antic.
“I understand if you don’t want to room with me anymore, I mean, I guess I’m a freak and weird and yeah, I’ll understand, so-“
Sungmin is cut off as this time; Kyuhyun places his lips over the elders. The kiss being longer and more passionate, uncertain tongues roaming in an unfamiliar territory.
“Firstly, I’m not letting anyone else room with you. Secondly, you are not a freak. Everything you wrote was poetic and beautiful, although some were very sad. And thirdly,” Kyuhyun gently places his forehead against Sungmin’s and peers into the glossy wide eyes. Those warm orbs strumming his heart like a harp. “, I never said I didn’t like you. You didn’t even ask.”
Sungmin blinks once. Then twice. Then a slow smile forms on those pink, lush lips. (Why Kyuhyun just notice how delicious they look, befuddles him.) No words are needed as Kyuhyun sees the happiness that Sungmin should’ve felt a long time ago paints across his delicate features. The elder sighs and wraps strong arms around Kyuhyun’s body, snuggling in face into Kyuhyun’s chest. The younger does the same and kisses the top of Sungmin’s head.
“You finally noticed me…” Sungmin mumbles into Kyuhyun’s shirt, kissing the younger males neck and jaw line.
Kyuhyun just smiles and places a warm, soft kiss on the lips once again.
Maybe… curiosity was a good thing.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A/N: - o- whew. It’s done. @_@ I usually write stories in one seating. But this one took me longer then I expected… and I still need to do my homework. Crap. Well, this was really… not what I was going to write. (xD I was going to write a Hospital AU… but this was written instead. Weird.) And I hate it when it says it’s too big to post. D< I don’t like splitting the stories…. Humf.
Well, hope you enjoyed. And it seems like all I write is KyuMin oneshots these days…. Not that I’m complaining of course. My OTP<3
Comments would be appreciated. No matter how suck-ish this one was. (SO many errors I bet. I’m going to check and fix them later. :P)