And now, a facebook rant
(lol at the first post I've made in ages being about a completely different social media site, but fuck it I can't do it there can I?)
Can it please be accepted that, if I have selected "not available to chat" then I am - and here I'd like to point out the ridiculousness of me needing to say this at all - NOT FUCKING AVAILABLE TO CHAT.
And indeed, if I NEVER, AT ANY TIME, AT ALL, EVER have "available to chat" selected, is it really so much to expect people to draw the conclusion that I, and here's the key point in all of this, NEVER WANT TO FUCKING CHAT.
If you message me, I'm not going to go "Oh, soandso wants to chat, how delightful, I shall respond quicksmart!"
No, I'm going to say "God fucking damn it you manipulative arsehole I have other things I want to be doing besides having to sit in front of my computer talking pointless unamusing bullshit with you friending you back was not an acceptance to be at your beck and call every time you get bored develop some fucking hobbies or try talking to one of the 6 billion people out there who don't fucking loathe chatting at least 96% of the time fuck off fuck off fuck oofffffff".
There are rare exceptions. I'll chat with glitterfairy25 because she's lovely and it's a convenient way to plan things. I've chatted with fandom friends in the past and enjoyed it, because there's a specific topic to talk about, as well as shared interests and hangouts. But facebook, as a place and a mode of relating and in the type of relationships I have with most people on there, wall posts are usually fine.
If I comment on someone's wall and they comment back straight away, and we proceed back and forth in real time for a while, that's okay. That can be a lot of fun. That I don't mind. Because there's no obligation there. There's generally a defined topic of conversation, and when we're both done, we stop. We continue on our way, having passed happily in the night.
You don't get that in chat. In chat it's like, by opening that little window down the bottom of the screen or going to the messages page, you've opted into some sort of contract. You're talking to this person and you have this whole tab open dedicated to it and you can't just leave, you have to make a proper fucking go of it and THAT'S NOT HOW I CARE TO DO BUSINESS. I hate chat because it only allows for shallow, pointess chatter that still somehow manages to be time consuming and demanding.
See, this is why LJ is still my favourite means of online communication. Facebook is good for little things, or for epic 150+ comment fests with your cousins, but there are far more terrible posts appearing on your wall than good ones, everything is very public to people you're varying levels of comfortable with, and there's no real longform in initial posts or responses.
Tumblr I still don't really get, especially from a communication POV. Reblogging to reply is silly, and there's a very particular language style people use there. Twitter can be fun, but, hi, character limit and if you want to reply to a specific tweet you can only really do it within a certain time frame before it becomes random.
But LJ, on LJ someone posts, long or short as they like, text, pictures, videos, silly, serious, whatever, and people respond. In their own time, with their own prefered length or language.
THAT'S what I like, and that's why I hate chat. If I'm listed on FB as not available to chat and someone still wants to talk to me, they they can just write a fucking post on my wall and wait until I am ready to reply to it. Or, send me a message asking me or pointing my attention to something specific. When people - especially people I barely know, who are married for christsakes and have closer friends than me, like the most recent chat happy person who brought this outburst on - private message me with a random little comment that is obviously a hope that I'll reply right away and we can chat, that is not only strange (married and I barely know them!), but makes me murderous. Even if we are good mates, I don't like being trapped in front of my computer having to talk to one person only right then and there. GO AWAY PEOPLE WHO LIKE FB CHATTING I AM NOT ONE OF YOU. I want to enter into communication on my own terms, not have communication thrust upon me.
And this, it occurs to me, is probably why I'm so bad at maintaining meaningful friendships. "GO AWAY WITH YOUR WANTING MY COMPANY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU I REFUSE TO MAKE TALKING TO ME EASY" is prob not helpful.
Can it please be accepted that, if I have selected "not available to chat" then I am - and here I'd like to point out the ridiculousness of me needing to say this at all - NOT FUCKING AVAILABLE TO CHAT.
And indeed, if I NEVER, AT ANY TIME, AT ALL, EVER have "available to chat" selected, is it really so much to expect people to draw the conclusion that I, and here's the key point in all of this, NEVER WANT TO FUCKING CHAT.
If you message me, I'm not going to go "Oh, soandso wants to chat, how delightful, I shall respond quicksmart!"
No, I'm going to say "God fucking damn it you manipulative arsehole I have other things I want to be doing besides having to sit in front of my computer talking pointless unamusing bullshit with you friending you back was not an acceptance to be at your beck and call every time you get bored develop some fucking hobbies or try talking to one of the 6 billion people out there who don't fucking loathe chatting at least 96% of the time fuck off fuck off fuck oofffffff".
There are rare exceptions. I'll chat with glitterfairy25 because she's lovely and it's a convenient way to plan things. I've chatted with fandom friends in the past and enjoyed it, because there's a specific topic to talk about, as well as shared interests and hangouts. But facebook, as a place and a mode of relating and in the type of relationships I have with most people on there, wall posts are usually fine.
If I comment on someone's wall and they comment back straight away, and we proceed back and forth in real time for a while, that's okay. That can be a lot of fun. That I don't mind. Because there's no obligation there. There's generally a defined topic of conversation, and when we're both done, we stop. We continue on our way, having passed happily in the night.
You don't get that in chat. In chat it's like, by opening that little window down the bottom of the screen or going to the messages page, you've opted into some sort of contract. You're talking to this person and you have this whole tab open dedicated to it and you can't just leave, you have to make a proper fucking go of it and THAT'S NOT HOW I CARE TO DO BUSINESS. I hate chat because it only allows for shallow, pointess chatter that still somehow manages to be time consuming and demanding.
See, this is why LJ is still my favourite means of online communication. Facebook is good for little things, or for epic 150+ comment fests with your cousins, but there are far more terrible posts appearing on your wall than good ones, everything is very public to people you're varying levels of comfortable with, and there's no real longform in initial posts or responses.
Tumblr I still don't really get, especially from a communication POV. Reblogging to reply is silly, and there's a very particular language style people use there. Twitter can be fun, but, hi, character limit and if you want to reply to a specific tweet you can only really do it within a certain time frame before it becomes random.
But LJ, on LJ someone posts, long or short as they like, text, pictures, videos, silly, serious, whatever, and people respond. In their own time, with their own prefered length or language.
THAT'S what I like, and that's why I hate chat. If I'm listed on FB as not available to chat and someone still wants to talk to me, they they can just write a fucking post on my wall and wait until I am ready to reply to it. Or, send me a message asking me or pointing my attention to something specific. When people - especially people I barely know, who are married for christsakes and have closer friends than me, like the most recent chat happy person who brought this outburst on - private message me with a random little comment that is obviously a hope that I'll reply right away and we can chat, that is not only strange (married and I barely know them!), but makes me murderous. Even if we are good mates, I don't like being trapped in front of my computer having to talk to one person only right then and there. GO AWAY PEOPLE WHO LIKE FB CHATTING I AM NOT ONE OF YOU. I want to enter into communication on my own terms, not have communication thrust upon me.
And this, it occurs to me, is probably why I'm so bad at maintaining meaningful friendships. "GO AWAY WITH YOUR WANTING MY COMPANY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU I REFUSE TO MAKE TALKING TO ME EASY" is prob not helpful.