(no subject)
I will never understand why the ABC keeps slotting in this Star Stories crap between series of the good shows on Wednesdays. Seriously, it's mindblowingly terrible. And it makes me sad to know that the kid from Muppet Treasure Island has become so... skeevy. Know what, bugger this. I'm gonna run up to the street and get some chewy (it's an addiction, you guys, seriously) before Tara starts. brb. *leaves*
*returns*
*turns on TV*
Perfect timing!
*blows bubble*
So hi. Got the Abnormal Psych essay in today, ON TIME. It wasn't actually finished, but I've been having so much despair with this thing hanging over my head I was not going to spend another day with the damn thing, so printed it at 4:52 and ran - actually ran, which I'm technically not supposed to do because I could, like, lose the feeling in my legs or something - it to the psych building. When I got there they'd pulled the roller door down already, and I almost freaking SOBBED. Went around the corner to the staff entrance and caught them leaving, because damn it, my phone said it was 4:57 and I fecking ran for this freaking essay. They were very nice, and accepted it. Thank god.
Thing is though, the essay isn't actually finished, and it's quite obviously not finished. I could have held on to it for another week (the Science faculty docks 10 marks for each week late, whether you hand your essay in an hour or seven days after 5pm on the due date. It's the stupidest fucking thing. Goddammit, I hate Science), handed in an 80 mark essay and got seventy for it, but instead for the sake of my sanity and finally getting started on the fifteen billion other things I have to catch up on, I've probably handed in a 60-marker.
But that's okay. I actually don't care how well or bad I do in psych anymore, seeing as though film is the aim now. I do, however, hate that my tutor's gonna see what I've handed in. I really wanted to put a disclaimer in it saying "this is not finished! I'm not the kind of slacker who doesn't read the criteria! Every single thing that's wrong with this paper I'm already very aware of." I do have my pride, such as it is. Am considering emailing the tutor, but I tend to over-explain and probably one shouldn't draw attention to things when one buggers them up, so, I don't know.
I just - even with all the other work I have waiting for me - I just feel so much better now that that one's done and I can move on. I want to get the Vertigo essay done next, which should be easy enough (she says, stupidly), as the paper is pretty much just a written version of the presentation I had to give in class.
I love the Art History department, by the way. Among many other reasons, the lecturers are just so understanding. I only had to explain to Keith that I'd been sick, then was struggling with other essays, and he gave me an extension. He doesn't even mind if I don't hand it in until after mid-semester break, and it's so nice to not have to stress. It makes me want to write a really fantastic paper just for him, for being so good.
That's how you do it, Science.
After the Vertigo paper, I have a Neuroscience report on dementia due on Oct 7th. The plan is, I try and get Vertigo done by... say, next Monday-ish, and spend mid-semester break working steadily on Neuro while catching up on all the class work I've fallen behind on. I don't want to be rushing madly to have Neuro done by 5pm on Friday. I just can't handle it. The anxiety and misery these bloody psych essays cause me is too much, and I don't want another week like this one.
This is part of why I've pretty much decided to just give up on my Psych major. The essays cause me so much misery, and the department is frustrating. It's like, they're so desperate to be taken seriously as a science that they overcompensate by smacking bureaucracy all over everything. And I don't like the way Sydney Uni teaches psych. It's as though they expect that every single student wants to go into research; there's very little mind paid to the students who may just be doing the courses out of interest, or as part of other majors, or even because they want to co into clinical psych. Yeah, sure, psychology is the kind of gig where all practicing professionals should have a grounding in most parts of the field, but it's such a massive freaking field. There's not enough choice in undergrad, and a lot of times it just feels like a chore. I don't enjoy studying it anymore, and, interested as I've always been by psychology in general, and as great as the lectures can be, I honestly don't know that I ever really did.
I know that I'm only two subjects away from a major, and that after all this time and effort I may as well just do them and be done with it, but this semester it's felt like the psych has just been getting in the way of the film. If I do psych next year, I only get to do two more film units, max. If I don't do psych, I can do four films if I want to, or less and fit in some other little arts subject that catches my fancy. I know I want to do Key Films and Directors and Australian Stage and Screen - and if I'm going to be working in the Australian film industry, I'd at least like to know a little about the historical and theoretical dimensions of Australian Film. The only film units that include any Australian movies at all at Sydney Uni are the two or three that focus on Australian art/film/stage specificaly, which is frankly absurd. It may be small and little known, but our film product and history is incredible. I'm currently doing the core unit for the film studies major, Silent to Sound Cinema, in which we've looked closely at the birth and development of cinema, yet not once have we even mentioned the world's first full-length feature film, which was Australian. I don't get it.
I also really want to do Costume and Fashion next semester, which is Art History, but not part of Film Studies. From what I can gather, it's a special subject, going to be taught by a visiting expert. I love fashion design, and seriously considered applying for the Whitehouse school of design after highschool. Looking at clothes from an art history perspective would be awesome. And I just out and out miss studying art. I love film, and being a part of the Art History department means we do look at it from a very art-informed perspective, but I've always loved all art. It was my favourite school subject from kindergarten to year eight, and coming back to it at Uni was a revelation.
The plan, such as it stands at the moment, is to spread the remaining four units of study I have left on my degree over two semesters next year, while hopefully getting a job vaguely related to film in some way (or getting an unrelated job and volunteering at film festivals), and doing short courses at AFTRS (the Australian Fillm, TV, and Radio School) to build a portfolio and study cinematography/ directing/ art direction there properly the year after I do honours here. Which means three more years in Sydney, which is bad, but there isn't a lot of choice when it comes to learning film making - it's pretty much a capital cities thing, I think. Although I may take a year off after honours, stay in the Central West working some little retail job, or working at one of the ABC's regional offices. A foot in the door is a foot in the door in the Australian film industry, no matter how small the door, or which side of the house it's on.