The Wonderful Future
Writing how I feel makes me feel better.
Often I feel
Like I’m wasting around
It feels like I missed something good
That was fleeting by at the time
I could be at a university
Studying and succeeding
For a real job
And provide accolades rather than disappointment
I don’t get along with my father
My mom is a wonderful woman
I feel they’re both masking disappointment
In my life
I enjoy alternate realities
And fantasize about what I could have done
If I had taken advantage of certain opportunities
And kept in touch with certain people
I miss late junior high
And early high school
Where I didn’t care about anything
And didn’t need to
I’m studying what I enjoy
But should be trying considerably harder
To achieve what I need to
and I feel like a failure
My friends give me strength
But I have no time to spend with them
Between school and work
And conflicting schedules
I feel sometimes
I’ve mistreated
Valuable people in my life
Often only out of spite or jealousy
The worst part about this nonsense
Is that I’ve had every opportunity
Handed to me on a silver platter
But either have been too immature
Or have had unrealistic dreams
And have thrown everything away on them
I’m not sure that I’ll be able to
Throw my free time
Or my virtual selves away
To accomplish something meaningful
Because I hold the notion
That many things that I do not enjoy
Aren’t worth my effort
And I’d rather be elsewhere
The pills work most of the time
But sometimes the days that they don’t
Seem the most clear
And give me perspective
I know it’s not right
To live in the past
But I am given a somber perspective
On what could have happened
But I don’t get anywhere
And end up hurting myself, and everyone around me
With my emotions and lack of activity
Or forward movement
I hope I can achieve
An abnormal life someday
Where I don’t have to do anything
Or worry about my future
Everything else that could have happened
All of my dreams as a child or prepubescent, jaded boy
Somehow always seem preferable
To my life
Mostly I hope that
They can all forgive me for my actions
And thoughts in the future
When I have achieved borderline normalcy
I love each and every one of you
I believe that you deserve the best
I’m not going anywhere, just trying to improve my life
Because I feel that I’m letting you all, and myself down
I hope I can look back at this
And thank the Lord that this is just a bad memory
I need to find balance in my life
Between fantasies and reality
I hope I can find everyone I’ve ever known
And not only apologize to them
But see that their lives are beautiful and rewarding
And be able to relate, because mine is the same
I love you all. I'm working for a wonderful future.
Often I feel
Like I’m wasting around
It feels like I missed something good
That was fleeting by at the time
I could be at a university
Studying and succeeding
For a real job
And provide accolades rather than disappointment
I don’t get along with my father
My mom is a wonderful woman
I feel they’re both masking disappointment
In my life
I enjoy alternate realities
And fantasize about what I could have done
If I had taken advantage of certain opportunities
And kept in touch with certain people
I miss late junior high
And early high school
Where I didn’t care about anything
And didn’t need to
I’m studying what I enjoy
But should be trying considerably harder
To achieve what I need to
and I feel like a failure
My friends give me strength
But I have no time to spend with them
Between school and work
And conflicting schedules
I feel sometimes
I’ve mistreated
Valuable people in my life
Often only out of spite or jealousy
The worst part about this nonsense
Is that I’ve had every opportunity
Handed to me on a silver platter
But either have been too immature
Or have had unrealistic dreams
And have thrown everything away on them
I’m not sure that I’ll be able to
Throw my free time
Or my virtual selves away
To accomplish something meaningful
Because I hold the notion
That many things that I do not enjoy
Aren’t worth my effort
And I’d rather be elsewhere
The pills work most of the time
But sometimes the days that they don’t
Seem the most clear
And give me perspective
I know it’s not right
To live in the past
But I am given a somber perspective
On what could have happened
But I don’t get anywhere
And end up hurting myself, and everyone around me
With my emotions and lack of activity
Or forward movement
I hope I can achieve
An abnormal life someday
Where I don’t have to do anything
Or worry about my future
Everything else that could have happened
All of my dreams as a child or prepubescent, jaded boy
Somehow always seem preferable
To my life
Mostly I hope that
They can all forgive me for my actions
And thoughts in the future
When I have achieved borderline normalcy
I love each and every one of you
I believe that you deserve the best
I’m not going anywhere, just trying to improve my life
Because I feel that I’m letting you all, and myself down
I hope I can look back at this
And thank the Lord that this is just a bad memory
I need to find balance in my life
Between fantasies and reality
I hope I can find everyone I’ve ever known
And not only apologize to them
But see that their lives are beautiful and rewarding
And be able to relate, because mine is the same
I love you all. I'm working for a wonderful future.