She Loves You
Stop Running Chapter 3
Title: She Loves You
Author: Sizzchick3431
Rating: K+
Length: Around 1900 words
Summary: Ok so in this chapter, Cloud is driving across the landscape on the way to finish his last piece of un-finished business. He is recalling the events of the past months that have led him to take this trip including a heated fight with Tifa.
I pass through the gate into the wide barren landscape and immediately open the throttle. Aahhhh. This feels so good. I inhale deeply, taking in the fresh, un-polluted air. As I fly over the rocky terrain, I begin to think about the events that had led to today’s trip. This month after the ‘Reunion’ has been a learning experience full of trial and error.
When we had gotten home that night, after sitting and talking for a few hours with all of our friends who had come back to the bar to celebrate with us, I offered to put the kids to bed. Denzel had asked me to explain Geostigma to him and about my battle with Kadaj and Sephiroth. I explained everything I knew and gave him a run down of the fight. I expected it to frighten him some, but to my surprise he had just looked at me seriously and said, “I’m just glad you are home,” before rolling over and dozing off. My heart warmed and I ruffled his hair. Me too.
Marlene had lectured me on how I should have known that they didn’t expect me to always solve their problems or to protect them from everything; they just wanted me there with them. “We all love you, Cloud. And we know you love us, too. Right?” I nodded and promised her that I wasn’t leaving ever again. She had thrown her arms around me in a tight hug before letting me tuck her in. She fell asleep with a smile on her face shortly after. I missed her so much.
After I had finished with the kids I went down to the bar. Tifa had left a few chores un-finished when she and Marlene had gone to the church to look for me and ran into Loz. She was behind the counter washing the last of the dishes so I grabbed a rag and started wiping down tables. Apparently she hadn’t heard me come down, either that or she wasn’t used to me being there again, because she dropped the dish she was washing and turned, fists raised, ready to fight when I accidentally knocked over a salt shaker.
“Oh! Cloud, it’s just you. Sorry…” she relaxed her posture and dried her hands while walking toward me. “…I just got so used to it being pretty silent around here after the kids go to bed. You caught me off guard.” She looked down at her hands the entire time she spoke which was always a sign that she was sad, disappointed, or hiding her true feelings.
Her words had not been meant to hurt me, but they definitely had. It was like she has punched me in the gut. The air had suddenly felt thicker and my breath caught in my throat. I had caused that sadness. Just like all the other times. Even when I had thought I was helping her by leaving, I had hurt her.
I sat the rag down and turned to face her. I reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and lifted her chin so she would look at me. When her eyes met mine, I could see the tears welling up. I had barely managed to utter, “Tifa, I’m sor-“ before she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my chest.
“I know you are. I’m just glad you came back. Thank you…” She breathed in sharply, trying to hold back a sob. “Thank you for coming back.”
I was shocked and stood there frozen for a brief moment before wrapping one arm around her body while the other hand moved to slide over her hair. “No, Tifa, thank you. Thank you for being patient and giving me something to be able to come back to.” I still didn’t understand why she wanted me there but just knowing that she did made me smile.
After she had completely calmed down, she returned to the dishes and I continued wiping tables. When the chores were done, Tifa walked to the window and looked outside. I couldn’t tell what she was looking at, all I could see was Fenrir parked next to the door, but when she turned around she had a peaceful smile on her face. Whatever she had been looking at had made her smile and that’s all that mattered. Tifa’s smile was like a warm fire on a cold winter night; it warmed my soul and assured me that I was where I wanted to be.
The rest of the month had gone fairly smoothly. I had resumed my delivery schedule and tried to help Tifa with the bar and the kids as much as I could. They fit me back into their lives as if I had never left. I started taking Denzel with me to do the deliveries in Edge and the surrounding towns. Once I had returned home, he liked spending as much time with me as possible and Tifa thought it was a good idea for him to feel like he was helping the family.
Marlene and I had many talks about a lot of different things. Marlene was good at asking the hard questions, the ones that made you think about things you wanted to keep pushed aside. She was also very perceptive and could pick up on emotions that most people would never notice. Many nights, when I would go upstairs to tuck her in, she would catch me off guard with such questions as the one she had asked a couple nights ago. After tucking her in and kissing her lightly on the forehead, I started to walk out of the room when she softly said my name. “Cloud, why aren’t you and Tifa married? If she loves you, and you love her, why do you sleep in separate beds?”
I was caught off guard by one particular phrase in her question that repeated in my mind over and over: she loves you. She loves you. Had she meant that literally? Had Tifa told Marlene that she loved me? Or was it just an innocent misperception? I chuckled awkwardly and told her that things just weren’t that way for Tifa and I. Not yet, but I’ll change that, I had thought to myself. She had rolled her eyes but accepted the answer for the time being.
That night I couldn’t fall asleep. I laid there staring at the ceiling of my office thinking of all the times I had hurt Tifa. I couldn’t understand how it was possible that she still welcomed me back with open, accepting arms. I didn’t know of anything besides love that would cause a person to be so forgiving. If it was love, I didn’t deserve it; I didn’t deserve her. She was the most kind, understanding, encouraging, forgiving, loving, beautiful, strong, and amazing person I had ever met. Why should I be the lucky guy to receive her love? Especially when I still wasn’t even man enough to actually admit that I loved her.
Marlene’s inquisitive and highly perceptive nature had caused many things to happen last night, too. When I came home after my last delivery, later than normal, Tifa was sitting at the bar with her head resting on her hands that were folded on top of the counter. This was not an unusual way for me to find her of an evening, especially if I was coming home late and she had already finished cleaning, but last night something was different. Normally, if I walked in as I had and sighed, exasperated from my long day, Tifa would immediately stand and get me a glass of water and ask me what was wrong. This time, however, she just sat there; she didn’t even lift her head to look at me.
I had walked to her side quickly; worried that she was hurt or ill. When I was close enough, I put my hand on her back; that was when I noticed the soft sobs coming from her. “Tifa?” I had leaned in and pushed her hair back, trying to see her face. “Tifa what happened? What’s wrong?” I started to become increasingly worried.
“Nothing. Just…Cloud?” She had raised her head and used the back of her hand to dry her eyes and looked at me intensely. “Cloud…Why did you run to Aerith’s church? I understand why you ran, Cloud, really I do! But…Why her church? Do you still love her? Is that why you can’t…why we can’t…oh never mind!” She stood and wiped her eyes again. “Sorry, Cloud. Forget I mentioned it. Do you want some water? You are home pretty late. How was your day?” She had started to walk round the bar to get me a glass of water but I grabbed her hand to stop her. She gasped and when she turned around to face me, tears began to swell up in her eyes again.
“Tifa…I…What are you talking about? Where did all this come from?” I was so confused and her tears had me especially nervous.
“I don’t know…Marlene just said…” She began calmly, speaking softly. “she said when she got up to go to the bathroom last night, you were saying Aerith’s name in your sleep. You were saying, ‘Aerith, wait for me.’ Are you going to leave us again? Are you going to go live with her again? Is that why we can’t be a real family, Cloud? I heard Marlene ask you why we aren’t married and I heard your response, ‘Things just aren’t like that for Tifa and I.’ Is that why? Because you still love Aerith?” By the end of her sentence she had become almost angry. She was crying harder and her words were flowing quickly, with more hurt and bitterness in them.
My heart sank. I had said Aerith’s name in my sleep? I felt horrible; Tifa had it all wrong.
“Tifa…I don’t even know how to begin to explain…” I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. “I-“
“It doesn’t matter, Cloud. I’m fine. I’m sorry I brought it up. I guess I just thought that you were over her. I was wrong; I understand now.” She turned to walk toward the stairs. I was panicking. I couldn’t let her walk away from me thinking that I still loved Aerith.
“Tifa…I’m not…Let me try to explain! It’s not -“ I reached out to her but she drew away, putting her hands out in front of her and shaking her head.
“Seriously, Cloud, I don’t care anymore. Do what you want. Just don’t run off again; at least give us some warning first this time…I don’t think the kids can take anymore surprises...” Her voice was angry and harsh at first but with each word it softened, until finally she was barely whispering between sobs. “…I can’t take anymore.”
I stood there frozen and watched her run up the stairs, unable to pull my mind out of its shock long enough to even run after her. My mind was blank and my body was numb. What have I done? After a few moments, I turned slowly and walked out the door. As I climbed onto Fenrir I started the engine and drove off into the night.